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FINDING  THEMSELVES 


THE  MACMILLAN  COMPANY 

N«W  YORK  •    BOSTON  -   CHICAGO  -   DALLAS 
ATLANTA  •   SAN  FRANCISCO 

MACMILLAN  &  CO.,  Uuttkd 

LONDON  •   BOMBAY  •   CALCUTTA 
MBLBOURNX 

THE  MACMILLAN  CO.  OF  CANADA,  Lm 

TOKONTO 


•'**'»*     »  TOUA't/STIMSON 
From  the  photograph  for  her  passport,  May,  1917. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES 

The  Letters  of  an  American  Army 

Chief  Nurse  in  a  British 

Hospital  in  France 


BY 

JULIA  C.  STIMSON,  M.A.,  R.N. 

Superintendent  op  Akmt  Nurse  Corps,  United  States  Army 

Formerly  Chief  Nurse,  Base  Hospital  21  (St.  Louis),  U.  S.  A. 

(No.  12  General  Hospital,  B.  E.  F.) 

Later  Director  Nursing  Service,  A.  E.  F. 


Now  God  be  thanked  who  has  matched 

us  with  His  hour 
And  caught  our  youth,  and  wakened 

us  from  sleeping." 

—  RuPEBT  Brooke. 


THE  MACMILLAN  COMPANY 
1927 

AH  rights  reserved 


S7/ 


Copyright,  1918, 
By  the  MACMILLAN  COMPANY. 


Set  up  and  electrotyped.    Published  September,  1918. 
Reprinted  August,  1927. 


«  _  t  t  c   c 


PRrNTBD  IN  THE  tmiTED  STATES  OF  AMERICA 


Bebuateb 

TO  ALL  MY  MAJORS 

WHOSE  KIND  HELPFULNESS 

WAS  NEVER  FAILING 


€41350 


NOTE 

These  letters  were  written  as  the  daily  record  ' 
of  the  work  of  a  Unit  of  Red  Cross  nurses  who 
were  sent  to  France  in  May,  1917,  in  response 
to  the  request  of  the  British  authorities.  The 
Unit,  almost  immediately  after  its  arrival  in  Eng- 
land, was  sent  across  the  Channel  to  take  over  a 
British  Base  Hospital  established  on  a  race  course, 
where  they  have  cared  continuously  for  a  stream 
of  from  eight  hundred  to  two  thousand  wounded 
"ToDMnies"  at  a  time. 

The  original  sixty-five  American  nurses  were  as- 
sisted for  several  months  by  English  Volunteer 
Aids,  and  when  these  were  withdrawn,  they  were 
reenforced  with  some  thirty  American  nurses. 

Though  written  with  no  thought  of  publica- 
tion, as  the  war  lengthens  out,  these  letters  have 
become  of  especial  value  as  the  record  of  first 
impressions  and  experiences  which  for  those  con- 
cerned were  startlingly  new.  Since  then  much  has 
been  happening  of  tremendous  significance  both 
to  the  participants  and  to  the  world,  but  the 
events  recorded  here  have  not  lost  their  interest, 

vii 


viii  NOTE 

nor  htm  their  graphic  character  been  blunted, 
by  recent  occurrences.  Hence,  though  the  initial 
purpose  of  printing  these  letters  was  to  furnish 
this  group  of  women  with  a  permanent  story  of 
their  devoted  service,  it  has  been  suggested  that 
the  letters  have  a  much  wider  interest,  and  they 
have  therefore  been  given  for  publication  by  Miss 
Stimson*s   family. 

Henry  A.  Stimson 

Pastor  emeritus,  Manhattan 
Congregational  Church. 
Nsw  YoBK,  Jun«,  1018. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES 


FINDING  THEMSELVES 


St.  Louis,  ]Vfayi^,:lJ)l7.     ' 

Dearest  Mother  and  Dad :  —  *      •    *  ^  • '; 

As  you  have  probably  seen  by  the  papers,  we 
all  are  in  the  midst  of  alarms.  We  have  had  less 
than  a  week's  notice  to  get  ready  for  mobilization 
for  service  in  France,  and  so  it  has  been  a  rushing 
week.  Last  Saturday  afternoon  we  received  word 
we  were  likely  to  be  called  out  soon  —  in  two  or 
three  weeks  —  but  on  Tuesday  night  I  received 
word  to  have  the  nurses  ready  by  Saturday.  It  is 
now  Friday  evening  and  most  of  the  nurses  are 
ready,  but  it  is  quite  certain  we  won't  be  leaving 
for  several  days  as  the  doctors'  uniforms,  for 
instance,  won't  be  ready  till  next  Wednesday.  I 
am  glad  indeed  for  the  extra  time.  The  nurses 
can  take  a  very  small  steamer  trunk  and  a  suit- 
case. As  we  apparently  are  to  be  sent  abroad 
"for  the  duration  of  the  war"  it  is  rather  a  puzzle 
to  know  what  to  take. 

Of  course  this  order  for  foreign  service  is  playing 
havoc  with  the  personnel  of  the  Unit,  so  few 
expected  to  be  called  for  duty  abroad.  In  fact 
no  one  expected  a  call  of  this  sort  at  all.   I  have 

B  1 


2  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

been  quite  disgusted  with  the  quitters  who,  for 
one  reason  or  another,  have  begged  to  be  excused. 
I  have  had  about  ten  drop  out,  but  I  am  find- 
ing substitutes  who  I  think  will   be  much  more 
desirable  than  such  weak-kneed  individuals.   But 
.,  ,.^  every  .^ub^tit^ution  means  a  great  deal  of  work 
c  %.'and  Mntich' •teflegraphing;    for  each  name  has  to 
J 'r ;.' ib6a'|>p>'oyeA  dt';  Washington,  and  after  physical 
'  "' '  ''e!xkminJitioli's*aY'e  made  here  they  also  have  again 
to  be  approved  at  Washington.   I  have  had  a 
number  sent  back  for  more  complete  details.   I 
am  to  have  a  detachment  of  Kansas  City  nurses 
attached  to  my  corps.   Ten,  and  maybe  more, 
for  there  are  to  be  sixty-five,  and  I  had  only  fifty 
in  my  original  order  and  some  of  these  have  been 
dropped  or  have  had  to  fall  out.  Two  whose  names 
I  submitted  I  have  had  to  drop  by  orders  from 
Washington  because  they  were  born  in  Germany. 
So  there  is  much  to  do,  you  see. 

It  is  now  Sunday,  and  we  are  going  down  to  hear 
Joffre  speak  if  we  can  get  into  the  Coliseum.  He 
and  his  staff  are  coming  out  to  review  the  Unit 
at  the  [Barnes]  hospital  to-morrow.  I  do  hope 
that  by  this  time  next  Sunday  we  shall  be  on 
our  way,  for  waiting  around  after  one  is  ready  is 
very  trying,  particularly  when  people  of  all  sorts 
are  weeping  farewells  over  you  all  the  time. 
Well,  anyway,  here  is  loads  of  love  to  you  all. 
We  know  it  is  the  biggest  opportunity  of  our  lives. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  3 

People  are  being  wonderful  and  are  rallying 
around  us  splendidly.  We  are  offered  more  help 
than  we  can  possibly  use.  It  has  been  pretty 
fatiguing  but  I  am  beginning  to  realize  that  I 
can  take  things  more  slowly  now.  Naturally  I 
wanted  to  be  as  nearly  ready  with  all  my  force 
by  Saturday  as  I  possibly  could  be.  You  can 
imagine  the  number  of  questions  I  have  had  to 
make  up  answers  for,  that  come  to  me  every  hour 
of  the  day  and  night,  not  to  mention  all  the  details 
I  have  to  impress  upon  many  people,  those  who 
go,  and  those  who  stay. 

But  it  is  all  wonderful  beyond  belief.  I  just 
wish  I  had  the  words  to  express  what  I  think 
about  this  opportunity.  Aside  from  what  we 
think  about  the  causes  and  principles  involved, 
and  the  tremendous  satisfaction  of  having  a 
chance  to  help  work  them  out,  to  be  in  the  front 
ranks  in  this  most  dramatic  event  that  ever  was 
staged,  and  to  be  in  the  first  group  of  women  ever 
called  out  for  duty  with  the  United  States  Army, 
and  in  the  first  part  of  the  army  ever  sent  off  on 
an  expeditionary  affair  of  this  sort,  is  all  too  much 
good  fortune  for  any  one  person  like  me.  The 
responsibility  of  my  big  job  of  whipping  into  shape 
a  band  of  heterogeneously  trained  nurses  and  of 
competing  for  loyalty  and  spirit  with  groups  of 
nurses  from  the  East,  and  mostly  all  from  one 
school,  seems  almost  an  overwhelming  job,  but 


4  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

naturally  I  am  going  to  do  my  very  best.   I  have 

some  splendid  women  to  help  me  in  the  executive 

line,  and  although  we  do  not  know  each  other's 

ways  at  all  we  will  do  what  we  can.   As  for  the 

men,  we  could  not  have  a  more  splendid  group  to 

I  work  with.   I  shall  have  every  possible  help  from 

them.   Personally  I  am  feeling  fine  and  oh,  so 

■  keyed  up.   I  cannot  ever  be  worthy  of  all  the 

i  honor  and  opportunities  that  have  come  to  me, 

not  to  mention  all  the  happiness.   It  seems  as  if 

my  life  has  just  overflowed   with  good    things 

and   that  I  can  never  live  long  enough  to  put 

back  into  the  world  all  that  has  been  given  to 

me. 

My  little  nurses  ^  are  being  so  fine.  The  pres- 
ent Senior  class  of  thirty-two  would  have  been  my 
first  real  class,  the  first  I  have  taken  all  through, 
and  they  are  weeping  around  that  I  am  not  going 
to  be  here  to  graduate  them.  But  to-morrow 
night  after  chapel  I  am  to  have  a  heart-to-heart 
talk  with  them  and  I  believe  I  can  make  them  feel 
better. 

May  7  thy  Marshal  J  of  re  presented  the  American 
colors  to  the  St.  Louis  Unit  {U.  S.  Base  Hospital) 
No.  21  of  Washington  University  at  the  Barnes 
Hospital, 

1  Miss  Stimson  was  then  superintendent  of  nurses  and  head  of  the 
training  school  for  nurses  at  Barnes  Hospital,  Washington  Unio 
versity,  St.  Louis. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  5 

May  16th,  These  colors  were  consecrated  at  the 
Cathedral  in  a  special  service  for  the  Unit, 

May  17 thy  The  Unit  left  St,  Louis  and  sailed 
from  New  York  on  Saturday  the  19th, 

On  board  ship. 
May  21,  Monday. 
Dearest  Family :  — 

If  only  all  you  dear  people  at  home  could  know 
how  comfortable  and  happy  we  all  are,  you  would 
not  worry  the  slightest  bit  about  us.  Of  course 
the  danger  is  still  here  even  if  we  don't  notice  it, 
but  everything  is  so  serene  it  seems  as  though 
it  couldn't  possibly  touch  us.  The  only  time 
that  one  can  even  imagine  any  danger  is  at  night 
when  on  the  decks  not  a  single  particle  of  light 
can  be  seen,  except  a  dark  purple  glow  at  each 
companion-way.  All  the  portholes  are  fastened 
shut  and  all  the  windows  of  the  dining-saloon  are 
shut  and  shaded  as  soon  as  it  begins  to  get  dark. 
The  main  hall,  or  whatever  the  place  is  called, 
in  the  center  of  the  boat  where  the  main  stairways 
are,  is  also  entirely  dark,  so  that  when  the  doors 
to  the  deck  are  opened  no  light  will  shine  out. 
We  are  told  that  we  are  one  of  a  group  of  boats 
going  out  together  although  out  of  sight  of  each 
other,  and  that  when  we  get  nearer  the  other 
side  we  are  to  be  convoyed  by  battleships.  We 
are  getting  wireless  directions  from  cruisers  now. 


6  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

but  are  not  sending  out  any  messages.  We  had 
lifeboat  drill  this  morning,  with  lifebelts  on  and 
each  person  knows  to  exactly  what  boat  he  or  she 
is  to  go.  At  times  like  those  drills  there  is  noth- 
ing but  the  greatest  jolliness  and  cheerfulness. 
j  In  fact,  all  the  time  there  seems  to  be  nothing 
/  but  cheerfulness  and  eagerness  to  get  to  work. 
I  I  haven't  even  heard  of  any  apprehensiveness 
on  the  part  of  a  single  person.  As  one  of  my 
nurses  said  in  her  slow  drawly  way :  "There  isn't 
any  use  worrying  about  the  submarines.  If  the 
Germans  are  going  to  kill  us,  worrying  isn't  going 
to  prevent  it.  If  the  Germans  do  kill  me,  I'm 
going  to  come  back  and  haunt  the  whole  German 
army." 

Everything  has  gone  so  very  smoothly  from  the 
very  beginning,  I  really  don't  see  how  arrange- 
ments could  have  been  improved  upon.  Even 
the  one  trunk  that  got  left  behind  reached  the 
steamer  in  time,  and  the  two  nurses  who  were 
to  join  us  in  New  York  turned  up  exactly  as 
scheduled  and  all  the  missing  documents  from  the 
War  Department  came  before  we  left  and  as  far 
as  I  could  tell,  everybody  had  everything  that 
she  ought  to  have.  When  the  gangplank  was 
pulled  up  and  I  realized  that  not  one  of  my 
group  could  get  lost  for  at  least  ten  days,  and 
there  were  no  more  documents  to  expect  by  mail 
and  no  more  telegrams  giving  more  instructions, 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  7 

it  seemed  as  if  a  great  load  dropped  off  my  shoul- 
ders. It  was  a  glorious  day  and  the  sail  down  the 
harbor  was  wonderful.  All  kinds  of  boats  tooted 
and  blew  their  whistles  at  us  and  people  on  ferry 
boats  waved  and  cheered  us.  Soon  after  limch, 
the  few  necessary  room  adjustments  were  made 
and  trunks  were  carried  to  the  proper  rooms. 
Nurses  had  been  assigned  to  rooms  alphabetically, 
but  a  few  changes  seemed  to  make  everybody 
happy.  Some  of  the  nurses  are  three  in  a  room, 
but  quite  a  lot  of  them  are  only  two  in  a  room. 
With  the  portholes  screwed  down  there  is  ho  dif- 
ference between  the  inside  and  the  outside  rooms. 
The  whole  Pennsylvania  Unit,  Base  Hospital 
No.  10,  is  with  us,  going  no  one  knows  where, 
any  more  than  we  do.  They  seem  very  nice 
people,  and  the  Chief  Nurse  is  the  Miss  Dunlop 
with  whom  I  had  been  corresponding  about 
work  at  the  American  Ambulance.  Miss  Dunlop 
was  in  charge  of  the  nursing  at  the  Ambulance 
for  some  time  and  can  give  me  lots  of  pointers 
about  foreign  service. 

When  we  reached  the  St.  Paul  that  Friday 
evening  about  6,  going  directly  from  the  train 
to  a  ferry  and  from  the  ferry  to  the  pier,  we  found 
the  other  Unit  on  board.  A  committee  from  the 
Red  Cross  was  here  giving  out  imiforms.  It  took 
not  much  over  an  hour  and  a  half  before  each 
nurse  had  received  all  her  things  and  was  free 


8  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

to  go.  Each  one  was  given  caps  and  armbands, 
a  lovely  soft  cape  lined  with  bright  red  flannel; 
a  soft  dark  blue  felt  hat,  with  hat  pins,  a  heavy 
dark  brown  blanket,  a  long  heavy  double-breasted, 
dark  blue  military  coat  and  a  dark  blue  serge 
dress.  The  whole  equipment  is  excellent  and 
extremely  good  in  quality  and  the  fit  was  fine, 
considering  the  way  measurements  had  to  be 
sent.  There  was  a  box  there  addressed  to  every 
single  nurse,  each  one  containing  a  dress  and  a 
coat.  The  dresses  are  very  good  looking.  They 
have  high  standing  collars  with  a  little  edging 
of  white  at  the  top  and  an  edging  of  white  at  the 
cuffs.  Extra  edging  was  found  in  an  envelope 
attached  to  each  dress.  There  is  a  pleat  that 
runs  from  each  shoulder  to  the  waist  and  a  row 
of  big  black  buttons  follows  those  pleats.  There 
is  also  a  row  of  buttons  up  the  outside  of  each 
sleeve.  At  the  waist  there  is  a  belt  and  a  cloth- 
covered  buckle.  The  skirt  has  a  pocket  on  each 
side  and  has  a  panel  back.  The  effect  of  the 
whole  outfit  is  very  shipshape,  though  a  little 
somber.  There  is  no  distinguishing  mark  for 
Chief  Nurses,  but  Miss  Noyes,  the  Chairman  of 
the  Bureau  of  Nursing  Service,  who  came  on  from 
Washington  to  see  us  off,  said  she  was  going  to 
work  out  some  sort  of  a  method  for  distinguish- 
ing the  Chiefs  and  would  let  us  know  later  what 
it  is  to  be.  A  great  many  of  the  nurses  sent  back 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  9 

to  their  homes  the  heavy  coats  they  had  brought 
for  the  steamer.  I  sent  mine.  i 

All  the  officers  and  the  enlisted  men  are  having 
regular  drill  every  day.  I  asked  for  some  drill 
for  the  nurses  too,  and  we  began  yesterday, 
greatly  to  the  delight  of  every  one,  the  spectators 
as  well  as  those  participating.  We  have  regular 
setting-up  exercises  as  well  as  some  military 
formations  so  that  we  can  march  in  decency  and 
order  when  we  have  to.  On  shipboard  standing 
on  one  foot  and  raising  the  other  knee  is  apt  to 
be  accompanied  with  some  merriment.  And  some 
of  our  fat  doctor  officers  have  more  or  less  diffi- 
culty lying  down  flat  on  their  stomachs  and 
getting  up  very  fast.  But  by  the  end  of  the  voyage 
we  all  may  be  very  proficient.  At  any  rate  it  is 
awfully  good  for  the  digestion.  Speaking  of  diges-  j 
tion,  we  are  having  excellent  food  and,  as  is  al- 
ways the  way  on  a  steamer,  altogether  too  much 
of  it.  The  dining-saloon  holds  us  all  at  one  sitting, 
which  is  pleasant.  No.  10  takes  up  all  of  one  side 
and  No.  21  the  other  and  the  few  civilian  passen- 
gers sit  in  the  middle. 

I  was  assigned  to  a  very  good  stateroom  all 
by  myself.  Then  yesterday  the  purser  moved 
me  into  a  still  larger  and  better  room,  where  I 
have  a  table  and  a  droplight,  which  is  more  lux- 
ury than  I  ever  traveled  with  before.  People  are 
all  so  good  to  us.  Even  the  stewards  and  the 


10  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

stewardesses,  most  of  whom  are  English,  seem  to 
be  only  too  glad  to  do  what  they  can  to  make 
us  all  comfortable.  There  have  been  a  few  sea- 
sick nurses,  which  is  hard  to  explain,  as  the  weather 
has  been  perfect  and  the  ocean  very  smooth. 
To-day  there  is  a  slight  roll,  but  not  enough  to 
notice.  Every  day  there  is  target  practice  with 
the  guns.  Empty  barrels  are  thrown  overboard 
and  the  gun  crews  shoot  at  them  with  the  big 
guns  that  are  on  the  forward  and  after  decks. 

Evening  prayers  are  held  every  evening  at 
9.30,  and  yesterday  -we  had  church  service  and 
had  all  the  enlisted  men  up.  Our  [Chaplain] 
Dean  Davis  is  a  real  man.  We  got  a  choir  together 
yesterday  and  last  evening  had  some  fancy  sing- 
ing, which  an  overly  critical  person  might  call 
bellowing.  It  is  a  mixed  choir  and  it  certainly 
can  sing.  Now  it  is  time  I  studied  some  French. 

Friday  afternoon.  May  25. 

Since  I  last  wrote  we  have  had  some  real  weather, 
and  such  a  lot  of  sick  people !  Doctors  as  well  as 
nurses  succumbed;  and  great  was  the  misery. 
To-day  it  is  bright  and  sunny  again  and  not  so 
cold,  and  everybody  is  recovering.  It  was  up 
along  the  Banks  and  opposite  Labrador,  I  guess, 
where  it  was  the  worst.  It  was  cold  and  rainy 
and  really  very  rough,  so  much  so  that  we  had 
to  have  the  racks  on  the  tables.  I  have  not  been 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  11 

sick  a  minute  myself,  but  there  was  one  day  when 
I  was  not  much  interested  in  eating.  Still  I  did 
not  miss  a  single  meal. 

It  is  a  heavenly  day  to-day.  We  are  already  ! 
in  or  near  the  danger  zone  and  extra  precautions 
are  being  taken.  It  all  seems  so  queer.  To-night  . 
we  are  not  to  undress,  and  the  few  nurses  who 
are  on  the  deck  below  this  one,  where  most  of 
them  are,  are  to  sleep  to-night  in  the  doctor-oflfi- 
cers'  rooms  on  the  upper  deck  and  the  latter  are 
to  sleep  in  the  sitting-rooms.  There  h^s  been 
some  special  target  practice  when  no  passengers 
were  allowed  on  deck,  and  there  was  an  elaborate 
boat  drill  this  afternoon.  It  is  all  strange  business 
and  still  most  incomprehensible  to  me.  I  still 
feel  as  if  I  were  dreaming  and  that  in  a  few  min- 
utes I  would  wake  up.  We  are  due  to  land  Sun- 
day afternoon  at  Liverpool,  it  seems,  and  are 
scheduled  to  go  to  London.  But  after  that  all 
is  shrouded  in  mystery.  My  crowd  of  nurses  are 
fine  and  have  been  behaving  splendidly-  Com- 
paring them  to  the  Philadelphia  bunch  I  feel 
that  I  have  no  reason  to  be  ashamed  of  them  or 
to  fear  for  what  they  are  going  to  do.  They  have 
all  shown  a  splendid  spirit  and  seem  to  be  full 
of  enthusiasm  and  eagerness  to  show  what  Mis- 
souri can  do  when  it  tries.  I  feel  perfectly  sure 
they  are  going  to  be  a  loyal,  hard-working 
group. 


12  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

All  the  nice  things  that  people  sent  to  eat  and 
read  have  been  greatly  appreciated.  I  was  just 
swamped  with  nice  things,  but  there  have  been 
lots  of  people  to  enjoy  them  with  me.  I  have 
slept  and  slept  and  read  and  read  and  shall  be  in 
fine  shape  when  we  land.  I  was  pretty  tired  when 
we  started  and  was  not  sleeping  as  I  should  because 
of  the  multiplicity  of  details  that  were  on  my  mind. 
Except  for  the  sick  nurses  the  responsibility  has 
let  up  a  lot  here  on  the  boat,  but  will  of  course 
begin  again  when  we  land.  My  Squad  Leaders 
have  proved  most  efficient.  Miss  Dunlop  of  No. 
10  and  I  have  had  some  very  nice  talks.  I  shall 
be  sorry  to  lose  her  advice  and  assistance  when 
we  go  our  separate  ways.  She  is  considerably 
older  than  I  am  and  much  more  experienced. 
For  destinations  there  are  rumors  of  Mesopotamia, 
Saloniki,  Russia,  England,  and  the  North  of 
France.  Take  your  choice.  It's  a  great  game  to 
be  traveling  thousands  of  miles  and  not  know 
where  you  are  going,  nor  how  long  you  are  going 
to  stay,  nor  really  what  you  are  going  to  do  when 
you  get  there.  We  may  even  be  in  camp  some- 
where. All  the  camp  equipment  is  with  us.  Well, 
I  like  the  game  anyway. 

Last  night  all  my  dear  little  nurses  [in  St.  Louis] 
were  having  their  graduation  exercises  without 
me.  I  hope  they  got  the  little  speech  I  sent  them, 
poor  as  it  was.    We  were  thinking  of  them.    One 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  13 

of  the  men  at  our  table  is  keeping  one  of  his  watches 
at  St.  Louis  time,  so  at  every  meal  we  discuss  what 
is  going  on  in  St.  Louis. 

When  this  letter  reaches  you,  you  will  know 
that  everything  is  well  with  us.  You  will  know 
that  before  then,  come  to  think  of  it.  For  it  will 
take  a  long  time  for  letters  to  get  back  to  the 
U.  S.  A.  It  is  going  to  be  ages  before  we  shall 
receive  letters  from  you,  worse  luck. 

I  have  enjoyed  Elsie's  ginger  and  her  book 
ever  so  much  and  Mother's  wonderful  Dean  box 
is  going  to  continue  to  be  a  delight  for  a  long  time. 
I  am  going  to  try  to  take  the  box  along  for  eats, 
and  to  keep  it  for  that.  I  am  not  sure  yet  just 
how  much  luggage  I  can  manage  and  I  seem  to 
have  accumulated  a  good  deal  more  than  I  started 
with.  The  Ever  Warm  Safety  Suit  is  awfully 
nice  to  have.  I  trust  I  shall  not  have  to  use  it, 
but  it  is  nice  to  have  aroimd  anyway.  There  are 
several  of  them  on  the  boat. 

This  letter  can  be  kept  just  for  the  family. 
I  am  writing  others  to  St.  Louis.  I  do  hope  Philip  ^ 
will  be  coming  along  over  soon  and  that  it  won't 
take  long  to  find  out  where  he  is. 

Don't  you  worry  about  me  one  least  little  bit.  I 
am  having  the  time  of  my  life  and  wouldn't 
have  missed  it  for  anything  in  the  world. 

Good-by  for  now.     I  hope  all   your  sunmier 

*  Her  younger  brother,  a  doctor. 


14  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

plans  will  work  out  smoothly  and  happily  for 
you  all. 

Lovingly 
Julia. 

Sat.  May  26.  —  First  night  in  danger  zone 
safely  passed  and  everything  O.K.  My  bunch 
all  went  to  bed  and  slept  finely. 

Liverpool,  The  Adelphi  Hotel. 

Monday,  May  29,  1917. 
Dearest  Family :  — 

I  do  not  know  how  I  am  ever  going  to  manage 
to  write  down  all  the  things  I  am  learning  and 
all  the  wonderful  impressions  that  are  beginning 
to  crowd  upon  me.  But  I  feel  as  though  I  could 
not  bear  to  lose  them ;  and  so  many  new  ones  will 
come  every  day,  I  surely  will  lose  them  if  I  don't 
write  them  down  at  once. 

We  arrived  last  evening  but  did  not  dock  until 
this  A.M.  at  7.30.  We  were  met  by  a  Colonel  B., 
who  said  he  came  to  welcome  us  in  the  name  of 
the  Director-General  and  the  King.  He  was  an 
extremely  affable  old  tall  thin  boy  in  a  much- 
decorated  uniform  and  a  swagger  stick.  He  told 
us  we  were  to  stay  in  Liverpool  24  hours,  the 
nurses  at  the  Adelphi  and  the  doctors  at  the 
Northwestern,  and  that  to-morrow  at  11  we  are 
to  be  conducted  to  London,  to  stay  there  at  the 
Waldorf  Hotel  four  or  five  days,  and  then  to  be 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  15 

sent  to  France.  He  said  the  Cleveland  Unit  had 
already  been  sent  over,  the  Boston  one  was  to 
go  to-day,  and  the  New  York  one  Wednesday. 
The  Philadelphia  Unit  and  we  are  to  stay  together 
as  far  as  London,  but  will  be  sent  to  separate 
destinations.  We  know  where  we  are  to  go, 
but  if  I  should  tell  you  now  the  censor  would  cut 
it  out.  We  can  tell  you  later,  not  before.  Any- 
way we  are  delighted,  for  we  are  to  have  lots  of 
work,  and  mighty  hard  work  too.  We  have  been 
told  considerable  details  about  what  we  are  to 
do,  but  I  shall  have  to  wait  before  I  can  tell  you 
about  it  all. 

We  reached  the  hotel  about  11  and  were  as- 
signed to  rooms  with  the  greatest  dispatch  and 
courtesy.  I  have  a  most  luxurious  room  and 
bath.  After  lunch  I  gave  some  directions  to  the 
squad  leaders  ^  about  letting  the  nurses  do  what 
they  wanted  the  rest  of  the  day,  in  parties  not 
larger  than  four,  etc.,  in  order  not  to  be  conspicu- 
ous, and  then  I  came  upstairs  to  sit  down  in  quiet 
and  read  the  paper  and  rest.  I  took  a  nice  little 
nap  and  had  a  perfectly  good  bath,  and  a  little 
before  five  was  telephoned  to  that  Miss  Dunlop, 
the  Chief  Nurse  of  No.  10,  and  a  Colonel  J.  wished 
me  to  come  down  to  tea.  I  went  on  down  and 
found  Miss  D.,  Colonel  B.,  and  Colonel  J.  in  the 

*  Miss  Stimson  had  organized  her  nurses,  for  convenience  d 
direction,  into  squads  of  eight  for  the  journey,  each  with  its  leader. 


16  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

lounge,  which  was  filled  with  a  gay  crowd  of 
people  having  tea  and  listening  to  the  orchestra. 
There  were  lots  of  uniforms,  and  many  limping, 
bandaged  soldiers,  and  I  had  my  first  heartache 
over  the  one-legged  young  officers. 

Pretty  soon  Colonel  J.,  who  is  the  English  mem- 
ber of  the  R.  A.  M.  C.  (Royal  Army  Medical 
Corps)  who  is  to  escort  us  nurses  to  London 
to-morrow,  went  and  brought  over  to  our  table  a 
friend  of  his,  a  Major  F.,  also  R.  A.  M.  C.  This 
last  man  was  a  lean,  hollow-eyed  man  of  about 
40,  who  pretty  soon  got  talking,  and  for  the  next 
hour  I  heard  such  tales  as  I  hardly  ever  thought 
could  be  true.  He  had  been  a  German  prisoner 
of  war  for  eleven  months.  On  the  way  to  the  prison 
camp  he  had  been  kept  in  a  railway  carriage 
without  food  or  water  for  three  days.  At  Ger- 
man towns  through  which  the  train  passed  and 
where  they  always  stopped,  he  said  it  frequently 
happened  that  women  in  Red  Cross  uniforms 
came  to  the  stations  and  offered  the  prisoners 
cups  of  tea  or  milk  and  held  them  to  their  lips, 
only  to  snatch  them  away  again  and  jeer  and 
call  them  **schweinhund.'*  He  told  of  the  treat- 
ment in  the  camps,  where  the  prisoners  in  the 
dead  of  winter  had  only  the  rags  of  their  uniforms 
to 'wear,  their  great  coats  had  been  taken  away 
from  them,  and  they  slept  on  sacks  of  straw  with- 
out even  a  tent  or  any  kind  of  a  roof  over  them. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  17 

He  said  he  saw  men  die  at  the  rate  of  seven  a 
day  from  starvation.  He  said  he  never  in  all 
his  hospital  experience  has  seen  such  emaciation 
from  either  cancer  or  tuberculosis  as  he  saw  among 
the  prisoners  there  who  were  starving.  He  saw 
men  kiss  the  shoes  of  their  guards  and  beg  like 
babies  for  bread.  Not  the  British  Tommies  but 
some  of  the  other  prisoners  did  this.  The  men 
had  no  opportunity  to  wash  and  no  soap.  Their 
beards  and  hair  hung  down  to  their  waists  and 
were  alive  with  lice.  He  was  in  several  different 
prison  camps.  The  final  one  was  one  where  he 
was  sent  as  a  punishment  for  writing  a  letter 
of  protest  to  the  American  Ambassador.  The 
letter  was  never  delivered,  and  he  was  sent  to  a 
camp  where  he  was  the  only  British  person  among 
thousands  of  Russians.  He  had  complained  be- 
cause parcels  sent  to  prisoners  by  their  friends 
were  not  delivered  to  them  but  were  allowed  to 
rot  and  mildew  and  be  eaten  by  rats.  He  was 
exchanged  after  eleven  months'  torture,  he  called 
it,  in  January,  1916.  He  himself  had  dysentery 
and  scurvy  but  not  typhus.  After  he  recov- 
ered he  was  put  in  charge  of  a  hospital  ship, 
which  was  recently  torpedoed.  Of  the  600  sick 
and  wounded  that  he  had  on  board  he  lost 
only  27. 

He  told  of  a  hospital  ship  crossing  the  Channel 
just  behind  his  ship  on  one  trip  within  500  yards 


18  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

of  his  ship  and  of  its  striking  a  mine.  There  were 
no  wounded  on  board  at  the  time,  but  12  nurses 
and  ojfficers  and  crew.  One  of  the  destroyers 
which  was  convoying  his  ship  went  to  the  rescue 
and  got  alongside  the  sinking  hospital  ship  and 
a  little  French  trawler  also  got  alongside.  Nine 
of  the  12  nurses  and  the  men  all  jumped  and  landed 
on  the  destroyer,  but  no  sooner  were  they  on  that 
boat  than  it  also  struck  a  mine  and  was  blown  to 
atoms,  and  everybody  on  it  and  on  the  trawler 
was  blown  to  bits.  The  three  nurses  who  were 
in  the  water  were  picked  up  by  Major  F — 's 
boat.  He  is  here  in  Liverpool  fitting  up  another 
hospital  ship  and  will  probably  be  ordered  East 
again  to  bring  back  more  wounded. 

He  asked  if  Miss  Dunlop  and  I  would  like  to 
see  his  ship.  Would  we  ?  We  got  our  coats  in  a 
jiffy  and  flew  off  with  him  in  a  taxi  to  one  of  the 
docks  quite  a  way  off.  His  boat  is  a  big  ship  that 
was  a  passenger  ship  between  here  and  South 
America.  He  has  taken  out  the  cabins  and  made 
big  wards  and  has  accommodations  for  800  sick 
or  wounded  men.  I  never  saw  anything  so  cleverly 
done  as  the  way  he  is  making  over  that  ship. 
He  has  a  splendid  operating  room,  an  X-Ray 
complete  equipment,  a  i^team  laundry,  and  abso- 
lutely everything  that  a  modern  big  city  hospital 
has.  It  will  be  ready  to  sail,  he  said,  in  ten  d.iys, 
although  to  us  there  seemed  to  be  an  enormous 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  19 

amount  yet  to  do.  They  no  longer  have  women 
nurses  on  the  hospital  ships. 

We  came  back  from  the  dock  by  an  "overhead" 
tram  and  got  here  about  eight  o'clock,  although 
it  was  as  light  as  four  o'clock.  Miss  Dunlop  and 
I  then  went  to  dinner  together.  Ruth  Cobb  and 
Rachel  Watkins  (our  nice  dietitian)  spent  the 
afternoon  in  Chester  and  had  a  wonderful  time, 
they  said.  People  are  so  wonderfully  nice.  The 
kids  on  the  street  salute  us,  and  people  come  up 
and  ask  if  we  aren't  American  nurses  and  if 
they  can't  do  something  for  us,  and  take  nurses 
to  tea  and  put  them  on  the  proper  trams  and  show 
them  all  sorts  of  courtesies. 

I  had  just  come  in  to  start  to  write,  about  nine 
o'clock,  when  Major  Murphy  ^  was  announced, 
and  I  went  down  to  see  him.  He  had  called  to  see 
if  there  was  anything  he  could  do  for  us  and  to 
find  out  if  we  were  all  right.  They  are  so  consid- 
erate and  good  to  us.  I  told  him  of  our  wonderful 
experience  this  afternoon,  and  just  then  Colonel 
J.  and  Major  F.  hove  in  sight  and  as  I  wanted  Dr. 
Murphy  to  hear  some  of  Major  F — 's  tales  I 
introduced  him,  and  soon  left  them,  to  come  up 
here  and  write. 

It  is  now  almost  eleven  and  Miss  Dunlop  has 
been  in  to  tell  me  the  latest  instructions  she  has 
received  from  her  Majors.  We  always  have  to 
*  Director  of  the  Unit. 


20  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

compare  instructions  and  see  which  of  us  knows 
the  most  about  what  is  going  to  happen.  If  we 
have  the  same  experiences  as  the  nurses  of  the 
two  previous  Units,  we  are  to  be  much  f^ted  in 
London,  and  are  to  be  reviewed  by  the  Queen. 
We  have  been  trying  desperately  hard  on  ship- 
board to  learn  how  to  march  and  keep  step  and 
to  right  about  face  without  falling  over  ourselves, 
but  I  fear  we  won't  be  much  on  looks  when  it 
comes  to  being  reviewed.  I  trust  we  are  not  ex- 
pected to  curtsy.  And  now  I  must  hustle  to  bed, 
for  to-morrow  will  be  an  exciting  day.  Good 
night  and  so  much  love  to  you  all.  If  only  you 
were  all  having  this  wonderful  experience  with 
me  nothing  more  could  be  desired. 

J. 

Wednesday,  June  6,  1917. 
Dearest  Family :  — 

I  have  not  written  since  that  day  in  Liverpool, 
and  now  we  have  been  ten  days  in  London.  If 
only  I  had  the  ability  to  write  what  we  have  seen 
and  what  we  have  felt.  The  contrasts  have  been 
so  great  some  of  us  have  almost  lost  our  mental 
equilibrium.  We  are  f^ted  and  cheered  and  taken 
from  one  entertainment  to  another  and  made 
much  of  by  people  of  every  class;  and  then  be- 
tween such  social  affairs  we  visit  hospitals,  mili- 
tary hospitals,  because  it  is  necessary  for  us  to 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  21 

see  how  such  hospitals  are  run.  First  we  see  1700 
men,  young  men  with  faces  or  arms  or  legs  blown 
off,  and  then  we  go  to  a  tea  at  a  fancy  club ;  next 
we  see  500  blinded  men  fighting  their  way  back 
into  normal  life  by  learning  various  occupations, 
then  we  are  taken  in  a  body  to  the  silliest  musical 
comedy  that  was  ever  staged.  Again  we  see 
thousands  of  crippled  soldiers  brought  out  to 
see  the  King  give  decorations  to  350  heroes  and 
heroines,  soldiers  and  nurses,  or  "the  next  of 
kin"  all  in  black,  and  we  nearly  choke  when  a 
blinded  officer  is  led  up  to  the  King  by  his  orderly 
who  directs  his  every  move,  and  lame  men  go 
hobbling  up  to  receive  their  medals,  and  we 
watch  the  King  use  his  left  hand  to  shake  hands 
with  one  man,  because  the  man's  right  arm  is 
gone,  and  then  we  go  to  St.  Paul's  and  see  the 
Stars  and  Stripes  carried  up  to  the  altar  with 
the  64  British  flags  to  be  blessed  at  an  "Empire 
day"  service,  while  thousands  and  thousands  of 
people  sing  "O  God,  our  help  in  ages  past." 

Do  you  wonder  that  our  emotions  are  wearing 
us  to  a  frazzle?  It  is  not  only  feminine  emotions 
that  are  affected,  because  there  are  those  of  our 
directors  who  said  they  could  not  go  to  St.  Dun- 
stan's  (the  hospital  school  for  blind  soldiers) 
because  they  would  not  be  able  to  sleep  for 
nights  afterwards.  It  is  a  mistake  not  to  see  such 
a  wonderful  place,  however.  There  never  was  a 


22  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

more  cheerful,  hopeful  place  in  the  world.  Sir 
Arthur  Pearson,  the  blind  man  who  runs  the  place 
and  is  its  inspiration,  is  doing  the  kind  of  recon- 
structing of  lives  that  probably  has  no  parallel 
in  the  world.  He  is  having  the  men  taught  not 
just  the  trades  and  occupations  that  blind  men 
are  taught  in  other  places,  but  all  sorts  of  things. 
We  saw  men  learning  anatomy,  who  after  a  year's 
most  strenuous  training  will  be  certificated  mas- 
seurs. They  take  the  regular  examinations  that 
the  sighted  people  take  and  get  excellent  marks, 
and  always  get  positions.  There  were  men  learn- 
ing cobbling  and  carpentry,  and  chicken-farming 
and  shorthand  and  typewriting  and  matmaking 
and  weaving  and  basketry.  The  whole  place 
was  full  of  whistling,  singing  men  who  were  going 
about  their  business  as  though  they  were  like 
everybody  else  in  the  world  instead  of  in  total 
darkness  forever.  There  were  500  of  these  men. 

People  tell  me  that  English  men  and  women 
have  passed  the  emotional  stage  and  have  now 
settled  down  to  work  without  the  waste  of  riotous 
emotions  and  bursting  feelings.  It  must  be  so 
or  they  would  be  dead,  and  they  could  not  be  doing 
the  wonderful  "war  work"  that  each  one  of  them 
is  engaged  in.  From  the  highest  to  the  lowest 
each  woman  has  her  work,  her  nursing,  her  pre- 
paring vegetables  in  hospitals  (as  Mrs.  Waldorf 
Astor's  sister  was  doing),  her  making  of  supplies. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  23 

her  managing  a  hospital  in  a  private  housej  her 
organizing  "hostels"  for  nurses,  raising  funds, 
everything  that  one  can  conceive  of  as  a  job 
for  women  is  being  done,  as  never  before.  Of 
course  the  street-sweeping  by  women  is  a  kind  of 
war  work,  and  the  bus  conductoring,  and  deliver- 
ing mail  and  telegrams,  and  driving  cars  and  am- 
bulances. The  streets  are  full  of  women  in  uni- 
forms of  all  sorts,  all  smart  and  business-like. 
Women  in  England  are  coming  into  their  own. 
What  is  to  happen  after  the  war  when  the  men 
come  back  can  well  fill  the  minds  of  those  who  are 
given  to  prophesy  changes,  for  a  change  is  tak- 
ing place  here  that  can  never  be  undone.  In  addi- 
tion to  women  taking  a  new  place  in  the  working 
world,  class  distinctions  are  being  broken  down 
in  a  way  that  is  making  itself  felt  to  those  who 
a  few  years  ago  could  never  have  dreamt  that 
such  a  change  was  possible.  A  few  days  ago 
Miss  Dunlop  and  I  were  lunching  with  a  Lady  H. 
on  Carlton  House  Terrace,  overlooking  St.  James 
Park.  In  front  of  her  house  is  the  famous  Crimean 
monument,  flanked  on  one  side  by  the  beautiful 
statue  of  Florence  Nightingale  and  on  the  other 
side  by  a  statue  of  the  father  of  the  husband  of 
our  hostess.  In  the  course  of  the  talk  at  the 
luncheon,  which  was  most  informal  and  frugal, 
the  conversation  turned  to  the  most-talked-of 
subject  at  meals  nowadays,  her  "work,"  and  Mrs. 


«4  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

A.,  who  has  a  thousand-bed  hospital  on  her 
grounds  at  C.  and  who  spends  almost  her  entire 
time  in  the  wards,  not  nursing  but  talking  and 
cheering  the  men  up,  said  the  men  don't  know 
it,  but  they  are  giving  us  far  more  than  we  are  giv- 
ing them,  and  Lady  H.  replied :  "Our  whole  out- 
look is  changing.  Take,  for  instance,  us  here  to-day. 
A  short  while  ago  you  (meaning  Miss  D.  and  me) 
and  we  (meaning  Mrs.  A.,  Sir  Harry  L.,  the  other 
guest,  an  elderly  man  who  had  recently  lost  his 
only  son,  and  herself)  would  have  had  nothing 
in  common,  and  now  we  have  everything  in  the 
world."  This  was  said  most  simply  and  sincerely 
and  was  what  she  really  felt. 

I  can't  tell  you  the  number  of  people  who  have 
given  us  this  same  impression,  and  I  can't  begin 
to  tell  you  how  they  all  have  tried  to  express  to 
us  what  they  think  about  our  coming  over  to  help 
them.  Many  individuals  have  talked  to  us  sepa- 
rately with  tears  in  their  eyes  and  the  warmest 
handshakes,  and  we  have  had  speeches  made  to  us 
in  theaters  by  actresses  and  managers,  who  have 
led  the  whole  audience  in  cheers.  We  have  been 
stopped  constantly  on  the  streets  by  people  who 
have  asked  us  if  we  were  not  some  of  the  "Ameri- 
can Sisters"  and  wasn't  there  some  way  in  which 
they  could  express  to  us  their  appreciation  of 
what  we  had  come  to  do.  Could  they  not  take 
us  to  their  homes  and  give  us  tea,  and  could  they 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  M 

not  come  to  our  hotel  and  take  us  out  in  groups 
to  sigLtsee,  and  could  they  not  send  us  tickets 
to  this  or  that,  and  could  they  not  make  special 
arrangements  to  have  Towers  of  London,  and  the 
Zoological  Gardens  and  Lambeth  Palaces  and 
Houses  of  Parliament  and  such  little  things 
opened  for  us  at  unusual  hours?  We  have  been 
literally  swamped  with  kindnesses.  One  officer 
has  made  himself  almost  a  nuisance  by  giving  us 
theater  tickets  for  every  single  night  and  has 
been  so  insistent  that  every  single  nurse  should 
go  out  to  see  something  every  night  that  we  have 
come  to  dread  his  daily  telephone  calls  or  visits. 
Mrs.  Page  had  a  reception  for  us  and  Mrs.  White- 
law  Reid,  and  the  Archbishop  of  Canterbury 
asked  us  to  tea,  and  we  spent  a  wonderful  after- 
noon at  Cliveden,  and  Sir  Thomas  Lipton  sent 
us  all  chocolates  and  invited  some  of  us  to  motor 
out  to  his  place.  The  Royal  Overseas  Officers  Club 
gave  a  reception  for  us,  the  American  Woman's 
Club  opened  its  doors  to  us.  We  have  been  sent 
choir  seats  at  St.  Paul's  for  special  services  and 
special  tickets  to  the  Royal  Livestiture,  and  there 
have  been  a  number  of  other  things  which  lords  and 
ladies  of  high  degree  have  asked  us  to  in  greater 
or  lesser  groups. 

To-morrow  there  is  luncheon  for  me  at  Lady 
P.'s  (a  St.  Louis  woman  whose  sister  I  know),  then 
a  motor  ride  to  somewhere  on  the  Thames  to  see 


26  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

a  hospital  where  the  nursing  is  done  by  New 
Zealand  women.  In  the  evening  there  is  dinner 
for  Miss  D.  and  me  with  Mrs.  F.,  the  editor  of 
the  British  Journal  of  Nursing,  and  after  that 
I  hope  to  get  out  to  Elizabeth  M.'s  to  spend  the 
night,  as  I  am  afraid  that  will  be  my  last  chance 
to  see  her,  as  we  are  due  to  leave  Saturday  the 
9th.  I  spent  a  most  beautiful  Simday  with  her 
last  Sunday,  going  to  church  with  her  in  the  morn- 
ing and  just  sitting  and  talking  with  her  most 
of  the  afternoon.  She  has  two  splendid  boys, 
Jim  just  four  and  John  about  18  months.  Jim, 
Sr.,  is  doing  three  men's  work,  it  would  seem,  on 
the  go  from  early  morning  till  10  or  11  at  night. 
E.  seems  very  well.  She  is  this  year  most  sensibly 
putting  all  her  time  into  taking  care  of  her  men 
folks  large  and  small.  I  had  a  little  call  this  after- 
noon on  Lady  H.-H.,  and  found  her  most  lovely 
to  look  at  and  charming.  We  had  such  a  nice 
talk  and  wasted  no  time  on  preliminaries.  I  am 
going  to  a  special  service  with  her  in  the  morning 
at  Westminster  Abbey  in  St.  Faith's  Chapel. 
My  nurses  are  all  pawing  the  ground,  they  are  so 
eager  to  get  to  work. 

Lovingly, 

Julia. 

Extract  from    letter  from   Lady   H.-H.   to    Mrs, 
L.  in  New  York :  — 
"Thank  you  for  sending  me  a  letter  by  your 


FINDING  THEMSEL\^S  27 

most  interesting  and  delightful  niece.  I  wish  I 
might  have  seen  more  of  her  and  her  wonderful 
contingent  of  nurses.  I  went  to  the  Waldorf 
Hotel  to  talk  to  them  all  at  8  :  30  on  Friday  night. 
I  can't  tell  you  what  I  said,  but  they  seemed 
satisfied  and  I  felt  that  it  drew  me  nearer  to  you 
and  your  wonderful  nation,  and  I  wish  it  were 
possible  to  come  to  you  and  help  you  bear  the 
heavy  cross  and  suspense  and  anxiety.  I  know 
every  step  of  the  way  and  what  it  means,  the 
long,  weary  march  on  the  road  of  sorrow.  But 
now  God  has  let  me  see  the  glory  and  the  triumph 
of  it  all,  and  I  am  no  longer  afraid." 

France,  Monday,  June  11,  1917. 
Dearest  Daddy  and  Mother 
and  all  of  you :  — 
We  have  at  last  arrived  !  I  wish  I  could  tell  you 
where,  but  I  can't.  This  much  I  believe  I  can  say, 
that  it  is  on  the  outskirts  of  a  large  city,  a  beauti- 
ful old  city.  Our  particular  hospital  is  on  a  race 
course,  which  looks  now  like  a  vast  circus  estab- 
lishment or  a  county  fair,  for  it  is  covered  with 
rows  and  rows  of  canvas  tents,  each  of  which  holds 
about  14  beds.  All  around  the  edge  are  lovely 
thick  trees,  sycamores  and  locust  they  seem  to 
be,  under  which  are  small  conical  tents,  small 
single-room   shacks   of   canvas    and   paper,    and 
long,   single-story    "huts,"   as   they   are   called. 


28  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

These  huts  are  made  of  thin  wood  and  roofed 
with  tarred  paper  and  are  divided  into  single 
cubicles,  the  whole  hut  accommodating  about 
16  or  18  people.  This  part  that  I  am  describing 
is  the  nurses'  corner  of  the  paddock.  It  is  really 
very  beautiful,  for  the  grass  and  hedges  and  trees 
are  so  green,  and  along  the  walks  are  little  flower- 
beds, and  pansies  and  geraniums  and  roses  are 
all  in  bloom.  If  one  looked  only  at  this  corner 
of  the  huge  place,  one  might  imagine  oneself  in 
some  siunmer  camp  at  home.  But  just  a  few 
hundred  yards  away  are  those  scores  of  tents 
full  of  wounded,  and  every  night  more  are  brought 
in  and  others  are  sent  away.  This  of  course  is  the 
most  beautiful  time  of  year.  The  trees  are  full 
of  birds,  who  chirp  and  sing  all  day  long.  And 
every  few  minutes  along  the  road  on  the  other 
side  of  our  hedge  troops  go  marching  by.  Some 
have  bands  and  some  whistle  their  marching  tunes, 
but  all  march  on  and  on.  There  are  any  number 
of  hospital  establishments  like  this  all  around 
here,  and  also  thousands  of  troops  of  all  sorts 
are  in  camp  near.  We  got  just  a  little  glimpse 
of  the  situation  as  we  were  driven  out  here  in 
huge  motor  ambulances  from  the  station. 

We  have  not  as  yet  gone  over  the  hospital 
proper,  for  our  luggage  has  not  come  and  we  have 
only  our  street  uniforms,  and  the  "Matron"  says 
it  is  not  wise  for  us  to  go  into  the  hospital  tent 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  29 

until  we  have  our  wash  clothes.  For  the  last  two 
nights  we  have  not  had  even  our  hand  bags. 
When  they  come,  they  will  be  welcome.  The  lack 
of  tooth  brushes  is  our  only  serious  lack.  It  is 
surprising  how  quickly  one  can  accustom  oneself 
to  get  along  without  frills  like  wash  cloths  and 
night-dresses !  And  as  for  new  titles,  I  already 
no  longer  turn  a  hair  when  I  am  introduced  as 
"  Matron  "  Stimson.  My  bad  and  disrespectful  chil- 
dren come  to  me  all  the  time  and  say  "Matron," 
may  I  do  this  or  that  ?  That  is  the  way  the  Eng- 
lish sisters  address  their  Chief  Nurse.  As  we  all 
arrived  before  we  were  expected  my  nurses  have 
not  been  assigned  to  their  regular  rooms  yet. 
Last  night  they  all  slept  in  some  of  the  large  hospi- 
tal tents  that  were  empty.  My  place  was  got 
ready  for  me  and  is  most  attractive.  I  have  two 
shutoff  rooms  at  the  end  of  one  of  the  "huts.'*^ 
The  whole  width  of  the  hut  is  15  ft.  The  depth 
of  my  rooms  is  11  ft.  And  there  is  a  partition 
about  7  ft.  high  which  cuts  off  my  bedroom  which 
is  6  ft.  wide,  leaving  9  ft.,  the  width  of  the  sitting- 
room.  I  will  draw  a  kind  of  plan  on  the  other  side 
for  those  who  are  interested  in  the  details.  It  is 
all  unpainted,  but,  just  think,  there  is  an  electric 
light  in  each  room.  That  is  far  more  luxury  than 
I  ever  dreamed  of.  The  fmmiture  is  of  the  simplest, 
but  quite  sufficient.  I  think  the  things  that  are 
in  here  now  are  to  be  taken  away  when  the  Eng- 


so  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

lish  sisters  go,  and  our  own  equipment  is  to  re- 
place it.  There  are  two  casement  windows  in  the 
sitting-room,  and  one  in  the  bedroom.  There  are 
plain  white  curtains  at  them  all,  and  there  are 
small  matting  rugs  on  the  floor.  So  you  can  see 
I  am  going  to  be  most  comfortable.  There  is  a 
mess  "hut,"  where  all  the  nurses  eat,  and  eat 
very  comfortably  and  well,  we  have  already  dis- 
covered. All  we  want  now  is  work  to  do,  and  we 
can  see  that  coming,  enough  to  satisfy  the  most 
energetic  and  ambitious  of  our  number.  The 
nurses  are  all  off  wandering  around  this  morning. 
Some  have  gone  to  the  city  and  some  are  taking 
walks  along  the  country  roads.  The  roads  are  so 
full  of  soldiers,  some  of  r/hom  wear  turbans 
and  carry  scimitars,  that  they  feel  a  little  strange 
and  out  of  place,  but  that  feeling  is  likely  to  wear 
off  soon.  We  hope  that  our  things  and  our  ofl5cers 
will  arrive  soon,  but  there  is  no  telling. 

Now  I  must  go  back  and  tell  you  what  I  can 
of  our  crossing.  Our  last  few  days  in  London  were 
like  the  first,  chock  full.  I  was  particularly  busy 
in  helping  make  arrangements  for  sending  one 
of  our  nurses  home.  It  was  a  very  sad  and  hard 
thing  to  have  happened  to  the  poor  thing,  and  it 
was  absolutely  not  her  fault  in  any  way  but 
merely  a  technicality.  When  we  were  getting  our 
passports  at  the  American  Embassy  in  London, 
those  bom  in  England  had  to  go  to  the  British  Em- 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  31 

bassy.  Mrs.  S.  went  with  the  others,  and  in  an- 
swer to  their  question  explained  that  many  years 
ago  she  had  married  a  German,  but  that  ten  years 
ago  she  divorced  him.  He  married  again  and 
later  died.  But  according  to  British  law  she  is  a 
German  subject,  because  she  married  a  German. 
So  they  refused  to  let  her  go  to  France  and  she 
had  to  be  sent  back  to  the  States.  Rather  hard 
on  her?  She  took  it  splendidly  and  waved  us  off 
from  the  Waterloo  Station  on  Saturday  in  the 
bravest  way. 

Both  the  Philadelphia  Unit  and  ours  left  to- 
gether on  a  special  train  for  Southampton.  It 
is  something  of  a  trick  to  get  120  women  into 
busses  and  on  trains,  and  all  their  baggage  too. 
But  we  have  got  it  down  to  a  pretty  good  system. 
Our  eight  squad  leaders  each  pass  on  orders  to 
their  subleaders,  then  they  each  find  the  three 
people  that  belong  to  them  and  they  are  entirely 
responsible  for  them,  and  all  I  have  to  do  is  to 
ask  the  eight  squad  leaders  if  all  of  their  groups 
are  ready.  The  scheme  has  worked  beautifully. 
Yesterday  at  noon  on  the  boat  we  had  an  unex- 
pected order  to  be  ready  to  disembark  at  once. 
And  the  whole  64  were  lined  up  in  squads  inside 
of  three  minutes.  We  started  out  from  Southamp- 
ton in  a  tender,  but  were  transferred  to  a  large 
hospital  ship.  We  were  wonderfully  taken  care 
of  on  board  of  her,  as  we  have  been  on  all  our 


82  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

travels.  They  gave  us  an  excellent  dinner,  and 
gave  over  to  our  use,  large  wards.  So  each  nurse 
had  a  comfortable  bed  for  the  night.  It  was  on 
the  hospital  ship  that  we  got  separated  from  our 
bags.  They  had  been  brought  in  "lorries"  from 
the  hotel,  then  put  in  luggage  vans  on  the  train, 
then  transferred  to  the  tender  and  then  to  the 
hold  of  the  hospital  ship.  We  had  not  known  we 
were  going  to  spend  the  night  on  the  ship.  You 
see  we  never  know  anything  in  advance  for  more 
than  a  few  minutes.  It  was  one  of  the  most  beauti- 
ful evenings  I  have  ever  seen.  We  got  off  in  the 
big  ship  about  seven,  but  the  sunset  wasn't  really 
over  until  nearly  ten.  We  were  preceded  by  a 
destroyer  and  followed  by  one,  and  flying  all 
around  were  aeroplanes.  Sometimes  we  could 
see  as  many  as  ten  or  twelve.  We  were  told  that 
during  the  evening  our  destroyer  in  front  rammed 
a  submarine  and  stove  in  her  own  bow  and  had 
to  be  replaced  by  another,  but  other  than  that 
there  was  no  excitement  of  any  sort.  About  ten 
thirty  I  had  all  of  my  flock  tucked  in,  with  their 
dresses  and  shoes  off  and  life  belts  handy.  There 
wasn't  an  awful  lot  of  sleeping  done  because  at 
four  we  entered  the  harbor  of  Havre  with  much 
blowing  of  whistles,  as  it  was  raining  and  misty 
by  that  time.  After  breakfast  we  hung  around 
on  the  boat,  watching  the  unloading  of  the  luggage 
and  the  separation  of  the  belongings  of  the  two 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  88 

Units.  We  also  watched  the  taking  on  board 
of  some  trainloads  of  wounded  soldiers  who  were 
being  taken  back  to  "Blighty."  That  is  what 
they  call  England.  The  Sisters  here  say  that  what 
they  want  most  of  all  is  their  "Blighty  tickets." 
Just  at  12,  when  we  were  about  to  go  to  lunch, 
we  received  word  to  get  off  the  boat  at  once 
and  get  into  motor  ambulances  which  would  take 
us  to  a  station,  where  we  were  to  take  a  train  for 
about  a  three  hours'  ride.  So  with  a  hasty  farewell 
to  our  friends  of  No.  10  we  went  off  in  the  rain. 
We  were  pretty  hungry  and  tired  when  we  arrived 
at  our  city,  but  before  the  big  motor  ambulances 
came  for  us  we  had  time  to  go  to  a  pleasant  little 
cafe  garden  and  have  high  tea.  Bread  and  butter, 
cold  meat,  and  tea  set  us  up  immediately  and  we 
all  felt  like  new  women  when  we  set  off  on  our 
four-mile  drive.  Captain  Allison  and  Chaplain 
Davis  had  been  ordered  to  accompany  us  in  our 
hasty  departure,  so  they  are  the  only  officers  of 
our  Unit  who  are  here  with  us.  We  have  just 
heard  that  our  things  are  to  arrive  this  afternoon. 
We  are  all  just  hanging  aroimd,  that  is  why  I 
have  so  much  time  to  write.  "Matron"  said 
she  would  just  carry  on  in  the  usual  way  and 
later  she  would  show  me  what  I  am  to  do.  The 
first  thing  we  have  to  do  is  to  find  out  how  to  do 
things  in  the  English  way,  particularly  the  records. 
Then  later  the  English  sisters  are  to  be  with- 


34  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

drawn,  we  understand.  We  have  not  nearly  enough 
nurses  for  this  hospital,  so  some  of  the  "V.  A.  D.'s" 
are  to  be  left  until  we  receive  reenforcements 
from  America.  The  "V.  A.  D.'s"  are  like  our 
Nurse's  Aids,  Voluntary  Aid  Detachments.  They 
have  apparently  done  wonderful  things  during 
this  war.  They  have  no  regular  training,  but 
after  one  or  two  years  of  active  service  they  have 
many  of  them  become  very  proficient.  Here 
we  find  them  doing  all  sorts  of  things.  Some  are 
in  the  tent  wards,  and  some  are  detailed  for  mess 
duty  and  take  entire  care  of  the  mess  hut  and 
the  meals.  In  a  New  Zealand  hospital  that  we 
visited  there  were  five  of  the  nicest  "V.  A.  D.'s" 
doing  all  the  cooking  for  400  patients.  They  were 
women  of  maturity  and  position  at  home,  who  had 
come  on  from  New  Zealand  at  the  request  of  the 
Matron  in  Chief  and  were  serving  entirely  with- 
out pay  and  doing  wonderful  work.  Their  hut 
kitchen  was  the  best-looking  kitchen  we  had  seen 
anywhere.  We  are  told  here  that  word  has  been 
sent  back  to  the  States  that  we  need  more  help. 
I  should  like  65  more  Red  Cross  nurses  from  St. 
Louis,  or  if  I  can't  have  them,  65  of  the  Nurse's 
Aids  that  we  trained.  They  would  certainly  find 
here  a  suflScient  outlet  for  their  energies.  They 
could  be  of  the  greatest  help,  and  on  the  whole 
I  do  not  know  but  that  I  should  rather  have  the 
Aids  that  I  know  than  a  lot  of  trained  nurses 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  35 

that  I  do  not  know.  If  Miss  Bridge  can  get  this 
word  on  to  Miss  Noyes,  I  hope  she  will.  Our 
nurses'  aids'  blue  uniforms  and  aprons  would  be 
excellent,  but  they  would  need  some  kind  of  a 
cap,  I  think,  and  certainly  a  traveling  or  outdoor 
uniform. 

I  think  our  equipment  is  going  to  be  fine. 
Rubber  hats  and  rubber  boots  may  be  needed 
later,  but  we  can  get  them  very  easily,  I  think,  by 
sending  to  London,  or  possibly  in  the  city  here. 
I  got  a  dandy  rubber  hat,  in  London.  I  am  not 
to  wear  my  white  uniforms  yet  a  while,  at  the 
Matron's  suggestion,  so  that  the  people  here  can 
tell  me  from  the  rest  of  my  group.  There  is  now 
no  way  of  distinguishing  me  from  the  rest  except 
my  height.  My  assistant  matron,  Miss  Taylor,  is 
the  smallest  in  the  Unit.  The  nurses  have  a  good 
deal  of  fun  about  our  appearance  together. 

It  has  been  fine  to  have  so  much  time  to  write 
to-day,  for  when  we  get  started  I  do  not  think  we 
shall  have  much  free  time.  And  at  night  I  do 
not  know  whether  I  can  use  this  precious  type- 
writer without  disturbing  all  the  other  nurses 
on  the  other  side  of  my  room  wall.  I  think  I  shall 
have  to  train  them  to  get  used  to  it.  More  march- 
ing feet  tramping  along,  and  helmeted  heads 
appearing  over  the  hedge ! 

You  all  seem  so  far  away.  Not  a  scrap  of  mail 
since  we  left  and  no  immediate  prospect  of  any. 


86  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

I  am  now  due  to  go  and  have  tea  (the  third 
time  to-day)  with  "Matron"  and  the  Senior 
Chaplain.  So  good-by  for  now. 

P.  S.  I  decided  not  to  draw  a  picture  this 
time.  Our  baggage  came  and  we  are  quite  happy. 
So  to-morrow  we  begin  work.  I  hope  you  are  all 
well  and  having  a  good  time.  Good  night  and  loads 
of  love  to  you  all. 

J. 

Rouen,  France. 
Sunday,  June  17,  1917. 

We  have  been  told  in  our  instructions  about 
letter-writing  that  we  may  now  state  where  we 
are.  So  now  you  can  all  know  definitely  just 
where  we  are.  We  got  our  first  mail  from  home 
day  before  yesterday,  and  I  can  tell  you  there  was 
great  excitement.  It  is  just  a  month  to-day  since 
we  left  St.  Louis  and  it  seems  like  a  year.  The 
latest  date  of  any  of  my  letters  was  May  27th. 
But  now  that  the  letters  have  actually  begun  to 
come  we  feel  more  hopeful  that  we  are  not  entirely 
cut  off  from  our  friends.  It  has  been  a  rather 
dreary  feeling  to  know  that  up  to  now,  none  of 
you  knew  where  we  were  or  where  we  were  going, 
but  soon  we  ought  to  be  in  regular  communica- 
tion. 

We  have  been  here  just  a  week  to-night  and 


PINDING  THEMSELVES  37 

are  beginning  to  get  over  our  strangeness.  We 
have  learned  much  of  our  duties  and  do  not  now 
feel  that  we  can  never  learn  them  all.  All  the 
nurses  have  their  regular  places  of  duty  and  are 
getting  to  know  their  patients,  and  what  to  do 
for  them.  Fortunately  for  them  we  have  not 
received  any  new  convoys  of  men  during  the  week, 
but  we  have  been  sending  some  out  every  day  or 
night ;  but  in  a  few  days,  after  we  are  a  little  more 
accustomed  to  our  duties,  we  shall  begin  to  get 
in  more  wounded  by  the  hundred.  There  are 
only  five  or  six  of  the  English  nurses  left  here 
with  us,  and  they  are  to  go  this  week,  we  under- 
stand. The  Matron,  who  is  a  most  pleasant  and 
helpful  person,  is  to  stay  here  another  week, 
which  gives  me  the  shivers,  for  two  weeks  is  an 
awfully  short  time  in  which  to  learn  the  ropes, 
and  all  this  first  week  I  have  not  been  doing  much 
more  than  attend  to  my  nurses'  work  and  their 
quarters,  equipment,  etc.  But  to-morrow  I  am 
going  to  retire  to  the  Matron's  oflfice  and  stay 
there.  One  of  my  little  jobs  is  to  hire  cooks  and 
maids  for  the  nurses'  mess  and  quarters,  and  I 
am  also  hunting  a  stenographer.  Between  40 
and  50  V.  A.  D.'s  are  to  stay  on  with  us  here,  and 
we  are  mighty  glad  to  have  them,  for  they  are 
splendid.  I  understand  that  our  C.  O.  (Command- 
ing Officer)  has  cabled  home,  or  is  going  to  cable 
home  as  soon  as  he  has  proper  British  authority 


38  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

to  do  so,  for  more  help  for  this  hospital.  I  have 
said  that  I  want  40  more  nm'ses  and  25  carefully 
picked  nurses'  aids.  I  think  Miss  Bridge  could 
pick  out  the  ones  that  are  the  most  capable  and 
the  most  adaptable  and  the  most  willing  to  endure 
difficulties  and  do  without  luxuries  and  even  some 
comforts.  I  feel  quite  sure  that  there  are  25  of  that 
kind  among  the  large  number  that  we  trained 
these  past  months.  I  do  hope  that  the  Red  Cross 
will  give  the  authority  for  them  to  come  out  with 
the  regular  nurses. 

If  this  were  a  summer  resort,  people  would 
say  the  weather  could  not  be  more  delightful.  I 
have  my  little  table  and  typewriter  and  my  camp 
chair  out  on  the  grass  under  the  trees  in  the  little 
grove  where  the  nurses'  quarters  are.  There  is  a 
delightful  breeze,  and  the  blue  sky  is  full  of  fluffy 
white  clouds.  The  sun  is  very  warm,  and  down 
in  the  tents  where  the  patients  are  it  is  not  so 
ideally  summer-resorty.  But  with  the  side  awn- 
ings up,  a  nice  breeze  blows  through  and  the  men 
said  they  were  very  comfortable.  The  sun  was 
so  hard  on  some  of  the  nurses  who  had  to  go  in 
and  out  of  the  tents  a  great  deal  to  do  the  dress- 
ings of  the  patients  who  are  kept  out  of  doors 
under  big  parasols  or  temporary  awnings  of  some 
sort,  that  at  Major  Murphy's  suggestion  I  got 
large,  broad-brimmed  hats  for  the  whole  lot. 
To-day  they  have  found  them  a  great  comfort. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  39 

They  certainly  look  a  bit  informal  with  their 
large  farmer  hats  on  and  their  white  dresses, 
but  they  look  sensible  and  comfortable.  We  are 
likely  to  have  trouble  with  the  laundry  question 
as  water  is  scarce,  also  starch,  and  there  are  labor 
problems  to  be  reckoned  with.  We  all  have  white 
aprons  that  Mrs.  R.  insisted  on  our  bringing  from 
London.  We  are  glad  she  did,  as  we  already  find 
we  need  them  badly,  not  because  of  the  laundry 
question  but  because  of  the  nature  of  the  cases. 
We  have  very  badly  wounded  men  and  their 
dressings   are   terrible. 

Amputations  are  being  done  almost  every  day. 
Yesterday  I  went  down  to  the  "Theater  Hut" 
to  see  how  our  nurses  were  going  to  handle  a  very 
bad  case,  for  the  "Theater  Sister"  is  to  be  taken 
away  soon.  Our  people  at  home  would  marvel 
to  see  what  fine  work  can  be  done  when  all  the 
water  used  has  to  be  heated  on  top  of  a  small 
oil  stove  and  all  the  instruments  boiled  the  same 
way.  The  poor  boy  whose  leg  had  to  be  ampu- 
tated was  in  such  bad  shape,  he  could  have  only 
the  minimum  of  a  general  anaeisthetic,  but  local 
anaesthesia  was  given.  Besides  having  both  legs 
badly  hurt,  his  lower  back  is  in  terrible  shape 
from  injury;  after  the  operation  he  was  put  on 
his  face  on  his  bed.  Before  eight  o'clock  one  of 
the  nurses  held  his  head  up  so  he  could  have  a 
smoke!  And  this  morning  he  says  he  is  "in  the 

i 


40  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

pink,"  which  means  feeling  fine.  It  is  perfectly 
wonderful,  their  fortitude,  and  it  is  making  us  all 
so  ashamed  for  all  the  complaining  we  have  done. 
Their  bravery  is  harder  to  bear  than  anything 
else.  The  other  day  I  nearly  disgraced  myself 
when  the  Matron  took  me  with  her  to  the  large 
tent  from  which  all  outgoing  patients  are  sent 
off  in  ambulances  to  the  trains  or  boats.  It  is  a 
large  empty  tent  with  benches  around  it  where 
the  "sitters"  wait  to  have  their  papers  and  tickets 
looked  over,  and  a  dirt  floor  where  the  stretchers 
are  put.  Most  of  the  men  are  smoking  cigarettes 
as  they  wait.  One  man  was  pointed  out  to  me  as 
having  both  legs  off  and  one  arm  and  part  of  the 
remaining  hand  also,  but  he  was  smiling  cheerfully 
and  chaffing  with  the  sisters,  and  although  over- 
whelmed by  the  awfulness  of  his  condition  I  did 
not  grasp  the  full  meaning  of  it  until  as  I  passed 
him  he  said,  "Sister,  will  you  put  out  my  cigarette 
for  me."  Stooping  over  him,  I  took  it  out  of  his 
mouth  and  asked  him  if  he  didn't  want  any  more 
of  it  as  it  wasn't  half  burned  away.  And  he  said, 
pulling  out  his  huge  bandaged  hand  from  under 
the  blanket,  "No,  sister,  thank  you,  I  only  want 
a  little  of  it  since  I  can't  take  it  out  of  my  mouth 
after  I  once  get  it  in."  I  wonder  what  any  of  you 
would  do  under  circumstances  like  that.  It  seemed 
as  though  my  throat  would  burst,  and  I  had  to 
think  very  quickly  how  absurd  it  would  be  for 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  41 

the  new  Matron  to  weep  before  all  those  heroic, 
stoical  men  and  the  matter-of-fact,  externally 
brusque  but  inwardly  most  kind,  English  oflScer, 
and  orderlies,  so  I  got  myself  together  speedily 
while  I  was  putting  out  the  cigarette  in  the  sand 
with  my  boot  toe.  And  he  was  only  one,  and  there 
are  thousands  like  him. 

Two  of  our  men  were  buried  by  the  explosion  of 
a  mine.  The  one  who  had  his  head  out  in  the 
air  put  his  hand  over  the  face  of  the  other  so  that 
the  latter  could  breathe  and  did  not  suffocate, 
but  the  first  was  badly  hurt  in  the  chest.  There 
are  hundreds  of  stories  like  these.  The  nurses 
are  always  telling  something  new  about  their 
men.  Little  things  that  come  out  in  the  course  of 
conversation,  enough  to  fill  a  book.  One  of  the 
most  pitiful  groups  are  the  "shell  shocks."  The 
other  night  the  explosion  of  shells  could  be  dis- 
tinctly heard,  and  almost  all  these  cases  shook  as 
though  they  were  having  convulsions  all  night. 
As  one  of  them  said,  "Some  poor  devils  are  getting  , 
theirs  now."  One  interesting  case  was  brought  / 
in  unable  to  speak  several  days  ago.  The  other 
night  he  fell  out  of  bed,  and  sat  up  and  said  "Sis- 
ter, I  can  talk  now."  These  shell-shock  cases  are 
always  falling  out  of  bed,  it  seems. 

Yesterday  I  went  to  town  for  the  first  time  since 
I  have  been  here.  I  went  for  the  straw  hats. 
I  went  into  the  Cathedral,  which  is  by  far  the  most 


42  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

beautiful  I  have  ever  seen,  I  think,  with  the 
exception  of  that  at  Milan.  It  is  going  to  be  a 
constant  joy  to  have  that  place  to  visit.  Rouen 
is  an  interesting  city  and  has  good  shops.  It 
swarms  with  uniforms  of  all  hues. 

I  was  glad  to  get  all  your  letters  yesterday  and 
day  before  yesterday.  According  to  the  accounts 
of  the  very  cold  weather  they  had  here  last  year 
our  patients  and  any  patients  in  the  neighbor- 
hood are  going  to  need  all  the  warm  knitted  things 
they  can  get.  Nurses  say  that  the  solutions  in 
their  bottles  froze  in  the  tents  and  their  first 
early  morning  duties  were  to  thaw  out  the  bottles. 
We  hear  that  this  hospital  is  to  be  hutted  before 
the  Autumn,  which  will  be  much  better  for  the 
winter,  but  even  then  there  will  not  be  any  steam 
heat.  When  I  have  the  Matron's  office,  which  is 
the  jockey-room  of  the  grandstand  of  this  old 
race  course,  I  shall  have  a  large  table  and  some 
shelves,  also  a  little  stove  for  cold  days.  We  are 
all  so  delighted  and  interested  to  hear  from  Elsie's 
letter  that  more  Units  are  being  ordered  out. 
And  we  are  all  so  glad  we  were  in  the  first  lot. 

A  Colonel  commanding  a  neighboring  base  has 
just  been  to  call.  He  rode  down,  he  said,  to  pay 
his  respects  to  the  "American  Matron."  He  was 
very  charming  and  we  had  a  nice  talk.  He  says 
he  is  going  to  ask  us  up  to  tea.  He  "goes  in  for 
a  garden  and  all  that,  you  know."  I  am  meet- 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  43 

ing  so  very  many  delightful  people.  All  the 
Matrons  from  the  various  hospital  camps  near 
have  either  been  to  call  or  invited  us  to  concerts 
at  their  grounds.  Last  night  there  was  such  a 
pretty  affair  at  the  Australian  camp,^  a  concert, 
a  kind  of  variety  show  given  by  members  of 
the  camp,  orderlies,  cooks,  and  other  regular  army 
people,  but  really  very  clever.  It  was  out  of  doors, 
of  course,  under  some  lovely  trees,  and  there  must 
have  been  400  to  500  people  there  as  audience, 
all  in  uniform  of  some  sort :  mostly  oflScers  and 
nurses  and  Y.  M.  C.  A.  workers,  etc.  It  began  at 
8  and  lasted  until  about  10.30.  Refreshments 
were  served  from  a  large  tent,  and  it  was  all  very 
pretty  and  very  English. 

Ruth  C —  has  just  been  in  to  see  me  a  moment. 
She  is  on  night  duty  and  is  working  very  hard. 
She  says  there  never  in  the  world  were  such  won- 
derful patients,  that  no  matter  how  much  they 
are  suffering  they  are  "quite  all  right,  thank 
you.  Sister,"  and  they  won't  ask  for  things,  and 
when  she  asks  them  if  they  are  in  pain,  they  say, 
**Not  too  much.  Sister."  The  first  night  she  says 
she  went  all  to  pieces,  but  nobody  saw  her ;  now 
she  too  is  getting  steadier.  That  first  night  she 
was  responsible  for  90  men,  many  of  whom  were 
in  the  most  awful  condition.  It  was  no  wonder 

1  Hospital  down  on  the  opposite  side  of  tbe  race  course.  It  was 
a  promenade. 


44  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

that  it  got  on  her  nerves  a  bit.  She  was  so  much 
interested  in  my  letters  from  you,  as  she  has  had 
no  word  from  St.  Louis,  in  fact  no  letter  at  all  as 
yet.  I  can  really  see  very  little  of  her  since  I  am 
in  charge  and  so  much  in  the  midst  of  the  group 
all  the  time.  In  London,  Miss  Dunlop  and  I  went 
to  everything  together,  and  here  the  Matron  and 
I  go  in  pairs,  or  my  own  assistant,  Miss  Taylor,  and 
I.  From  a  personal  point  of  view  there  are  lots  of 
disadvantages  in  being  the  head.  I  have  to  be  on 
show  all  the  time  and  always  have  to  meet  people 
and  be  sociable  and  go  to  all  the  functions,  and 
I  hate  having  things  better  than  the  rest  of  my 
people.  For  instance,  our  table  in  the  mess  hall 
has  a  tablecloth  instead  of  oilcloth,  and  sometimes 
we  have  little  extra  things  like  strawberries  when 
the  others  don't.  By  and  by  things  won't  have  to 
be  that  way.  But  the  Matrons  here  are  very 
much  honored  and  set  apart  and  kotowed  to  in 
a  way  that  disturbs  our  democratic  American 
spirit. 

Dad's  letter  was  so  wonderfully  cheering  and 
helpful.  It  is  so  pathetic  the  way  one  can  lose 
sight  of  one's  inspirations  if  one's  feet  are  tired, 
or  the  way  one  can  forget  one  is  on  a  crusade  if 
there  is  no  drinking  water  to  be  had  for  half  a 
day,  and  can  be  just  an  ordinary  uninspired  human 
female  and  be  fretful  and  discouraged  because 
you  don't  like  the  tone  of  voice  of  a  supervisor. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  45 

It  is  my  job  of  course  to  keep  before  my  people 
the  why  of  our  coming  and  to  keep  their  spirits 
up.  As  the  director  said  this  morning,  we  must 
never  be  discouraged  or  depressed,  that  our 
biggest  job  is  to  keep  our  people  full  of  enthusiasm. 
Sometimes  it  is  hard  if  one's  own  head  aches, 
but  it  really  is  not  hard  for  those  of  us  who  under- 
stand the  meaning  of  our  being  here.  No  coffee 
for  breakfast  can  actually  blind  some  people  to 
visions,  and  tea  offered  them  five  times  a  day  can 
make  them  speak  in  a  way  that  will  really  antag- 
onize the  people  we  have  come  to  help.  Our 
minds  and  bodies  are  funny  things.  There  is  not 
much  thrill  in  putting  your  tired,  luxury-loving 
body  to  bed  on  a  hard  camp  cot  after  washing 
it  as  well  as  you  can  in  a  cup  of  warm  water. 
We  shall  probably  have  mattresses  issued  to  us 
when  we  can  get  them,  but  in  the  meantime  the 
canvas  cot  is  not  so  bad  when  it  has  a  folded 
blanket  in  it.  We  have  no  business  to  bring 
ourselves  up  to  be  so  finicky.  Nobody  should 
ever  always  "have  to  have  two  pillows  or  she 
can't  sleep  a  wink"  or  be  "terribly  dependent 
on  sugar"  or  "just  has  to  have  so  much  sleep" 
or  "just  can't  touch  a  thing  with  cheese  in  it." 
Those  of  you  who  have  kids  to  bring  up,  if  you 
want  to  make  them  adaptable  to  every  possible 
circumstance,  do  make  them  eat  everything  at 
any  time,  or  be  able  to  get  along  without  any- 


46  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

thing.  Make  them  sleep  any  way  on  anything  at 
any  time,  and  you  are  giving  them  something 
worth  more  than  rubies.  My  nurses  are  not  bad 
about  these  things.  On  the  whole  they  are  bricks, 
and  I  have  had  and  am  having  the  very  minimum 
of  trouble.  I  really  have  been  proud  of  them,  the 
fine  way  they  traveled.  There  wasn't  a  murmur, 
only  jokes,  the  day  they  had  nothing  to  eat  from 
8  A.M.  to  5  P.M.,  standing  about  all  morning  on 
the  boat  —  there  weren't  seats  enough  to  go 
around  —  and  in  the  train  all  afternoon. 

Saturday,  June  30,  1917. 
Dearest  Dad  and  Mother 
and  all  the  rest :  — 
It  is  a  cold,  rainy  day  and  you'd  be  surprised  to 
know  how  really  cold  it  is.  At  night  the  night 
nurses  are  already  wearing  all  their  heavy  under- 
wear and  their  sweaters  and  their  capes.  I  don't 
quite  see  how  they  are  going  to  manage  when 
real  winter  comes.  It  is  hard  to  realize  that  it  is 
only  the  end  of  June.  We  had  just  two  warm  days, 
but  when  the  sun  is  out  it  gets  warmed  up  around 
the  middle  of  the  day,  but  most  days  coats  are 
very  comfortable.  I  am  having  a  new  blue  serge 
uniform  made  here  in  town,  for  I  can  foresee  that, 
with  my  office  work,  I  shall  be  wearing  the  "stuff" 
uniform  much  more  than  the  white  ones.  My  office 
which   was  the  jockey-room  of  the  grandstand. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  47 

in  one  corner  of  the  back,  is  a  very  pleasant  room. 
It  is  about  as  large  as  the  central  one  of  our 
Training  School  oflBces  at  home.  The  furniture 
is  a  large  plain  table  covered  with  a  dark  blanket, 
shelves  and  cupboards  made  of  boxes,  a  small 
folding  table,  some  camp  stools,  a  couple  of 
straight  chairs,  and  some  matting.  But  the  effect 
is  quite  cozy,  and  some  reddish  art  squares  on 
the  stained  boxes  make  the  room  quite  cheerful. 

I  have  not  written  for  about  two  weeks,  for  there 
has  been  very  little  to  write  and  I  have  not  felt 
much  like  writing,  since  we  have  had  no  mail  at 
all  since  those  first  few  letters  that  reached  us 
here  just  after  we  got  here.  I  have  kept  think- 
ing that  I  would  put  off  writing  until  I  had  some 
letters  to  answer.  But  none  have  come.  To-day 
the  doctors  got  a  whole  batch,  but  there  were 
only  two  letters  for  the  nurses.  That  is  the  way 
our  mail  has  been  coming  through,  one  or  two 
letters  at  a  time.  It  seems  very  probable  that 
some  of  our  mail  has  been  lost  or  missent,  for  the 
few  of  us  who  have  received  letters  say  that 
reference  is  made  in  them  to  previous  letters 
which  have  never  arrived. 

For  a  whole  week  now  I  have  been  entirely 
"on  my  own"  here  with  the  nursing,  and  the 
hospital  has  not  stopped !  We  have  been  contin- 
uing to  get  in  convoys  and  to  send  them  out,  not 
big  ones  but  varying  from  30  to  100  patients. 


48  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

The  other  night  at  midnight  I  went  down  to  the 
receiving  tent  to  see  how  a  convoy  coming  in 
was  managed,  and  it  was  one  of  the  most  interest- 
ing hours  I  ever  spent.  The  big  marquee  has 
about  two  feeble  electric  lights  in  it;  some  of 
the  doctors  had  electric  torches,  but  it  was  all 
very  dim  and  spooky.  The  ambulances  backed 
up  near  to  the  door,  and  our  stretcher  bearers 
were  all  there  ready  to  receive  their  patients  by 
the  time  they  had  stopped.  We  get  telephone 
messages  when  to  expect  a  convoy.  The  stretchers 
are  brought  in  and  laid  on  the  dirt  floor  as  close 
together  as  possible.  Then  another  group  of  n^en 
begin  at  once  to  examine  the  tickets  that  are 
fastened  to  the  coat  of  each  man,  and  assign  them 
to  particular  tents  where  men  with  similar  injuries 
or  in  similar  condition  are  taken  care  of.  Another 
couple  of  men  hand  6ut  steaming  hot  soup,  and 
the  doctors  talk  to  the  men  a  little,  but  do  not 
examine  them  there  at  all.  Then  very  quickly  the 
stretcher  bearers  come  and  carry  out  the  men 
that  have  been  assigned,  out  through  the  opposite 
end  of  the  tent  out  into  the  darkness  off  to  a  bed 
in  some  comfortable  tent  where  a  nurse  and  an 
orderly  are  waiting  to  get  the  poor  tired  creature 
into  bed.  They  give  baths  if  they  can;  and  get 
the  infected  and  dirty  clothes  listed  and  off  to 
the  fumigator,  and  unless  the  patient  is  in  very 
bad  condition  let  him  go  right  off  to  sleep.  The 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  49 

doctors  have  found  that  the  men  are  much  more 
in  need  of  a  good  sleep  than  of  a  doctor's  care 
right  off,  and,  unless  absolutely  necessary,  dress- 
ings are  not  changed  until  the  morning.  That 
night  64  men,  most  of  them  stretcher  cases,  wer^ 
brought  in,  assigned,  given  soup,  and  taken  off 
to  their  wards  (tents)  in  25  minutes,  which  you 
see  is  pretty  speedy  work. 

The  men  have  very  little  to  say  when  they  first 
come  in.  They  are  tired  out  and  forlorn  and  often 
in  pain  and  dazed.  They  some  of  them  seem 
surprised  to  see  Americans  taking  care  of  them, 
but  they  don't  say  much.  They  answer  wearily, 
"Not  so  bad.  Sister"  or  "A  bit  rocky,  sir,"  but 
later  some  of  them  tell  most  awful  stories.  One 
of  them  told  the  other  day  of  getting  caught  on 
a  barbed  wire  entanglement  on  which  he  was 
thrown  by  the  explosion  of  a  shell  and  of  hang- 
ing there  all  day  before  he  was  rescued.  It  had 
happened  early  in  the  morning,  and  the  rescuing 
party  could  not  get  to  him  until  after  dark. 
Another  told  of  lying  out  between  two  lines  of 
trenches  three  days.  He  was  hurt  in  the  hip  and 
could  drag  himself  only  a  few  inches  at  a  time. 
He  got  water  from  the  bottles  of  the  dead  soldiers. 
We  get  not  only  surgical  cases  but  a  good  many 
medical  ones,  pleurisy,  nephritis,  trench  fever, 
lots  of  them,  and  all  sorts  of  heart  conditions. 
We  also  get  a  good  many  not  due  to  military 


50  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

life,  appendicitis,  injuries  from  kicks  from  horses, 
infections,  etc.,  but  most  axe  "G.  S.  W"  (gunshot 
woimd).  Some  axe  unbelievably  awful,  whole  parts 
blown  away,  as  for  instance  all  the  flesh  across 
the  shoulders  or  between  the  thighs,  where  a  shell 
tore  right  through  from  behind.  I  cannot  see  how 
some  of  them  live,  and  live  so  bravely  and  cheer- 
fully. 

And  it  is  not  only  the  men  that  are  brave  but 
the  women  too.  This  afternoon  I  have  been  try- 
ing to  arrange  for  one  of  our  "B.  V.  D.'s,"  as  the 
doctors  call  them,  meaning  the  "V.  A.  D.'s"  to 
get  a  permit  to  go  to  a  hospital  in  E.,  where  her 
brother  is.  He  has  been  wounded  but  not  seri- 
ously enough  to  be  sent  back  to  England.  She 
has  had  one  brother  killed,  another  is  a  prisoner, 
and  now  this  youngest  brother  is  wounded, 
and  she  is  the  cheeriest,  bravest  little  thing  you 
ever  saw.  Another  has  had  three  brothers  killed, 
and  you  would  never  dream  it  to  see  her.  A  third, 
whose  fianc6  was  killed  about  a  month  ago,  I  am 
a  little  worried  about ;  she  is  driving  herself  into 
the  work  so  hard.  Oh,  there  are  so  many  pitiful 
people  over  here  it  keeps  one's  heart  torn  up  the 
whole  livelong  time.  You  can't  get  away  from 
the  sorrows  of  people  ever.  Not  that  one  wants 
to,  if  there  is  anything  that  can  be  done,  but  at 
home  there  are  times,  thank  God,  when  one  can 
forget  all  the  woe  of  the  world,  and  pain  and  sor- 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  51 

row,  but  not  here.  It  is  before  your  eyes  every 
waking  minute  and  in  your  ears  even  in  your 
sleep  when  the  feet  go  marching,  marching  by. 

Last  evening  I  had  a  beautiful  walk  with  doctor 
Veeder.  The  sunset  was  glorious,  and  we  walked 
along  roads  that  looked  like  Corot  pictures. 
After  quite  a  long  time  we  came  out  from  our 
woodsy  road  to  an  open  space  which  seemed  to 
extend  away  for  a  mile  or  so  without  any  grass 
or  any  trees  on  it.  It  was  getting  dark  and  we 
could  not  distinguish  things  clearly,  but  Dr. 
Veeder  said  he  thought  this  was  the  place  where 
the  daily  practice  in  trench  warfare  went  on.  We 
walked  a  bit  over  the  very  rough  field  and  heard 
voices,  though  we  could  not  see  any  one.  Pretty 
soon  an  officer  appeared  from  nowhere,  and  when 
we  asked  him  if  we  could  look  around,  he  said 
**  Certainly,"  and  he  himself  conducted  us.  The 
field  had  been  made  into  a  regular  practice  battle 
field.  It  was  criss-crossed  with  trenches  and 
craters.  But  the  worst  was  the  dummy  men 
placed  all  over  everywhere.  These  dummy  men  the 
men  have  to  learn  to  bayonet  as  they  rush  by,  so 
as  to  learn  how  to  use  their  bayonets  even  in  the 
narrow  trenches.  Our  officer  and  another  who 
joined  us  explained  things  to  us  and  told  us  it 
was  a  relief  to  have  some  one  new,  to  talk  to,  as 
they  have  to  stay  out  there  in  the  trenches  with 
their  men  from  10  p.m,  to  9  a.m.  when  they  are  re- 


52  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

lieved  by  another  batch.  It  was  most  wonderfully 
interesting;  but  impresses  the  horror  of  warfare 
on  me  even  more  than  it  has  been  impressed  be- 
fore. The  trenches  were  most  wonderfully  and 
elaborately  made  and  have  dugouts  and  lines  of 
communication  and  bayous  and  many  other  tech- 
nical things  which  I  could  not  grasp  fully  at  the 
first  hearing. 

Another  incident  that  happened  to  one  of  my 
nurses  this  past  week  made  more  very  vivid 
impressions.  I  say  "incident"  because  that  is 
all  it  was  in  the  life  of  the  camp,  but  the  young 
woman  said  it  was  the  most  interesting  day  she 
ever  spent.  She,  Miss  Cuppaidge,  had  been  de- 
tailed to  go  with  a  doctor,  an  anaesthetist,  and  an 
orderly  to  a  "Casualty  Clearing  Station."  When 
called  for,  small  groups  like  this  are  sent  up  from 
the  base  hospital  whenever  there  is  a  big  drive. 
I  received  an  order  that  Miss  Cuppaidge  was  to 
go  for  her  "gas  training"  at  a  certain  time.  The 
group  is  just  got  ready  and  kept  at  their  regular 
jobs  until  an  order  comes  for  them  to  proceed  to 
the  "C.  C.  S."  At  the  appointed  time  for  the 
training  Miss  Cuppaidge  went  to  the  "gas  school" 
in  the  neighboring  training  camp.  There  she  and 
four  others,  nurses  from  other  hospitals,  were 
taken  in  charge  by  an  officer.  They  first  had 
minute  instructions  about  properly  adjusting 
their  gas  masks.  These  are  rather  complicated. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  53 

as  they  are  regular  respirators.  A  piece  through 
which  they  breathe  has  to  be  held  in  the  mouth, 
and  a  pair  of  padded  clamps  shut  off  the  nose. 
This  is  inside  the  mask  which  fits  around  the 
face  and  is  held  on  by  straps  around  the  head. 
They  must  learn  to  put  on  the  things  and  fix 
the  clamps  and  mouth  pieces  in  six  seconds. 
They  then  have  to  learn  how  to  breathe  just 
through  the  mouth  without  choking  or  what  is 
worse.  Miss  Cuppaidge  said,  without  dribbling. 
They  also  have  to  get  used  to  the  queer  sensa- 
tion in  the  ears  when  they  swallow.  When  the  ' 
masks  are  all  right  and  everybody  is  breathing 
all  right,  they  are  put  into  a  gas-filled  room. 
This  gas  is  just  a  tear  gas.  They  are  left  there 
five  minutes,  then  taken  out  and  they  are  asked 
about  irritated  eyes.  If  there  is  irritation  the 
masks  are  leaking  or  improperly  adjusted.  They 
are  then  taken  into  trenches  where  other  gases 
are  liberated  to  get  them  used  to  the  odors,  so 
that  they  can  detect  the  presence  of  gas  quickly. 
Some  gases  are  so  deadly  three  breaths  of  it  will 
cause  death,  hence  the  hurry  in  quick  detection 
and  quick  adjustment  of  masks.  Some  of  these 
gases  travel  six  and  seven  miles.  As  near  as  I 
could  make  out  the  gases  are  mainly  of  two  sorts, 
a  chlorine  gas  and  a  **  phosgene  "  one.  The  oflScer 
lectured  to  the  nurses  upon  the  effects  of  these 
gases  and  about  the  treatment  of  them  and  in 


54  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

the  middle  of  the  afternoon  sent  them  home  smell- 
ing like  the  dickens,  but,  as  Miss  C.  said,  entirely 
unafraid  of  gas  and  quite  prepared  to  guard 
against  it  if  they  meet  it.  Their  gas  outfits  they 
have  hitched  to  them  all  the  time  when  near  the 
place  they  are  likely  to  meet  it.  We  shall  have 
other  small  groups  go  up  to  the  C.  C.  S.  after 
this  one  is  called  out  and  I  mean  to  be  detailed 
to  go  with  one.  These  parties  stay  sometimes 
only  a  few  days  and  sometimes  a  few  weeks, 
but  I  certainly  mean  to  go  if  I  can  persuade  the 
authorities  to  let  me  leave  Miss  Taylor  in  charge. 
I  have  so  little  contact  with  the  patients  and  so 
little  of  anything  but  oflice  work  and  receiving 
oflScials  and  company  of  all  sorts  I  believe  that 
they  would  think  I  ought  to  have  a  little  of  the 
real  war  work. 

The  hospital  end  of  my  work  is  going  very 
smoothly,  because  I  have  excellent  supervisors, 
and  the  head  nurses  are  all  doing  very  well.  For 
those  who  are  interested  I  will  mention  that  Miss 
Stebbins  is  the  Day  Surgical  Supervisor,  Mrs. 
Hausmann  the  Night  Med.  Sup.,  Miss  Habenicht 
is  the  Day  Med.  Sup.,  and  Miss  Claiborne  the 
Night  Surg.  Sup.  The  place  is  so  big  and  there 
are  so  many  lines  of  tents  to  be  covered  we  have 
a  supervisor  for  the  medical  side  and  a  separate 
one  for  the  surgical  side  both  night  and  day. 
Some  of  you  people  at  home  would  be  amused 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  55 

to  see  our  night  supervisors  on  a  rainy  night. 
In  rubber  hats,  coats,  and  rubber  boots  and  carry- 
ing a  lantern  they  go  ducking  about  in  and  out 
of  tents,  having  a  beautiful  time,  they  say,  splash- 
ing about  and  tripping  over  tent  ropes.  Any  way 
we  all  seem  to  be  thriving  under  these  new  condi- 
tions. We  all  are  getting  very  brown.  All  have 
enormous  appetites  and  can  eat  with  relish  the 
tinned  bully  beef  that  we  get  four  or  five  times 
a  week  and  the  hard  dark  war  bread.  Never 
again  will  I  talk  about  wrapped  bread.  Here,  as 
somebody  said  the  other  day,  loaves  of  bread 
are  used  to  spike  the  cart  wheels.  But  we  eat  it 
just  the  same  in  huge  slices. 

Our  food  question  is  a  problem.  It  does  not 
need  to  be  as  poor  as  it  is,  and  I  mean  to  see  pretty 
soon  that  it  is  improved.  The  trouble  really 
is  with  the  help.  My  domestic  problems  are  driv- 
ing me  crazy,  but  this  last  week  I  appealed  for 
help  and  Captain  Veeder  has  been  asked  to  assist 
me  to  clean  our  places  and  work  out  some  kind  of 
scheme.  Our  kitchen  is  one  of  the  old  stalls,  quite 
open  at  the  end  as  stalls  are.  Other  stalls  are 
used  for  storage,  and  oh  the  dirt.  I  had  not  been 
assigned  enough  help  at  first  and  anyway  there 
had  been  such  a  muddle  of  V.  A.  D.'s  working 
in  the  Mess,  some  old  good-for-nothing  soldiers, 
hangers-on,  and  a  few  Belgian  girls  who  help 
take  care  of  the  nurses'  room  and  do  odd  jobs. 


56  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

I  could  not  possibly  see  what  I  was  going  to  do 
with  the  place  for  some  time.  To  add  to  my  diffi- 
culties the  V.  A.  D.'s  draw  a  certain  ration  from 
the  British  quartermaster  and  pay  into  the  Mess 
a  certain  amount  of  money,  and  the  American 
nurses'  ration  was  to  be  quite  different,  and  the 
whole  arrangement  quite  different.  There  are  40 
V.  A.  D.'s  and  64  nurses.  Consider  the  problem. 
I  got  some  fairly  decent  French  women  to  come 
and  ch  ^n  and  help  cook.  The  American  man  cook 
could  not  talk  to  them  and  had  a  fit,  for  whenever 
his  back  was  turned,  they  did  things  he  did  not 
mean  to  have  done.  I  got  the  place  cleaned  only 
by  getting  extra  fatigue  men  up  with  shovels  and 
brooms.  We  are  to  be  whitewashed  to-morrow. 
An  extra  American  has  been  put  on  to  keep  the 
other  man  company  and  give  him  somebody  to 
talk  to  !  The  French  women  are  to  keep  on  clean- 
ing and  are  to  do  the  dishes  that  the  British 
soldiers  have  been  swishing  aroimd  in  tubs  of 
cold  water.  The  V.  A.  D.'s  are  gradually  being 
put  in  the  wards,  where  they  won't  have  a  chance 
to  have  tea  so  many  times  a  day.  Everybody 
can  have  it  five  times  a  day  if  desired ! 

While  waiting  to  hear  from  Washington  about 
increased  rations  on  account  of  the  greatly  in- 
creased cost  of  food  over  here  we  are  taxing  every- 
body a  franc  a  day  for  extra  green  things  for  the 
Mess.  The  U.  S.  A.  allows  40  cents  a  day  per 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  57 

nurse  for  messing.  The  usual  custom  is  to  draw 
not  as  many  rations  as  there  are  persons  to  pro- 
vide for,  then  to  draw  the  difference  in  money  and 
buy  extra  things  with  the  money.  But  over  here 
that  scheme  at  40  cents  a  day  cannot  work,  food 
is  too  high.  So  a  cable  has  been  sent  to  Wash- 
ington. The  doctors  are  not  having  this  trouble 
because  they  always  expect  to  buy  most  of  their 
food  out  of  their  salaries.  They  draw  their  regular 
rations  and  buy  lots  of  stuff,  then  divide  the 
cost  among  the  whole  group.  They  have  a  much 
smaller  group  to  take  care  of  and  are  not  compli- 
cated as  I  am  by  the  servant  or  V.  A.  D.  problem. 
They  have  American  men  looking  after  them. 
Oh  well,  I  can  begin  to  see  light  ahead  now,  and 
although  no  one  likes  the  food,  as  it  is  they  are 
not  starving.  A  slice  of  ham  all  dried  up  to  noth- 
ing and  dark  army  bread  and  tea  and  possibly 
a  little  marmalade  does  not  make  a  very  good 
breakfast  for  Americans,  but  it  will  keep  one 
going  if  enough  bread  and  butter  is  eaten.  We 
are  now  getting  coffee,  such  as  it  is,  and  I  mean  to 
see  about  cereal  very  soon.  Eggs  have  been  seven 
cents  apiece,  not  centimes  but  cents.  I  am  not 
letting  my  perfectly  good  dietitian  put  her  ener- 
gies on  this  domestic  problem  of  ours,  for  I  am 
keeping  her  for  the  poor  sick  soldiers,  and  in  a 
few  days  or  Weeks  I  mean  to  have  a  regular  diet 
kitchen  started  for  her.  My  "Home  Sister"  is 


58  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

finding  the  complication  of  four  kinds  of  help 
and  several  languages  almost  too  much  for  her, 
but  between  us  all  we  shall  plow  through  this 
mire,  and  now  that  Dr.  Veeder  has  turned  his 
attention  upon  our  difficulties  I  am  sure  we  shall 
get  through  them  all  right.  You  ought  to  hear 
me  engage  servants  in  French.  They  understand 
and  come.  When  they  see  some  of  the  difficulties 
of  lack  of  hot  water,  etc.,  they  go,  and  I  have  to 
begin  all  over  again.  It  is  a  great  life. 

One  of  the  greatest  things  about  it  is  meeting 
so  many  different  kinds  of  people.  Two  such 
nice  Australian  Sisters  were  here  to  call  upon  me 
this  afternoon.  And  the  New  Zealanders  are  so 
very  polite  and  nice,  and  these  little  V.  A.  D.'s  are 
charming.  Anyway  I  am  glad  I  am  here,  only 
I  wish  you  were  all  here  too.  Then  things  would 
be  ideal.  You'd  all  love  this  beautiful  country, 
and  this  quaint  old  city  that  is  nearly  swamped 
under  this  enormous  influx  of  strange  foreign 
people.  The  paper  to-day  says  (we  get  a  little 
single-leaf  edition  of  the  London  Daily  Mail) 
that  our  troops  have  landed  in  France.  I  hope 
thousands  more  come  along  soon,  so  that  all  this 
beastly  business  can  be  stopped  soon.  People 
are  counting  on  the  coming  of  our  troops  so 
much.  Everybody  says  France  needs  help  badly. 
Surely  our  forces  can  bring  an  end  to  all  this 
frightfulness.  No  mail  yet.  None  at  all  except 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  59 

those  written  for  my  birthday.  Oh  well,  that  is  f 
war.  Loads  and  loads  of  love  to  you  all.  [ 

Sunday,  July  8,  1917. 

Rouen,  France. 

Such  a  nice  lot  of  letters  as  we  got  to-day.  There 
is  very  little  difference  between  Sundays  and 
other  days  here,  except  perhaps  a  little  more 
business  than  usual  is  done  on  Sundays,  but  mail 
comes  and  goes  these  days  just  like  other  days. 
Ever  since  we  came  only  one  or  two  letters  for 
nurses  have  been  dribbling  along  through  until 
to-day  when  some  people  got  as  many  as  12  or 
14  letters,  and  great  was  the  rejoicing  thereat. 

Dr.  Veeder  can  do  no  medical  work  at  all  just 
now,  Phil  will  be  interested  to  know,  or  in  fact 
doctoring  of  any  kind.  At  the  present  time  he  is 
spending  his  entire  time  quartermastering.  He 
is  entirely  responsible  for  the  officers'  mess  and 
does  all  the  buying  and  planning,  arranging  about 
cooks,  cleaning  up,  etc.,  and  he  is  doing  it  well 
too,  and  with  a  mighty  good  grace.  He  has  been 
helping  us  up  at  the  "Sisters'  Mess"  with  our 
problems  and  has  been  pursuing  coal  to  its  lair, 
and  getting  whitewash  from  nowhere,  and  doing 
all  sorts  of  miracles  that  only  a  very  persistent 
and  determined  man  can  do.  The  result  is  that 
all  the  doctors  and  nurses  are  able  to  do  their 
work  in  a  much  better  way  than  if  a  less  efficient 


60  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

person  were  back  of  their  food  and  comfort. 
But  Dr.  Veeder's  spirit  in  doing  his  particular 
job  and  doing  it  well,  even  though  it  is  so  abso- 
lutely different  from  what  he  was  trained  for, 
and  what  he  would  prefer,  is  the  spirit  which  is 
found  throughout  the  whole  organization.  It 
does  one's  heart  good  to  see  the  way  men  who 
are  Ph.D.'s  can  do  regular  orderly  work,  and  put 
a  lot  into  it,  and  get  a  lot  out  of  it,  and  the  way 
accountants  can  be  stretcher  bearers,  and  other 
highly  trained  men  do  the  rough  work  in  laboratory 
and  mess  hall. 

There  is  a  remarkable  spirit  of  service  and 
glad  service  everywhere.  Of  course  there  have 
been  a  few  grumblers  who  have  complained 
that  they  did  not  come  'way  out  here  to  do  this 
or  that,  but  most  of  the  men  have  been  converted 
by  coming  into  contact  with  the  attitude  of 
men  like  Dr.  Murphy.  All  that  has  been  neces- 
sary is  a  few  words  from  him  to  make  them  pretty 
much  ashamed.  And  words  haven't  been  neces- 
sary often.  For  when  they  realize  that  Dr.  Murphy 
has  not  performed  a  single  operation  since  he  has 
been  here,  but  has  been  putting  all  his  ability  in 
organizing  and  administering,  and  being  up 
nights  and  days,  seeing  convoys  out  and  convoys 
in,  seeing  that  they  are  all  properly  ticketed  and 
all  their  forms  are  properly  made  out,  finding 
out  why  sufficient  oil  has  not  been  left  for  the 


FENDING  THEMSELVES  61 

lanterns  of  the  night  orderlies,  why  only  6  eggs 
were  delivered  to  one  of  the  tents  when  12  were 
ordered,  letting  the  nurses  know  who  the  right 
person  is  to  give  the  up-patients  permission  who 
wish  to  leave  the  compound  to  attend  the  Catholic 
Church  across  the  road,  going  personally  to  buy 
a  better  oil  stove  for  the  night-nurses'  supper  hut, 
finding  out  why  the  ward-master  did  not  notify 
a  particular  nurse  long  enough  before  a  convoy 
was  to  go  out  so  that  her  patient  could  be  ready, 
etc.  etc.  —  when  they  realize  all  these  things 
and  a  thousand  more  that  he  is  doing  all  the  time 
that  he  did  not  come  out  to  do,  they  pretty  gen- 
erally shut  up  and  put  all  their  energies  on  the 
job  that  has  been  given  them. 

Last  night  the  Director  saw  a  convoy  come  in 
just  about  midnight.  It  was  a  pretty  big  bimch 
of  men  and  it  took  some  time.  One  was  in  such 
a  condition  that  he  had  to  go  to  the  operating 
room  about  3.  Dr.  Clopton  operated.  At  4.45 
a  convoy  was  sent  out  to  catch  a  particular  ambu- 
lance train,  and  Dr.  M.  was  down  at  The  Point, 
as  our  receiving  tent  is  called,  to  see  them  off. 
At  7.30  he  was  at  the  service  in  our  little  chapel, 
all  the  morning  he  was  down  in  the  tents  conferring 
with  the  other  doctors  and  making  plans  to  get  the 
things  they  needed  in  their  work.  At  2  he  brought 
a  Red  Cross  official  to  talk  over  some  things 
in  their  work  with  me,  and  I  know  that  at  4.30 


62  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

he  had  an  appointment  with  a  neighboring  Colonel. 
When  he  sleeps  I  know  not.  In  the  intervals  of 
doings  like  these  he  comes  to  ask  me  if  I  will 
make  out  a  list  of  magazines  I  would  like  for  the 
nurses,  or  he  sends  roses  and  vases  to  put  them 
in !  We  are  lucky  to  have  such  a  man  at  the  head 
of  an  expedition  like  this.  His  kindness  and  gen- 
uine goodness  reach  down  to  the  most  ordinary 
private.  Late  yesterday  afternoon  he  was  batting 
ball  with  a  bunch  of  enlisted  men.  They  of  course 
are  crazy  about  him,  as  are  all  the  people  who 
work  with  him.  There  is  never  a  matter  too  trivial 
for  his  attention  or  too  vital  and  too  important 
for  discussion  with  him. 

This  letter  was  not  meant  for  a  eulogy,  though 
it  seems  to  have  turned  into  one.  But  my  atten- 
tion has  turned  to  our  unusual  good  fortune  in 
having  such  a  leader,  by  the  fact  that  other  Chief 
Nurses  do  not  always  get  the  kind  of  help  and 
cooperation  that  I  am  getting.  What  would  I 
do  if  I  had  forbidden  my  nurses  to  do  something 
which  I  felt  was  wrong  or  inadvisable  and  then 
the  director  of  the  Unit  reversed  the  action? 
It  is  an  unbearable  situation  to  conceive,  but  I 
am  afraid  some  Chief  Nurses  may  have  to  face 
just  such  difficulties.  But  here  such  a  situation 
could  not  possibly  exist.  Other  Units  have  sneered 
a  little  at  what  they  call  our  religious  attitude, 
having    nightly    services    on    the    boat,    regular 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  63 

attendance  at  services  here,  and  making  the  whole 
thing  a  prolonged  act  of  service.  But  as  Dr. 
Murphy  said  when  he  talked  to  our  nurses  that 
last  night  in  London,  there  is  only  one  way  of 
bearing  the  close  contact  with  such  pain  and  sor- 
row, of  bearing  whatever  discomforts  we  may 
ourselves  have  to  bear,  of  working  out  our  own 
internal  problems  of  antipathies  or  antagonisms, 
of  keeping  our  souls  serene,  and  that  is  by  doing 
it  all  with  the  deepest  religious  motive  and  in 
utter  devotion  to  service.  I  have  heard  him  say 
many  times,  "We  have  come  to  serve  in  what- 
ever way  we  can  and  as  long  as  we  are  needed." 
And  so  I  look  ahead  to  the  future  with  the  great- 
est peace  of  mind.  I  am  not  afraid  of  any  diffi- 
culties with  my  women  or  with  the  men. 

My  women  are  splendid.  A  few,  of  course,  have 
periods  of  rearing,  but  they  all  have  steadied  down 
most  beautifully.  And  I  think  now  that  it  was 
emotions  strained  almost  beyond  endurance  at 
first  that  caused  the  rearing.  We  are  all  happy, 
contented,  and  well,  and  I  am  so  proud  of  the 
spirit  of  cooperation  I  find  among  them  I  can 
hardly  express  it.  I  certainly  have  some  wonder- 
fully splendid  women  with  me.  Some  of  them 
have  queer  exteriors  and  some  queer  ways,  but 
they  are  fine  within.  Every  now  and  then  I  put 
on  the  bulletin  board  some  little  poem  about  the 
meaning  of  the  war  and  the  ideals  we  are  fighting 


64  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

for,  or  a  paragraph  from  some  newspaper  about 
America's  quick  response  to  the  call  for  help  to 
defend  these  ideals,  and  you  ought  to  see  their 
heads  go  up  and  their  eyes  brighten.  They  don't 
care  that  they  have  had  bully  beef  twice  in  one 
day  or  that  the  knives  and  forks  are  sticky,  and 
they  have  no  tablecloths  or  butter  dishes.  It 
would  be  so  hopeless  if  one  did  not  get  a  response. 
My  bulletin  board  is  the  side  of  a  packing  box 
put  on  a  standard  just  outside  the  mess  door. 

I  seem  to  write  such  queer  things.  I  was  going 
to  tell  you  about  our  Fourth  of  July  party.  We 
invited  the  other  American  Unit  (from  Cleve- 
land) down  to  a  baseball  game  and  tea.  It  was  a 
great  success,  as  the  day  was  fine  and  we  could 
have  our  refreshments  on  the  grass  under  some 
trees.  Miss  Watkins,  our  dear  dietitian,  and  some 
of  the  others  worked  all  the  afternoon  getting 
sandwiches,  and  strawberries,  and  tea,  and  little 
cakes,  and  lemonade  ready,  which  the  doctors 
paid  for.  It  was  a  great  success.  Then  after  dinner 
we  went  up  to  No.  9  General,  where  the  Cleve- 
landers  hold  forth,  and  had  a  little  dance  in  their 
nurses'  mess  hall.  We  stopped  at  11,  as  we  all 
had  a  half  hour's  walk  home.  It  was  a  wonderful 
night.  Dr.  Allison  and  I  brought  up  the  rear  of 
the  procession  and  discussed  the  affairs  of  the 
universe. 

July  10.  Ruth  and  I  have  been  to  town  this 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  65 

lovely  afternoon  to  do  a  few  errands  and  wander 
around  the  quaint  little  back  streets  and  visit 
the  wonderful  churches.  I  am  having  an  extra 
serge  uniform  made.  It  has  already  been  a  month 
in  the  making,  but  it  will  probably  be  finished 
soon  now.  It  looks  as  if  it  were  going  to  be  very 
satisfactory.  Before  we  came  back  to  our  camp 
we  had  supper  at  a  very  French  place  and  enjoyed 
our  omelette  aux  champignons,  sole  frite,  petits 
pois  au  beurre,  salade  aux  fines  herbes  and  cafe 
and  peches  to  the  very  limit,  although  we  had  to 
pay  the  very  limit  for  it,  and  all  felt  very  extrava- 
gant when  we  saw  the  bill.  Food  is  very  expensive, 
but  the  French  are  not  losing  anything  from  the 
English  and  American  trade.  They  tack  on  all 
sorts  of  prices  to  everything  they  can  get  away 
with.  It  is  very  restful  and  relieving  to  the  mind 
to  get  away  from  the  hospital,  and  I  try  to  do  it  at 
least  once  every  week  for  the  best  part  of  an  after- 
noon. 

We  are  not  working  too  hard  here,  any  of  us, 
but  I  find  that  I  am  pretty  tired  most  of  the  time 
because  I  cannot  escape  from  my  responsibilities  at 
any  time,  even  when  I  am  off  duty,  which  is  not 
much  except  in  the  evenings  because  I  am  right 
in  the  middle  of  things  all  the  time,  and  each  one 
of  the  sixty-four  has  some  question  to  ask  almost 
every  time  they  see  me.  You  see  everything  over 
here  is  different,  tie  details  are  hard  to  learn. 


66  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

or  rather  they  are  hard  to  get  over  to  each  one 
of  the  sixty-four.  I  have  not  been  sleeping  very 
well  for  the  same  reason.  I  hear  every  one  that 
goes  by  my  room  and  I  hear  all  the  women  in  my 
hut  get  to  bed  and  all  they  have  to  say  as  they 
get  ready  for  the  night,  and  I  hear  them  all  get 
up  in  the  morning  etc.  But  I  keep  thinking  that 
I  shall  get  used  to  all  of  this  and  not  be  so  noticing. 
I  am  better  than  I  was  in  London  or  on  the  boat. 
I  have  my  room  fixed  up  so  that  it  looks  quite 
comfortable.  I  probably  shall  spend  most  of  my 
spare  time  down  here  in  the  oflSce  in  the  grand- 
stand, for  down  here  I  am  more  isolated  from  my 
responsibilities.  Just  outside  are  the  doctors* 
tents,  but  when  they  perform  their  ablutions  out 
here  in  front  of  my  door,  it  does  not  disturb  me 
in  the  least,  because  it  is  not  up  to  me  whether 
they  are  as  comfortably  taken  care  of  as  possible. 
Their  quarters  are  even  more  primitive  than  ours. 
Many  of  them  are  two  in  a  tent  in  which  they 
can  hardly  stand  upright,  and  their  toilet  articles 
are  laid  on  a  box  and  their  clothes  they  have  to 
hang  on  the  tent  pole.  We  all  have  a  little  wash- 
stand,  and  an  enamel  basin  and  pitcher  and  pail, 
which  were  furnished  us  since  we  arrived  here. 
With  that  and  a  small  table  and  a  little  shelf 
and  some  hooks  in  the  corner  we  can  be  very 
civilized. 

Hot  water  is  a  very  great  problem,  for  all  our 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  67 

water  for  cooking,  washing  dishes,  and  bathing 
104  women  is  heated  in  two  small  tanks  over  little 
coal  fires,  and  the  supply  is  very  inadequate. 
But  little  by  little  things  get  made  more  practical 
and  sensible.  So  many  things  were  unnecessarily 
uncomfortable.  My  next  domestic  job  is  to  find 
out  how  to  get  dishes  for  one  hundred  people 
washed  when  hot  water  is  entirely  insuflficient, 
so  that  they  are  not  always  sticky  and  smelly. 
I  presume  it  can  be  done,  but  at  present  I  acknowl- 
edge I  am  baffled.  I  am  taking  it  for  granted 
that  you  are  interested  in  these  sordid  details. 
They  really  seem  very  important  over  here,  al- 
though to  you  in  America  they  probably  do  not 
rank  as  highly  as  stopping  hemorrhages  and  writ- 
ing letters  for  dying  soldiers.  They  truly  don't  to 
us  all  the  time.  But  this  is  a  trivial  letter  meant 
for  only  a  few  who  want  to  know  details. 

To-day  our  Major  Fife,  the  TJ.  S.  Army  man 
who  joined  us  in  St.  Louis,  with  two  other  regular 
army  men,  took  over  the  command  of  the  hospital, 
and  Col.  J.  left.  Col.  J.,  the  English  O.  C.  (Officer 
Commanding),  has  been  perfectly  charming,  and 
we  are  all  very  sorry  to  see  him  go.  He  has  been 
transferred  to  a  neighboring  hospital  camp, 
not  very  far  away,  so  we  still  may  see  something 
of  him.  Yesterday  afternoon,  late,  I  had  a  little 
tea  party  here  in  my  office,  which  was  very  de- 
lightful. A  few  days   ago   I   had  met   the  two 


68  FENTDING  THEMSELVES 

Colonels  of  the  Australian  hospital  camp,  which 
is  on  the  other  side  of  the  race  course,  and  as  the 
one  who  is  the  M.  O.  (Medical  Oflficer)  said  he 
wanted  to  meet  Major  Murphy,  I  invited  him 
and  the  other  O.  C.  and  had  Major  Murphy 
and  Col.  J.  and  Miss  Taylor,  and  we  had  a  very 
nice  party,  with  tea,  bread  and  butter,  and  jam. 
Then  afterwards  we  took  the  visiting  Colonels 
down  to  see  some  of  the  American  apparatus 
that  we  are  using  on  some  of  our  cases.  Our 
Surgical  Hut  looks  like  a  carpenter  shop.  We  have 
about  ten  beds  under  a  wooden  canopy  frame, 
to  which  the  poor  shattered  legs  of  our  blown-to- 
pieces  men  are  fastened.  When  a  leg  is  broken  in 
half  a  dozen  places  and  there  are  several  gaping 
infected  wounds  besides,  it  is  something  of  a 
trick  of  carpentry  and  mechanics  to  make  the 
poor  fellows  comfortable,  put  on  extensions  so 
the  legs  won't  contract,  and  yet  make  it  possible 
to  irrigate  the  wounds.  We  have  some  wonder- 
ful arrangements.  It  is  remarkable  the  way 
pulleys  and  ropes  can  be  arranged  so  that  the 
men  can  pull  themselves  up  with  their  hands 
to  let  the  nurses  rub  their  backs  and  change  their 
beds.  So  many  men  come  to  us  with  terrific 
bedsores  to  add  to  the  distress  of  their  shattered 
legs  it  takes  much  ingenuity  to  take  care  of  them. 
We  have  one  man  who  is  practically  slung  in 
hammocks    which    are    attached    with    coimter 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  69 

weights  to  the  frame  over  the  bed.  These  small 
hammocks,  or  slings,  go,  one  under  his  shoulders, 
one  under  his  lower  back,  and  then  his  leg  is  in  a 
frame  with  weights  attached  to  the  foot.  Rubber 
tubes  are  run  in  and  out  of  his  thigh,  and  knee, 
and  his  wounds  are  irrigated  through  these  tubes 
which  are  perforated.  This  method  of  irrigating 
is  the  Carrel  Method.  The  men  in  this  hut  are 
getting  to  feel  they  are  such  an  interesting  show, 
so  many  people  come  to  see  them,  that  they  have 
begun  to  make  fun  by  rattling  a  coin  in  a  tin  box 
and  taking  up  a  collection  when  people  ask  what 
they  are  doing  that  for. 

It's  about  time  I  went  up  to  my  room  now,  as 
it  is  after  nine  and  the  doctors  are  beginning  to  go 
to  their  tents  and  I  must  sit  here  ticking  away  on 
the  machine  with  the  door  open.  Some  nurses 
came  in  to  talk  to  me  so  I  was  disturbed,  even 
when  I  thought  I  had  got  away  from  them.  They 
meant  well  and  only  came  to  inquire  if  I  was  not 
well,  because  they  thought  I  did  not  look  well 
and  were  worried.  Wasn't  that  dear  of  them.  It's 
only  a  lack  of  proper  sleep  that  makes  me  look 
a  bit  queer.  I  am  not  a  bit  sick,  just  a  bit  "groggy. " 
I  really  am  quite  brown,  and  my  hair  is  quite 
curly !  from  all  this  dampness.  It  rains  part  of 
every  day  almost. 

Good -night  for  now.  It  is  always  fun  to  think 
at  night,  maybe  I  will  get  a  letter  to-morrow. 


70  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

You  just  cannot  imagine  how  much  letters  coimt. 
I  never  had  them  count  so  much  before. 
Much  love  to  you  all. 

J. 

Rouen,  France.     July  16,  1917. 

I  am  inclosing  a  copy  of  a  letter  Miss  Taylor 
received  to-day,  in  reply  to  the  letter  she  wrote 
to  Private  Murphy's  mother,  the  day  after  her 
boy  died  here.  He  was  here  of  a  gunshot  wound 
in  the  chest,  one  of  those  treacherous  injuries 
that  seem  to  be  getting  along  all  right  and  then 
knock  a  man  out  with  a  sudden  hemorrhage. 
The  boy  was  not  even  on  the  Seriously  111  or  the 
Dangerously  HI  list,  and  the  worst  part  was  that 
he  died  before  we  could  get  the  priest  to  him.  We 
have  a  Catholic  priest  as  well  as  C.  of  E.  and 
Nonconformist  padres  always  in  attendance.  They 
live  on  the  grounds.  Of  course  a  formal  notice 
of  the  man's  death  was  sent  to  his  mother  through 
the  War  Casualty  Office,  but  Miss  Taylor  wrote 
to  tell  his  mother  the  details,  and  to  explain 
why  the  priest  was  not  with  him  when  he  died. 
Her  reply  is  so  typical  of  the  bravery  of  English 
women  I  want  you  to  see  it. 
"To  Assistant  Matron :  — 

"  I  thank  you  for  so  kindly  answering  my  letter 
for  my  dear  lad  Pte.  W.  Murphy.  I  am  quite 
sure  you  all  concerned  did  what  possibly  could 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  71 

be  done  for  him.  I  thank  you  from  the  very 
bottom  of  my  heart.  I've  felt  it  very  keenly, 
more  than  I  can  ever  say,  but  I  have  the  satis- 
faction of  knowing  he  was  cared  for  by  a  woman 
at  the  last  and  given  a  decent  grave.  Perhaps 
God  took  him  then  because  he  was  then  fit,  he 
was  a  good  boy  at  home  to  us  and  I  know  the 
last  three  years  of  his  life  he  honestly  tried  his 
level  best.  I  think  God  understands  us  each  one 
best.  I  should  like  you  to  thank  the  nurse  per- 
sonally for  me  who  was  with  him  at  the  last, 
and  every  night  you  brave  women  are  remembered 
in  our  prayers.  My  wee  daughter  aged  three 
years  prays,  *God  bless  our  nurses  at  the  front.' 
I  have  not  received  his  treasure  bag  and  am  sorry 
as  my  little  son  aged  15  yrs.,  who  was  passion- 
ately attached  to  our  dear  lad,  hoped  to  have  his 
rosary,  but  perhaps  I  shall  get  it  —  only  you 
asked  me  to  let  you  know  if  I  did  not  receive  it. 
I  must  now  conclude,  thanking  you  once  again, 
believe  me 

"  Yrs.  sincerely 

"  Bell  Brown." 
All  day  yesterday  and  in  the  night  we  heard 
the  booming  of  guns,  and  the  night  nurses  say  the 
windows  in  our  surgical  hut  rattled.  It  was  the 
loudest  I  have  heard  since  we  have  been  here. 
And  every  time  I  hear  them  those  words  of  one 
of  our  patients  come  to  my  mind:   "Some  poor 


72  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

devils  are  getting  theirs."  The  men  recently 
sent  down  from  the  front  tell  us  that  rumor  has 
it  that  there  is  going  to  be  a  big  drive  in  a  few 
days.  We  wonder  if  it  has  begun  and  if  we  shall 
be  getting  more  convoys  in.  Our  hospital  is  not 
half  full  now,  we  have  been  sending  out  so  many 
convoys  over  to  "Blighty."  We  need  to  be  a 
little  busier  for  our  best  good.  The  weather  is 
lovely,  very  cool  at  night,  we  always  sleep  under 
blankets,  warm  in  the  sun.  Almost  every  day 
it  rains  at  least  a  part  of  the  day,  but  the  ground 
here  is  so  sandy  there  is  very  little  mud.  It  is  a 
drizzling  evening,  but  it  is  cozy  and  pleasant  here 
in  my  oflSce.  It  is  getting  on  toward  ten  and  out- 
side in  their  tents  I  can  hear  the  voices  of  some  of 
our  oflficers  talking  together,  and  from  time  to 
time  across  the  road  come  bugle  calls,  and  there 
is  that  faint  bustling  sound  of  large  numbers  of 
people  getting  ready  to  be  quiet  for  the  night. 
We  are  in  the  midst  of  such  thousands  and  thou- 
sands of  people,  mostly  soldiers,  and  all  day  long 
there  are  myriads  of  soldier  sounds,  bugle  calls, 
tramping  of  feet,  motor  cycles,  lorries,  bands 
playing,  men's  voices,  sharp  commands,  the  slap 
of  the  hand  on  the  musket  in  salute,  the  popping 
of  small  bombs  or  guns  all  day  long  from  the 
practice  trenches  near  here.  On  the  fourth  of 
July  we  thought  how  like  a  home  Fourth  it  was, 
but  here  the  popping  and  the  shots  sound  every 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  73 

day.  And  it  is  not  fireworks  that  are  being  shot 
off.  At  neighboring  camps  there  are  experts  in 
bayoneting,  experts  in  gassing,  experts  in  Hate 
Talk.  There  are  actually  special  men  who  some- 
times talk  to  as  many  as  three  thousand  men  to 
make  them  feel  that  their  chief  business  is  to  kill. 
It  is  incomprehensible.  Whenever  will  this  toppling 
world  right  itself.?  It  will  be  a  long  time  before 
we  come  home.  The  more  we  know  the  more 
sure  we  are  that  it  is  going  to  be  a  long  business. 
And  the  man  who  wrote  "The  picture,  That  I 
saw  that  day,  Of  home  folks  bidding  home  good-by. 
For  traitor  seas,  And  'somewhere,'  Out  beyond 
the  seas.  And  after  that.  Just  God,  And  what  He 
wills,"  was  right.  That  is  the  situation. 

July  19.  Such  nice  letters  to-day.  It  is  such  fun 
to  get  the  home  news  and  to  learn  the  details  of 
your  doings.  We  are  not  working  hard  and  we 
find  it  embarrassing  to  have  people  take  it  for 
granted  that  we  are  overdoing  all  the  time  and 
suffering  real  hardships.  We  are  comfortable  and 
well  fed  and  have  interesting  work  and  many 
very  interesting  dispersions. 

There  is  a  lot  of  very  simple  entertainment 
back  and  forth  among  the  camps.  Once  or  twice 
every  week  there  is  a  tea  party  or  a  tennis  party 
with  tea  or  a  concert  with  refreshments  somewhere 
here.  To-morrow  we  are  going  to  return  some  of 
the  many  courtesies  that  have  been  shown  us 


74  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

and  be  **at  home"  to  our  neighbors  here  on  the 
Race  Course :  No.  10  General  Hospital  and  No.  1 
Australian  General.  The  party  will  be  out  of 
doors  and  there  will  be  tennis  and  a  baseball 
game  between  nurses  and  officers.  The  officers 
are  having  baseball  suits  made  for  them  by  the 
nurses.  These  suits  are  to  be  very  gay  skirts, 
so  that  they  will  be  as  much  hampered  as  the 
women.  We  have  started  our  V.  A.  D.'s  on  base- 
ball against  the  American  nurses.  They  take  to 
it  like  small  boys  and  find  it  "ripping."  It  has 
been  the  best  mixing  process  I  ever  invented. 
It  is  a  great  sight  these  lovely  evenings  between 
eight  and  nine  to  see  the  crowd  of  hilarious  nurses 
careering  over  the  grass  between  the  hedge  and 
the  fenced-off  center  of  the  course  where  all  the 
tents  are,  and  hanging  on  the  fence  a  couple  of 
hundred  "blue  boys"  or  convalescent  patients 
in  their  blue  hospital  suits.  Then  the  officers 
come  straggling  out  after  their  dinner,  peacefully 
smoking  their  pipes,  and  they  line  up  and  root 
and  laugh  too  and  coach.  It  does  not  look  much 
like  war.  It  does  everybody  the  best  possible 
good,  for  it  has  them  all  roaring  with  laughter, 
and  sends  them  off  to  bed  in  the  best  of  humor, 
like  a  bunch  of  kids. 

The  English  tea  parties  are  charming,  and  I 
think  myself  in  a  storybook  every  time  I  go  to 
one.  The  imiforms  of  the  English  Sisters  are  so 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  75 

gay  and  bright  with  their  flowing  caps  and  red- 
bordered  little  capes,  and  all  the  men  are  in  uni- 
form, and  the  little  tables  set  out  on  the  grass  are 
imder  large  sunshades,  or  there  are  special  mar- 
quees set  up  for  the  occasion,  and  it's  all  very  gay. 
Last  week  around  at  No.  10  General  after  the  tea 
part,  they  had  games,  tennis  for  some,  hunting 
for  hidden  treasure  in  the  grass  and  hedge  (I 
found  a  souvenir  spoon  in  a  mole  hole),  and  a 
potato  and  spoon  race,  and  also  a  tug  of  war  that 
was  so  fiercely  strenuous  that  it  left  many  of 
us  with  cricks  in  our  necks  ever  since.  The  tug 
of  war  seems  to  be  a  favorite  sport.  Our  white- 
dressed  nurses  with  their  scarlet-lined  blue  capes 
look  mighty  pretty  on  these  occasions.  Of  course 
different  groups  of  niu*ses  and  doctors  get  off  for 
different  parties.  They  are  usually  from  5  to 
7  or  after  8. 

Then  in  the  Y.  M.  C.  A.  huts  there  are  frequent 
forms  of  entertainment,  not  only  for  the  convales- 
cent patients  but  for  the  staff.  A  "concert" 
usually  means  a  kind  of  variety  show.  All  kinds 
of  pretty  good  troupes  are  sent  out  to  go  the 
rounds  of  the  various  hospitals,  and  then,  too, 
each  hospital  has  its  own  band,  which  is  trained 
or  run  by  the  Y.  M.  C.  A.  people.  We  here  have 
some  very  imusual  Y.  M.  C.  A.  people.  A  Prof.  B., 
his  wife,  and  son  are  living  here  and  giving  their 
whole  time  to  this  work.  They  are  from  Cam* 


76  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

bridge,  both  father  and  son.  I  am  told  that  the 
father  is  a  professor  of  theology,  and  the  son  of 
archaeology.  They  are  very  talented  people,  quite 
eccentric  geniuses,  all  of  them,  I  should  judge. 
The  father  leads  the  band,  the  son  plays  the  little 
organ  in  our  chapel,  the  mother  hovers  around, 
and  all  the  time  some  one  of  them  is  in  attendance 
at  the  Y.  M.  C.  A.  hut  to  help  the  boys  play  and 
to  manage  the  many  concerts  and  lectures  that 
take  place  there  all  the  time.  The  first  time  I  met 
Mrs.  B.  was  the  first  night  I  arrived.  The  first 
thing  she  said  to  me  was,  "Good  gracious,  how 
funereal  you  look!"  I  was  in  my  dark  uniform 
and  it  was  after  dark  in  the  evening  and  I  did  look 
like  a  crow,  but  then !  She  was  very  cordial  after- 
ward and  has  been  very  charming  to  us  all.  She 
gave  a  big  tea  for  us  in  the  hut  one  Sunday  after- 
noon and  had  many  officers,  Y.  M.  C.  A.  workers, 
and  nurses  there  to  meet  us.  Everybody  here  is 
devoted  to  the  B.'s  and  they  add  much  to  the 
community  life.  Both  father  and  son  are  tall, 
thin,  stooped,  spectacled  souls.  The  son  is  more 
or  less  of  an  invalid,  it  seems. 

We  have  just  heard  a  piece  of  news  that  delights 
us  very  much  and  that  is  that  Miss  G.  is  to  come 
over  to  be  "Matron-in-chief  for  France"  as  the 
corresponding  official  is  called  for  the  other  nursing 
forces.  I  had  already  written,  as  had  the  Chief 
Nurses  of  some  of  the  other  Units,  asking  Miss 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  77 

N.  to  send  us  some  one  to  advise  us,  and  make 
uniform  regulations  for  us  all  and  standardize 
our  actions  and  customs.  Now,  each  Chief  Nurse 
is  entirely  responsible,  under  her  Commanding 
Officer,  who  leaves  all  the  details  to  her,  for 
every  little  thing.  And  the  consequence  is  that 
there  are  as  many  ideas  about  discipline,  uni- 
forms, hours  of  duty,  social  usages,  etc.  as  there 
are  Chief  Nurses.  Miss  G.  will  be  ideal  for  this 
position.  Dr.  Alexander  Lambert  was  here  last 
evening  and  he  told  us  that  she  was  coming.  It 
may  be  that  she  has  only  been  sent  for,  but  I 
hope  it  means  that  she  is  to  come.  We  have 
received  word  that  five  American  nurses  are  to 
be  added  to  our  force  here  soon.  We  don't  know 
where  they  are  to  come  from  or  anything  about 
them.  It  was  an  official  notice  that  we  had  yes- 
terday that  33  were  to  arrive  at  Havre,  five  of 
whom  are  to  be  sent  to  us.  We  shall  be  glad  to 
see  them  whoever  they  are.  Five  of  our  V.  A.  D/s 
are  to  be  taken  when  the  Americans  come. 

Two  of  my  people  heard  me  say  the  other  day 
that  I  wished  I  had  my  violin  here,  so  yesterday 
they  went  down  to  Rouen  and  bought  me  one. 
I  wish  you  could  hear  the  accounts  of  how  they 
did  it,  for  neither  of  them  has  any  French  or  knows 
anything  about  violins.  But  it  was  a  violin  all 
right  that  they  brought  out  to  me  wrapped  up  in 
a  newspaper,  and  last  night  it  played  perfectly 


78  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

good  tunes  in  the  mess  hall.  One  of  the  V.  A.  D.'s 
plays  the  piano  very  well,  so  we  had  a  fine  time 
trying  out  the  instrument.  To-day  I  have  some 
bad  blisters  on  the  ends  of  the  fingers  of  my  left 
hand,  which  makes  it  almost  impossible  to  write 
on  the  typewriter.  We  have  not  much  music 
here,  but  a  few  popular  dance  airs. 
Loads  of  love. 

Julia. 

July  25,  1917. 
I  do  not  know  how  to  write  about  our  doings 
of  the  past  few  days,  for  I  cannot  write  numbers, 
and  it  is  only  numbers  that  would  give  you  any 
idea  at  all  of  what  we  have  been  doing.  I  wrote 
in  my  last  letter,  I  think  it  was,  that  we  were  not 
working  hard,  well,  we  have  begun  our  hard  work, 
and  for  our  own  sakes  we  are  glad  of  it.  In  the 
past  24  hours  we  have  admitted  more  patients 
than  the  total  capacity  of  the  Barnes  and  Chil- 
dren's Hospital,  not  the  average  number  of 
patients,  but  the  total  capacity.  And  all  these 
patients  have  been  bathed,  fed,  and  had  their 
wounds  dressed.  Some  of  course  were  able  to 
walk  and  could  go  to  the  bath  house  and  the  mess 
tents,  but  most  of  them  to-day  are  stretcher  cases, 
and  oh,  so  dirty,  hungry,  and  miserable.  The 
mere  (I  say  mere,  but  it  is  really  the  most  impor- 
tant part  of  the  whole  thing)  proper  recording  of 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  79 

the  names,  numbers,  ranks,  nearest  relatives 
etc.,  is  in  itself  a  huge  task.  Of  course  the  niu*ses 
don't  have  all  that  to  do,  but  they  have  a  lot  of 
it.  The  boys  who  are  stretcher  bearers  must  be 
so  lame,  they  can  hardly  move,  for  just  consider 
what  it  means  to  lift  down  out  of  ambulances 
as  many  patients  as  that,  and  then  afterwards 
carry  them  as  far  sometimes  as  a  city  block,  for 
we  filled  our  farthest  tents  to-day.  It  is  most 
remarkable  how  things  have  gone.  There  are 
many  aching  backs  to-night,  for  all  the  beds  are 
very  low  and  the  stooping  is  terrific,  but  every 
one  has  been  a  brick.  Many  of  the  nurses  have 
worked  14  straight  hours  to-day,  and  many  of 
the  doctors  had  only  two  or  three  hours'  sleep 
last  night,  and  were  working  all  day.  The  diffi- 
culty to-day  was,  that  we  had  to  put  patients 
into  rows  of  tents  that  have  not  been  used  for 
some  time  and  were  not  equipped,  and  our  warn- 
ing was  not  long  enough  to  prepare.  We  had  the 
beds  ready,  but  little  else.  To-night  things  have 
straightened  out  a  lot,  but  it  is  going  to  be  a 
busy  night  as  we  are  to  send  out  a  convoy,  and 
get  another  in.  Three  additional  night  nurses 
are  on  to-night,  taken  from  the  day  force  that  has 
to  stretch  itself  a  little  thinner. 

Our  nurses  don't  need  any  "Hate  Lecture" 
after  what  we  have  seen  in  the  past  few  days. 
We  have  been  receiving  patients  that  have  been 


80  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

gassed,  and  burned  in  a  most  mysterious  way. 
Their  clothing  is  not  burned  at  all,  but  they  have 
bad  burns  on  their  bodies,  on  parts  that  are  covered 
by  clothing.  The  doctors  think  it  has  been  done 
by  some  chemical  that  gets  its  full  action  on  the 
skin  after  it  is  "moist,  and  when  the  men  sweat, 
it  is  in  these  places  that  are  the  most  moist  that 
the  burns  are  the  worst.  The  Germans  have  been 
using  a  kind  of  oil  in  bombs,  the  men  say  it  is  oil 
of  mustard.  These  bombs  explode  and  the  men's 
eyes,  noses,  and  throats  are  so  irritated  they  do 
not  detect  the  poison  gas  fumes  that  come  from 
the  bombs  that  follow  these  oil  ones,  and  so  they 
either  inhale  it  and  die  like  flies,  or  have  a  delayed 
action  and  are  affected  by  it  terribly  several  hours 
later.  We  have  had  a  lot  of  these  delayed-action 
gassed  men,  who  cough  and  cough  continuously, 
like  children  with  whooping  cough.  We  had  a  very 
bad  case  the  other  night  who  had  not  slept  one 
hour  for  four  nights  or  days,  and  whose  coughing 
paroxysms  came  every  minute  and  a  half  by  the 
clock.  When  finally  the  nurses  got  him  to  sleep, 
after  rigging  up  a  croup  tent  over  him  so  that  he 
could  breathe  steam  from  a  croupkettle  over  a 
little  stove  that  literally  had  to  be  held  in  the 
hands  to  make  it  burn  properly,  they  said  they 
were  ready  to  get  down  on  their  knees  in  gratitude, 
his  anguish  had  been  so  terrible  to  watch.  They 
said  they  could  not  wish  the  Germans  any  greater 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  81 

unhappiness  than  to  have  them  have  to  witness 
the  sufferings  of  a  man  like  that  and  know  that 
they  had  been  the  cause  of  it.  It  is  diabolical 
the  things  they  do,  simply  fiendish,  and  like  the 
things  that  would  be  expected  from  precocious 
degenerates. 

I  cannot  imagine  what  kind  of  change  is  going 
to  take  place  in  our  minds  before  we  get  home. 
There  are  so  many  changes  coming  over  our  ideas 
every  day.  They  are  not  new  ideas,  for  many 
people  have  had  them  before,  since  the  beginning 
of  this  war,  but  they  are  new  to  us.  Human  life 
seems  so  insignificant,  and  individuals  are  so 
unimportant.  No  one  over  here  thinks  in  any 
numbers  less  than  50  or  100,  and  what  can  the 
serious  condition  of  Private  John  Brown  of 
something  or  other.  Something  Street,  Birming- 
ham, matter?  One's  mind  is  torn  between  the 
extremes  of  such  feelings,  for  when  a  nurse  takes 
the  pulse  of  a  wounded  sleeping  man  and  he  wakes 
just  enough  to  say  "Mother,"  she  goes  to  pieces 
in  her  heart,  just  as  though  he  weren't  only  one 
of  the  hundreds  of  wounded  men  in  just  this  one 
hospital. 

This  morning  when  the  big  rush  was  on,  I  was 
in  the  receiving  tent  when  the  last  three  men 
were  unloaded :  One  had  his  head  and  eyes  all 
bandaged  up  and  seemed  in  very  bad  condition, 
so  I  went  with  the  stretcher  bearers  to  see  if  I 


82  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

could  help  get  him  into  bed.  The  eye  specialist 
was  sent  for  at  once,  and  got  there  in  a  few  min- 
utes. We  untied  the  big  triangular  bandage  that 
was  keeping  the  wads  of  cotton  on  his  head  and 
eyes,  and  found  his  eyes  in  a  terrible  condition 
from  being  bandaged  for  over  24  hours  without 
attention.  We  soaked  off  the  dressings  with 
some  boric  solution  that  I  had  procured  from  the 
Operating  Hut.  There  was  not  even  a  single 
basin  in  the  tent  to  which  the  man  had  been 
brought,  not  to  mention  a  nurse  or  medicines. 
After  a  while  we  got  the  eyes  open  a  tiny  bit  so 
that  they  could  be  examined  and  washed  out  a 
little,  and  then  the  doctor  blew  out :  "It's  a  per- 
fect crime  to  send  a  man  down  here  in  this  coiidi- 
tion,  look  at  this  puncture  woimd  of  this  eye, 
and  see  what  a  terrible  condition  his  eyes  are  in. 
A  whole  lifetime  of  blindness  will  probably.be 
the  result."  The  patient  was  delirious  and  quite 
incapable  of  understanding.  Just  then  an  older 
officer  came  along  and  heard  the  remark  and  said : 
"Crime!  my  dear  boy,  you've  got  absolutely 
the  wrong  point  of  view.  How  could  they  keep  a 
man  like  this  up  there  at  the  front,  from  which 
they  have  sent  him?  Don't  you  realize  that  at 
a  place  like  that  every  woimded  man  is  simply  a 
hindrance  and  must  be  gotten  out  of  the  way? 
Just  stop  and  think  how  well  they  are  doing  to 
get  so  many  of  them  to  us  in  any  decent  shape 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  83 

at  all."  Then  the  other  one  said  :  "  Oh,  I  suppose 
so.  War's  the  thing  now,  all  right."  After  he  was 
dressed,  and  things  had  been  straightened  out  a 
bit,  this  patient  was  transferred  to  one  of  the 
lines  that  is  better  equipped  to  take  care  of  such 
serious  cases.  He  was  put  on  the  "Dangerously 
111,"  and  word  was  sent  to  his  mother!  His 
head  injury  is  bad,  so  maybe  he  wont  live  to  be 
blind.  (Later.  He  is  much  better  now  and  will 
get  well  and  probably  have  the  sight  of  one  eye.) 

No  man  leaves  here  in  his  own  clothes.  It 
couldn't  be  done.  All  the  things  have  to  be  sent 
to  be  disinfected  and  then  they  go  to  the  clothes 
tent,  and  then  are  just  drawn,  as  clothes  for  so 
many  men,  when  the  convoys  go  out.  That  is 
unless  they  are  going  to  the  Convalescent  Camp 
or  back  to  a  base,  then  they  are  fitted  as  nearly 
as  possible  and  given  a  full  equipment,  but  the 
men  going  to  England  are  fixed  up  just  so  that 
they  can  travel.  They  are  lucky  if  they  can  stick 
to  their  little  comfort  bags  in  which  are  their 
little  treasures.  Just  so  many  pins  that  must 
have  so  many  moves  is  all  they  are.  And  they  are 
so  good  and  patient.  They  are  so  grateful,  it 
just  makes  everybody  wish  she  were  a  dozen 
people  and  could  do  twelve  times  as  much  as 
she  can  possibly  do  with  her  one  set  of  arms 
and  legs. 

But  what  will  we  think  when  we  get  through 


84  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

with  it  all  ?  How  are  we  going  to  stand  the  mental 
strain  ?  Yet  others  do,  and  go  on  being  normal, 
cheerful  human  beings,  teaching  bayoneting  one 
hour,  and  playing  tennis  the  next,  or  having 
tea  with  pretty  nurses.  Oh,  it's  a  queer  world! 
as  the  orderly  said  who  came  to  tell  me  of  a  few 
more  hundred  wounded  expected  in  soon.  "Isn't 
it  a  cruel  world?" 

July  30,  1917. 
Dearest  Family :  — 

This  is  just  a  letter  to  you,  not  a  general  epistle 
to  the  United  States.  Major  Murphy  has  just 
cabled  to-day  that  we  are  all  well,  and  the  reason 
that  there  has  been  such  a  long  delay  in  your 
getting  our  letters  from  France  is  that  they  were 
held  up  in  London.  We  do  not  know  why.  A  num- 
ber of  friends  have  cabled,  and  that  is  how  we 
know  that  our  letters  have  not  been  received. 
I  spoke  to  the  Major  about  it  this  morning,  as 
so  many  nurses  have  said  they  thought  they  had 
better  cable,  and  he  said  he  would  cable  Miss 
Hudson  at  once,  which  he  proceeded  to  do.  I 
began  this  last  evening,  but  was  interrupted  by 
having  an  orderly  bring  me  a  huge  bunch  of  sweet- 
peas,  mignonette,  etc.  from  a  nice  Colonel  com- 
manding a  neighboring  Infantry  Base  Depot. 
Of  course  I  had  to  stop  and  put  them  in  such  vases 
as  we  have.  I  brought  some  down  to  the  officers' 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  85 

mess,  where  they  were  just  finishing  dinner,  and 
where  I  had  to  stay  and  chat  a  bit. 

This  afternoon  we  have  had  distinguished 
guests !  Mrs.  Christie,  the  Chief  Nurse  of  the 
Presbyterian  Unit  from  N.  Y.  and  three  of  her 
nurses  motored  down  from  E.  to  call  on  me  and 
more  especially  Miss  Allison  of  the  Cleveland 
Unit.  It  was  pleasant  to  see  them  and  to  compare 
notes. 

My,  but  you  all  seem  far  away  in  another  world. 
But  it  is  fun  to  think  about  you.  We  feel  now  as 
though  we  had  been  here  forever.  If  you  have  not 
read  Lord  Northcliffe's  new  book,  "At  the  War" 
do  get  hold  of  it,  for  it  describes  just  what  we  are 
in  the  midst  of,  and  everything  about  us  and  our 
surroundings  etc.,  not  really  us — of  course,  but 
hospital  people  out  here  in  general.  One  of  our 
men  lent  me  his  copy.  We  are  going  to  be  very 
short  of  reading  matter  here  very  soon.  We  had 
a  small  library  from  our  steamer  books,  but  in 
Rouen,  it  seems,  there  are  not  many  English  ^books. 
(I'm  reading  some  French,  of  course.)  We  have 
subscribed  for  a  good  many  magazines,  but  none 
have  come  yet,  nor  papers.  If  you  should  mail 
a  good  novel  once  in  so  often,  I  believe  it  would 
reach  us  easily  and  it  certainly  would  be  appre- 
ciated. Another  thing  we  would  love  to  have  is 
some  music.  Popular  new  dance  music,  or  songs, 
and  a  hymn-book.  We  have  rented  a  piano,  but 


86  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

no  one  brought  any  music.  We  have  some  good 
singers,  and  we  need  some  good  popular  airs.  I 
believe  I  told  you  about  the  12-franc  violin  some 
of  my  girls  bought  me.  You'd  be  surprised  what 
sweet  tunes  it  can  play !  The  three  or  four  old  torn 
pieces  that  were  hanging  around  are  almost  worn 
out  and  I  can  see  that  if  we  enjoy  playing  and 
singing  now,  we  will  much  more  when  the  little 
sitting-room  end  of  our  mess  hall  is  the  only  warm 
place  to  go  to  on  a  rainy,  cold,  winter  night.  So 
there  are  two  things  you  can  do  for  me.  The 
Parcel  Post  is  bringing  things  over  from  the 
States  already,  and  I  guess  that  is  the  best  way 
to  send  things. 

Everybody  over  here  talks  about  the  cold  of 
the  winter,  and  we  shall  have  no  heat  except  in 
occasional  small  oil  stoves,  or  a  coal  stove,  for 
each  hut.  Our  tented  Hospital  is  not  to  be  hutted 
this  year,  as  we  have  been  told.  But  if  the  English 
could  stand  it  last  year,  I  am  sure  we  can.  Mrs. 
Whitelaw  Reid  has  written  to  ask  if  we  want 
sleeping  bags,  and  I  have  replied  "Yes."  We  have 
rubber  boots,  rubber  hats,  and  rubber  coats,  which 
we  shall  have  to  wear  constantly.  Washington  is 
trying  to  work  out  some  suitable  uniform  for  us. 
It  will  take  considerable  imagination  to  design 
a  costume  that  will  be  warm  enough,  short  enough, 
washable,  and  suitable  for  use  in  tents  where  you 
must    dress    very    infected    woimds.  Our    white 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  87 

caps  are  absurd  for  popping  in  and  out  of  low- 
entranced  tents. 

Elsie  asks  how  the  responsibility  of  taking 
care  of  all  my  people  is  burdening  me.  For  a  while 
it  was  a  pretty  big  burden,  but  now  it  does  not 
weigh  nearly  as  much  as  it  did.  I  have  such 
splendid  people  here  with  me.  Just  a  few  have 
been  a  little  troublesome,  but  nothing  to  mention. 
And  the  rest  are  loyal,  affectionate,  and  entirely 
to  be  depended  upon.  The  ten  that  came  from 
Kansas  City  have  been  bricks.  The  two  from 
Hannibal  have  turned  out  to  be  good  nurses  and 
fine  women,  and  the  rest,  almost  all  of  them,  de- 
veloped fine  qualities  that  I  really  did  not  know 
they  had  in  them.  We  have  had  so  little  trouble 
I  cannot  help  wondering  what  it  is,  when  I  hear 
of  difficulties  the  other  Units  are  having.  "Oh 
yes,"  Matron  X.  said,  "I  have  forbidden  my 
nurses  to  go  out  with  officers,  but  they  are  doing 
it."  We  allow  oiu-s  to  go  out  with  doctors,  but 
have  made  the  only  restriction  that  they  go  in 
groups  of  at  least  three.  They  have  been  fine 
about  it  and  go  off  half  a  dozen  at  a  time,  and 
have  splendid  walks,  etc.  "Yes,  I've  forbidden 
mine  to  smoke  or  drink  wine  in  public,  but  they 
do  it  in  private,  and  I  don't  think  it's  any  of  my 
business  to  meddle  with  their  private  lives," 
said  she.  Our  nurses  talked  the  matter  over  at  a 
meeting  after  I  had  presented  the  whole  thing  to 


88  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

them,  and  voted  to  go  on  the  water-wagon  and 
not  to  smoke  while  they  were  over  here,  and 
they  are  doing  it  too  !  I  don't  ask,  or  pry,  but  tell 
them  how  proud  I  am  of  them  when  I  can  tell 
other  people  of  the  stand  my  people  took  by  them- 
selves. Miss  E.  of  the  American  Ambulance,  who 
was  down  here,  was  so  much  impressed  by  the 
attitude  of  my  nurses  on  these  matters,  she  went 
back  to  Paris  and  told  her  nurses  there  about 
it,  and  said  it  made  a  big  impression  on  them. 
It  is  hard  not  to  drink  wine  where  so  much 
wine  abounds,  but  we  are  not  out  in  public 
places  much,  and  one  can  always  get  water  or 
their  horrid  cider.  And  the  point  is,  my  people 
are  proud  of  themselves,  and  are  proud  to  tell 
the  English  officers,  who  offer  wine  at  parties,  that 
we  American  nurses  don't  drink  wine.  The  officers 
say  :  "Aren't  you  allowed  to  ?  j^^our  Matron  won't 
know."  Then  they  answer  with  pride,  "It  isn't 
our  Matron  that  won't  let  us,  we  decided  not  to 
ourselves."  By  that  time  the  officers  quit  fool- 
ing, and  say  "Well,  it's  a  mighty  good  resolution, 
too." 

You  can't  begin  to  guess  how  welcome  your 
letters  are.  Some  seem  to  come  through  so  very 
quickly  now.  One  of  Mother's  dated  July  12 
reached  me  July  28th  and  Elsie's  of  the  13th  came 
just  as  fast.  I  wish  Elsie's  kiddies  could  make 
jigsaw  puzzles  for  our  men.  They  are  just  crazy 


,     FINDING  THEMSELVES  80 

about  them,  and  we  arrange  tables  so  they  can 
get  at  them,  and  they  spend  hours  working  on 
them.  It  is  so  much  easier  for  the  one-armed  ones 
than  reading.  Couldn't  Billy  make  and  send  me 
one,  or  some  knitted  things.  I'd  give  it  myself 
to  one  of  our  boys  and  have  the  boy  write  Billy 
a  letter.  I  wish  I  could  send  you  pictures,  but 
we  can't  send  a  single  thing.  All  the  kodaks  were 
taken,  and  we  each  had  to  sign  a  paper  that  we  had 
none  in  our  possession.  I  wish  I  could  draw, 
there  are  so  many  wonderfully  interesting  and 
picturesque  things  about  here,  and  right  in  our 
camp. 

August  8,  1917. 
We  have  just  finished  our  weekly  inspection 
by  the  "D.  D.  M.  S.,"  which  means  the  Deputy 
Divisional  Medical  Supervisor,  who  is  a  very 
pleasant  Colonel.  Every  Wednesday  at  3.30  we 
all  line  up  at  the  entrance  to  our  camp  and  wait 
to  meet  him  after  he  gets  through  inspecting  No.- 
10  General  Hospital.  By  "we"  I  mean  oiu*  "C. 
O."  Major  Fife,  our  "M.  O."  Major  Murphy, 
our  Liaison  Officer,  a  British  Colonel,  the  Quarter- 
master, and  the  "Matron,"  me.  It  really  is  a  very 
pleasant  occasion.  We  sit  out  there  in  the  sun, 
if  there  is  any,  on  a  park  bench  and  gossip  until 
"we  see  the  D.  D.  M.  S.  aide  appear  from  out  of  the 
last  tent  of  No.  10,  then  we  stand  up  and  walk 


90  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

over  a  bit  to  greet  him.  He  always  shakes  hands 
with  me  first  and  asks  me  how  I  am  getting  along, 
then  salutes  the  others  and  has  a  word  or  two 
with  them,  then  turns  to  me  and  asks  what  I 
want  him  to  see.  I  usually  turn  to  Major  Murphy 
and  ask  him  if  he  has  anything  special  to  show 
the  Colonel,  and  Major  Murphy  says :  "Let's 
show  the  Colonel  line  so  and  so."  I  have  acci- 
dentally mentioned  before  what  lines  I  would  like 
to  have  visited.  It  is  usually  tea  time  when  he 
comes,  and,  unless  we  tell  the  nurses  to  hold  off 
with  the  tea  until  after  the  inspection  is  over,  the 
tents  are  in  a  mussy  state.  So  every  Wednes- 
day I  usually  warn  two  or  three  different  lines 
that  I  may  have  them  inspected.  To-day  as 
a  matter  of  fact  we  went  to  three  different  lines 
that  had  not  been  warned,  as  Major  Murphy 
wanted  to  show  the  Colonel  some  special  cases. 
After  inspection  is  over,  the  officers  take  him  and 
his  aide  to  tea  in  the  Officers'  Mess,  or  I  take  him 
up  to  the  Sisters'  Mess.  While  we  were  making 
rounds  to-day,  it  began  to  pour,  but  one  of  my  nice 
aides  brought  me  an  umbrella  and  Captain  Schwab 
lent  me  his  rain  coat  to  save  my  clean  white  dress. 
When  I  went  down  to  the  point  to  wait  for  his 
Elegance,  the  sun  was  shining  beautifully,  but 
it  was  about  the  second  peep  of  the  sim  we  have 
had  in  over  a  week.  And  now  it  is  pouring.  — 
I  had  to  stop  then  and  put  on  my  rain  hat  and 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  91 

coat  and  go  up  to  the  Sisters'  Quarters  with  a 
Lieutenant  from  the  Royal  Engineers,  who  came 
to  inspect  the  leaks  in  the  roofs  of  the  nurses'  huts. 
He  saw  them  all  right  and  will  have  them  fixed. 

We  are  wondering  so  much  whether  you  are 
getting  our  letters.  Letters  coming  to  us  have 
told  of  a  long  stretch  of  time  without  word  from 
us ;  in  fact  no  letters  had  been  received  from  any 
of  us  since  we  landed  in  France.  Major  Murphy 
cabled  Miss  Hudson  a  week  ago  that  we  were 
quite  all  right,  so  I  hope  none  of  you  are  worrying. 
We  heard  to-day  that  some  postcards  I  sent  on 
June  24th  had  been  received,  so  it  seems  that 
cards  go  through  safely  anyway.  I  hope  that  by 
this  time  you  are  getting  our  letters.  Wasn't 
that  account  of  my  interview  with  the  London 
reporter  absurd  ?  Of  course  I  did  not  say  all  that 
bosh,  but  I  did  say  that  I  could  not  make  any 
comparisons  between  the  American  and  the 
English  hospitals.  That  is  what  she  wanted  me 
to  do.  I  saw  copies  of  that  interview  from  San 
Francisco,  Detroit,  Philadelphia,  and  St.  Louis 
papers,  which  shows  how  far  a  little  bit  of  "swank" 
can  go. 

It  is  ten  days  since  I  have  written  at  all  to  any 
one.  We  have  been  very  busy,  and  have  all  had 
long  hours  of  work  and  I  have  not  felt  much  like 
writing  when  I  have  had  the  time  to  do  so.  The 
pressure  has  now  let  up  a  bit,  but  I  think  it  will 


92  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

be  only  a  temporary  let-up.  Our  hospital  is  very 
full  and  we  have  many  very  bad  cases.  My  nurses 
are  beginning  to  show  the  effect  of  the  emotional 
strain.  Their  nerves  are  a  bit  on  edge,  and  I  find 
that  when  they  lose  for  a  few  days  time-off-duty, 
as  they  all  have  been  doing,  they  are  not  standing 
the  strain  and  loss  as  well  as  they  did  the  last 
time  we  were  so  busy.  I  have  had  about  a  dozen 
of  them  weeping,  so  I  am  hunting  about  for  more 
forms  of  diversion.  The  continuous  rainy,  damp 
weather,  the  accumulating  emotional  strain,  and 
the  real  hard  work  are  having  an  effect  upon  them 
all  that  is  bothering  me.  There  is  a  convalescent 
hospital  for  Sisters  at  E.,  to  which  I  can  send  one 
or  two  at  a  time  for  a  short  rest  as  soon  as  I  can 
spare  them.  But  I  do  not  want  to  have  to  begin 
to  do  that  yet.  So  we  are  having  a  little  dance 
in  our  Mess  to-morrow  night  and  perhaps  I  can 
get  up  some  bridge  parties  or  some  other  games. 
Our  sitting-room  space  is  so  small  we  are  very 
much  handicapped  but  if  it  will  only  clear  up, 
we  could  play  some  outdoor  games.  You  see  my 
real  problems  are  beginning.  I  would  have  given 
a  good  deal  myself  to  have  had  some  one  like 
Mother  to  weep  on,  last  Sunday.  You  can  imagine 
how  I  miss  my  older  women  friends.  Naturally 
I  cannot  do  any  weeping  here,  since  I  have  to  be 
wept  on ;  but  there  are  times  when  it  would  be 
such  a  comfort  to  be  braced  nayself . 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  93 

There  was  nothing  really  wrong  on  Sunday, 
but  that  day  we  had  so  many  sick  men  to  look 
after,  and  things  got  a  bit  complicated  and  several 
nurses  got  hysterical  and  I  felt  things  were  just 
too  much.  Any  one  would  have  thought  so  if 
they  had  seen  our  poor  gassed  men  who  are  so 
terribly  burnt.  One  of  my  most  stolid  nurses 
came  to  me  that  day  and  said  "  I  just  don't  know 
how  I  am  going  to  stand  it,  taking  care  of  so  and 
so."  I  said  "Why  not.?"  and  she  replied,  "When 
he  was  brought  in  to  us  he  was  so  badly  burned 
we  could  hardly  see  any  part  of  him  that  we 
could  touch  except  the  back  of  his  neck;  but 
that  isn't  the  worst  part,  instead  of  cursing  or 
moaning  he  was  singing,  and  I  just  can't  stand 
that."  It  isn't  only  women  that  are  affected  by 
these  things,  the  men  don't  weep  often,  but  they 
come  near  it.  And  they  get  just  as  edgey  and 
worn  to  a  frazzle.  They  lose  more  sleep  than  the 
nurses  do,  for  they  have  to  get  up  in  the  night  all 
the  time,  to  operate,  or  attend  to  patients,  or 
look  after  convoys,  in  or  out. 

I  want  to  tell  you  about  the  most  unique  day 
I  ever  had  in  my  life.  It  was  last  Monday  when  I 
and  five  other  nurses  went  out  for  our  gas  train- 
ing. All  soldiers  receive  gas  training,  as  you  know, 
and  are  fitted  with  gas  helmets,  which  they  take 
with  them  to  the  front.  Recently  all  doctors  and 
nurses  who  go  up  to  the  Casualty  Clearing  Sta- 


94  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

tions    have   been   given  gas  training  too.    Only 
about  ten  nurses  so  far  have  had  this  training. 
We  have  already  sent  one  surgical  team  to  the 
front,  including  one  nurse,  and  I  have  been  quite 
determined  that  I  shall  go  as  soon  as  possible. 
Major  M.  hasn't  been  altogether  willing  that  I 
should,  thinking  that  I  ought  to  stay  here  with 
my  children,  but  I  have  pointed  out  to  him  that 
Miss  T.  and  the  Supervisors  could  take  care  of 
them  perfectly  well,  and  he  has  consented  to  let 
me  go.  I  want  some  real  manual  work  with  the 
patients  and  I  can't  get  it  here,  for  I  have  to  do  so 
much  office  work.  I  have  been  going  down  to 
the  operating  room  as  much  as  I  could  to  help 
a  little  and  get  my  hand  in,  but  I  cannot  get  there 
often.     Major  M.  says  I  can't  go  with  him,  for 
I  must  not  be  gone  while  he  is  away,  so  I  am  to 
wait  and  go  with  Major  C.  Now  about  gas  train- 
ing. There  is  a  regular  school  here  where  thousands 
of  soldiers  are  given  their  training  daily.  It  takes 
the  greater  part  of  the  day.  I  cannot  describe  it. 
You  will  have  to  wait  till  I  get  home.  But  we 
had  our  masks  tested  first  in  a  room  filled  with 
lachrymating  gas ;  we  were  drilled  in  putting  them 
on  any  number  of  times,  for  speed  is  a  very  impor- 
tant element,  so  each  motion  is  counted  and  timed. 
We  were  lectured  for  an  hour,  the  most  interest- 
ing and  barbarous  lecture  I  ever  heard  in  my  life. 
It  is  at  one  and  the  same  time  the  refinement  of 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  95 

science  and  civilization,  and  of  hideous  barbarism. 
We  had  lunch  in  a  dugout  with  the  officers  of  the 
school,  for  the  school  is  in  the  middle  of  a  huge 
plain,  and  then  we  were  taken  into  a  trench  filled 
with  lachrymating  gas  so  that  we  would  know 
what  it  is  like.  This  without  helmets.  Then 
with  three  officers,  one  before,  one  in  the  middle, 
and  one  behind  our  string  of  six  nurses,  and  a 
medical  officer  standing  outside,  we  were  taken 
into  a  closed,  tunnel-like  affair  into  which  chlorine 
gas  was  being  poured  in  clouds  from  special  pipes. 
We  of  course  had  our  masks  on  and  were  all 
carefully  inspected  before  we  went  in.  This  gas 
would  not  hurt  us,  they  say,  but  we  get  the  smell 
and  get  used  to  wearing  the  masks  and  are  ready 
afterwards  to  get  our  certificate. 

August  20,  1917. 
The  last  letter  I  wrote  was  August  8th  and  here 
it  is  the  20th.  The  time  goes  so  very  rapidly  I 
forget  when  I  last  wrote  and  am  surprised  to  find 
that  it  is  over  a  week.  We  have  not  been  so  very 
busy  these  past  two  weeks,  I  mean  not  as  we  were 
before  then.  It  has  not  been  raining  as  much 
these  past  few  days,  to  our  great  relief,  and  we  are 
beginning  to  get  dried  out  a  bit.  When  mattresses 
begin  to  get  moldy  inside  of  huts,  it  has  been  pretty 
damp.  The  spirits  of  my  people  are  improving 
under  the  let-up  of  strain,  but  they  are  showing 


96  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

a  few  physical  signs  of  the  over-fatigue.  We  have 
been  having  a  number  of  infected  fingers  and  other 
little  things  and  have  really  broken  our  good  health 
record.  I  have  one  nurse,  Miss  S.,  away  at  E.  for 
a  ten  days'  change  at  a  lovely  Convalescent  Home 
for  Sisters,  and  another  is  to  go  soon,  —  Miss  M. 
who  had  a  bad  attack  of  bronchitis.  Miss  S.  had 
a  lot  of  little  infections  which  showed  she  was 
below   par.  Then    yesterday    we   had    our    most 
serious  trouble,  for  we  had  to  send  Miss  S.  to 
the  Hospital  for  Sick  Sisters  here  in   Rouen   to 
have   an   operation   due  to   an   old   injury.  The 
British  officials  could  not  have  been  more  courte- 
ous to  us.  They  made  it  possible  for  our  men  to 
perform  the  operation  and  let  one  of  my  nurses 
go  and  stay  with  Miss  S.  The  operation  was  a 
very  long,  serious  one.  Major  M.  and  Major  C. 
operated  and  Miss  S.  assisted  while  I  held  the 
arm.  The  operation  was  performed  in  the  Oper- 
ating Room  of  No.  8  General  Hospital,  which  is 
five  minutes'  ride  from  the  **  Sick  Sisters "  where 
there   is    no    Operating    Room.    She  was  taken 
back  in   an   ambulance  before  she   was   out  of 
ether.  The  "Sick  Sisters"  is  a  lovely  place  on 
the  other  side  of  Rouen,  about  8  miles  from  here. 
We  go   and   come  in  a  little   Ford  Ambulance. 
Major  M.  and  I  have  been  over  to-day,  and  every- 
thing is  getting  along  beautifully.  We  took  our 
second  patient  over  with  us  to-day,  — Miss  P.,  with 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  97 

a  bad  infected  thumb.  We  are  not  supposed  to 
keep  a  sick  sister  in  Quarters  more  than  24  hours. 
We  have  been  very  lucky  up  to  now  in  not  hav- 
ing to  send  any  one  away.  But  this  hospital  is 
ideal.  It  is  taken  care  of  by  British  doctors  and 
Sisters  and  is  in  a  lovely  location,  higher  than  the 
spire  of  Rouen  Cathedral.  It  is  worrying  to  have 
my  children  sick,  but  it  is  good  to  know  what 
excellent  care  they  will  get  when  they  are  sick 
enough  to  be  sent  away  from  us. 

We  have  been  having  some  lovely  walks  these 
past  few  days,  since  the  rains  have  let  up.  There 
are  loads  of  beautiful  places  to  go  to  all  around. 
One  can  take  a  little  excursion  boat  from  Rouen, 
down  the  river  a  bit,  then  get  off  and  walk  back 
here  through  the  woods.  Several  times  I  have 
gone  with  some  good  walker  into  town,  late  in 
the  afternoon,  had  supper  in  a  most  interesting 
little  French  cafe,  and  walked  out  here  afterwards, 
making  a  nice  walk  of  about  7  or  8  miles.  The 
evenings  are  light  and  the  sunsets  wonderful  and 
the  crowds  going  home  across  the  big  bridges 
and  out  in  our  direction  are  most  interesting. 
Ruth  has  walked  one  way  with  me  but  not  the 
two.  She  is  on  day  duty  now,  but  I  do  not  get  a 
chance  to  go  out  with  her  very  much  as  I  cannot 
plan  my  free  times  much  beforehand. 

Yesterday  we  had  two  very  interesting  callers : 
Miss  Draper  and  Miss  Hoyt  from  New  York. 


98  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

They  looked  very  smart  in  neat  gray  and  blue 
uniform  suits  with  A.  R.  C.  on  the  shoulder 
straps.  They  said  they  were  sent  to  make  inquiries 
about  hospital  needs  for  the  American  Red  Cross. 
They  were  very  charming  and  pleasant  and  I 
liked  very  much  talking  with  them.  They  came 
just  as  we  were  starting  to  leave  to  attend  to  our 
operation,  so  we  asked  them  to  come  back  to  sup- 
I>er,  which  they  did.  They  had  driven  down  from 
Paris  in  Major  (Dr.)  Alex.  Lambert's  car,  a  humble 
Ford ,  they  called  it.  It  looked  pretty  beautiful  to  us. 
On  the  13th  I  got  a  telegram  from  Philip 
saying  he  had  landed  at  Liverpool  on  the  11th. 
I  wonder  where  he  is  and  hope  I  shall  be  able 
to  communicate  with  him  soon.  I  had  to  stop 
there  to  take  a  patient's  mother  down  to  see 
him.  The  boy  is  very  badly  hurt  in  several  places, 
two  legs  and  one  arm.  A  nice  Y.  M.  C.  A.  person 
just  turned  her  over  to  me.  It  is  a  wonder- 
ful system  that  brings  a  relative  out  here,  almost 
personally  conducted  the  whole  way.  This  Y.  M. 
C.  A.  person  also  brought  the  brother  of  another 
of  our  patients,  but  he  got  here  too  late  and  I  had 
to  tell  him  that  his  brother  died  last  evening.  He 
can  be  here  for  the  funeral  to-morrow  anyway, 
and  he  can  talk  to  the  nurses  who  looked  after 
the  boy  in  his  last  hours.  The  Y.  M.  C.  A.  lady 
took  him  away  for  the  night,  but  will  bring  him 
back  to-morrow. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  99 

There  is  not  very  much  of  special  interest  to 
chronicle  just  at  present.  I  am  very  well  myself 
and  trust  I  am  going  to  stay  so.  Our  food  is  quite 
good  and  sufficient.  We  all  have  huge  appetites 
from  being  out  of  doors  so  much. 

We  are  longing  for  letters  very  badly.  It  must 
be  about  three  weeks  now  since  I  have  had  a 
line  from  the  States.  I  get  some  letters  every  day, 
but  they  are  mostly  from  England  about  patients 
or  from  people  in  the  locality,  on  business.  There 
goes  the  third  aeroplane  that  has  flown  over  us 
in  the  past  half  hour.  They  are  such  pretty  things. 
I  should  like  to  have  a  ride  in  one. 

With  loads  of  love  to  you  all.  This  is  a  stupid 
letter,  I  know,  but  they  can't  all  be  thrilling,  for 
naturally  there  have  to  be  many  unthrilling  days. 

Julia. 

August  28,  1917. 

For  almost  24  hours  we  have  been  having  one 
of  the  severest  wind  storms  I  have  ever  seen. 
It  has  been  beautiful.  It  has  been  pouring  for 
two  days,  then  last  evening  it  began  to  blow,  and 
such  a  whistling  and  shrieking  and  rattling  as 
there  was.  Up  in  our  grove  our  little  huts  were 
pretty  well  protected,  but  the  trees  lashed  them- 
selves with  fury,  and  branches  broke,  and  doors 
and  windows  slammed  and  smashed.  Several 
small  tents   were  blown   down,   but   no  serious 


100  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

damage  was  done.  All  day  it  has  been  blowing 
great  guns  and  it  has  been  gray  and  cold,  like  a 
late  Fall  day.  I  have  been  in  the  office  all  day 
doing  accounts  and  other  tiresome  things,  with 
one  or  two  trips  to  the  lines  for  various  purposes. 
Miss  Taylor  had  been  off  all  the  afternoon.  I 
had  tea  in  the  Officers'  Mess,  which  made  a 
diversion  of  a  few  minutes.  One  of  my  Colonel 
friends  sent  over  some  sweet  peas  and  dahlias, 
and  I  took  some  down  for  the  officers'  tables, 
and  got  invited  to  tea,  so  stayed  a  few  minutes. 
Their  mess  is  a  bare,  barracky  kind  of  room  under 
the  grand  stand. 

Yesterday  I  had  a  little  different  kind  of  day. 
All  the  morning  I  was  in  and  out  of  the  office, 
down  on  the  lines,  and  all  over  in  the  pour.  Then 
at  12 :  30  the  Major  and  I  went  over  in  the  am- 
bulance to  the  Sick  Sisters'  Hospital  to  see  our 
invalids  and  take  out  the  final  stitches.  Our 
lady  with  the  serious  operation  has  been  doing 
wonderfully  well  from  the  very  beginning.  She 
has  been  up  and  about  for  several  days,  though 
she  was  operated  upon  ojily  nine  days  ago.  She 
will  be  back  on  duty  before  very  long,  if  every- 
thing continues  as  it  has  been  going.  We  shall 
probably  send  her  to  the  Sisters'  Convalescent 
Home  for  ten  days  after  she  is  well  enough  to  go. 
It  is  such  a  blessing  to  have  such  splendid  places 
to  have  our  sick  niu'ses  taken  care  of.  I  have  one 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  101 

nurse  now,  at  E.,  recovering  from  bronchitis,  and 
just  this  operation  case,  and  the  nurse  with  the 
badly  infected  finger,  so  I  feel  we  are  doing  mighty 
well.  Well,  after  our  visit  to  the  hospital,  we  rode 
back  to  town  in  the  pour,  and  had  lunch  at 
Rouen's  best  hotel,  the  Hotel  de  la  Poste.  It  is 
a  regulation  Continental  hotel,  full  of  st^fc  officei-s, 
and  has  excellent  food.  We  in  uniform  were  the 
only  Americans  there,  but  we  saw  a  >lumb<ir  of  ^ 
our  English  friends.  Afterwards  we  separated  to 
do  various  errands.  I  had  a  long  seance  at  the 
Base  Cashier's,  where  I  received  18,000  francs 
from,  the  British  Government  for  my  nurse  mess, 
laimdry,  a,nd  field  allowance  for  July,  and  had  to 
sign  my  name  138  times.  Then  I  went  to  the 
bank  and  deposited  the  money  and  straightened 
out  some  difficulties  there.  That  bank  is  so  stupid, 
and  makes  so  many  mistakes ;  one  has  to  watch 
them  very  carefully.  Then  I  paid  a  rations  bill  of 
£91,  was  picked  up  by  the  ambulance,  went  to 
buy  a  sewing  machine  for  the  nurses,  and  drove 
back  to  the  hospital. 

It  poured  all  the  time,  but  I  enjoyed  being  out 
in  the  rain,  for  I  was  properly  dressed.  I  had  on 
my  heavy  army  boots,  leather  gaiters,  blue  serge 
uniform  under  my  nice  belted  tan  raincoat,  and 
my  blue  uniform  hat.  My  feet  were  not  exactly 
dainty  and  ladylike,  but  they  were  so  comfortable 
and  dry.  All  of  us  who  have  large  enough  feet  are 


10^  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

getting  our  shoes  from  the  quartermaster,  and 
those  with  small  feet  are  bewailing  their  fate. 
Our  paths  are  all  mud  and  sharp  stones,  and  the 
ordinary  sole  of  a  woman's  regular  shoe  lasts 
about  two  weeks,  and  even  when  new  does  not 
prevent  the  stones  from  hurting  one's  feet.  The 
shoe  qiitstion  is  going  to  be  a  problem  this  winter. 
I  started  th^  4ashion  of  wearing  these  very  heavy 
; Gritty ;;shp^esi  tben  many  clamored  for  them;  since 
I  wore  leather  gaiters  yesterday.  Major  Murphy 
says  he  thinks  I  had  better  have  all  the  nurses 
get  them. 

Sept.  2y  1917  —  Sunday  :  We  all  have  rubber 
boots.  Some  had  bought  them  for  themselves  and 
some  were  sent  by  Mrs.  Whitelaw  Reid.  She  is 
being  a  regular  fairy  godmother  to  us.  She  has 
sent  me,  as  a  personal  present  from  her,  the  most 
wonderful  Jaeger  sleeping  bag.  It's  a  perfect 
beauty,  and  so  soft  and  warm.  She  is  sending 
sleeping  bags  for  all  the  nurses,  but  I  imagine 
not  fancy  ones  like  mine.  She  sent  us  sheets  and 
pillowcases,  which  we  were  so  glad  to  have,  as  we 
had  been  using  stained  old  things  that  had  been 
issued  to  us  from  the  hospital  supplies.  She  also 
has  sent  extra  hot-water  bottles,  instrument  kits, 
rubber  aprons,  rubber  coats,  and  hats,  and  she 
has  just  written  that  she  is  going  to  attend  to 
getting  gray  uniforms  for  us.  She  is  Chairman  of 
the  London  Chapter  of  the  American  Red  Cross, 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  103 

and  is  apparently  much  interested  in  the  Amer- 
ican nurses  that  are  with  the  British  forces. 
She  has  just  written  that  she  will  send  us  woolen 
spencer  waists  to  wear  under  our  uniforms,  if  I 
want  them.  I  think  I  shall  let  her  send  them. 
She  has  also  written  that  she  would  like  me  to 
run  over  to  London  to  talk  things  over  with  her. 
I  should  like  to  go,  but  I  am  afraid  I  cannot,  as 
Dr.  Murphy  is  just  about  to  go  up  to  the  front 
with  a  surgical  team. 

I  made  my  final  trip  over  to  the  Hospital  for 
Sick  Sisters  yesterday  to  see  Miss  S.  before  she  goes 
to  the  Convalescent  Home  at  E.  She  has  en- 
tirely recovered,  and  has  made  a  most  remarkable 
record  for  herself  and  our  surgeons.  We  shall  have 
her  back  on  duty  in  a  very  few  days,  probably 
about  ten. 

Sept.  3d  :  This  letter  has  been  written  at  several 
different  sittings,  and  the  result  is  going  to  be 
pretty  poor.  Now  that  I  have  not  such  interest- 
ing descriptions  to  give  you  or  accounts  of  ad- 
ventures, I  am  almost  ashamed  to  send  on  these 
dull  commonplace  letters.  It  is  a  glorious,  cool, 
sunny  day  to-day,  and  the  hospital  is  not  very 
heavy.  I  have  been  off  duty  a  while,  sitting  under 
the  trees  up  in  our  compound,  reading  an  Atlantic 
Monthly  story  aloud  to  Ruth  as  she  lay  on  a 
blanket  on  the  ground.  Her  mother  has  just  sent 
her  some  Centurys  and  the  August  Atlantic,     We 


104  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

are  getting  the  Scribner,  and  Dr.  Clopton  brought 
me  his  August  Harper's  Monthly,  so  we  feel  very 
rich.  But  for  69  American  nurses  these  few  copies 
won't  go  very  far.  In  a  little  while  the  band  from 
a  neighboring  base  depot  is  coming  to  play  for 
our  patients.  I  have  been  trying  to  manage  this 
for  some  time,  and  at  last  the  day  has  come. 
And  to-night  there  is  to  be  another  little  dance 
in  our  mess.  All  our  tables  have  to  be  taken  out, 
but  we  keep  our  guests  after  the  ball  is  over,  and 
make  them  bring  the  tables  back  and  help  set 
them  for  breakfast.  To-night  our  oflBcers  are  giv- 
ing the  party,  and  we  are  the  guests,  but  in  our 
mess,  as  that  is  the  only  possible  place  for  danc- 
ing. We  have  had  word  from  Washington  that 
30  more  nurses  are  coming  to  us.  We  shall  then 
lose  our  V.  A.  D.'s,  for  which  I  shall  be  sorry,  for 
though  they  are  more  or  less  of  a  problem,  the 
advantage  of  having  an  interesting  group  like 
them  in  such  close  contact  outweighs  any  diffi- 
culties I  may  have  with  them. 

We  are  all  wonderfully  well,  and  everything  is 
well  with  us.  In  spite  of  all  that  I  say  about 
bands  and  dances  and  the  sun  shining,  there  is 
always  the  other  side.  Almost  every  day  we  have 
a  death,  if  not  more  than  one.  Night  before  last 
a  poor  boy  died  of  tetanus,  and  just  a  few  days 
ago  we  had  the  sad  experience  of  helping  a  poor 
mother  watch  her  son  die,  oh  so  hard.  We  had 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  105 

sent  for  her  from  England,  and  she  was  so  glad 
to  be  here.  She  came  every  day  from  the 
Y.  M.  C.  A.  hostel,  and  sat  by  his  side.  He  knew 
her  when  she  first  came.  He  had  such  terrible 
wounds,  and  he  could  not  stand  the  awful  infec- 
tion of  them  all.  She  was  here  with  him  all  that 
last  night,  and  when  he  stopped  breathing  about 
three  o'clock.  Miss  Claiborne,  the  Surgical  Night 
Supervisor,  took  her  away  to  the  night  nurses' 
hut,  a  tiny  place  where  they  have  their  suppers 
at  midnight.  She  made  her  some  coffee  and 
wrapped  her  in  blankets  and  fixed  her  comfortably 
in  chairs.  The  poor  soul  did  not  weep  a  tear. 
She  slept  till  morning,  then  went  back  to  her 
hostel,  and  slept  all  day,  the  Y.  M.  C.  A.  worker 
told  us.  The  next  day  she  came  to  get  his  little 
belongings.  I  took  her  down  to  the  mortuary, 
and  it  was  not  until  she  saw  the  flowers  Miss 
Watkins  had  put  down  there  on  him  that  she 
went  to  pieces.  She  went  to  the  funeral  that 
afternoon,  then  left,  so  full  of  gratitude  to  us, 
as  though  we  had  done  anything. 

Sept.  3. 
Dearest  Family :  — 

Such  a  wonderful  lot  of  letters  as  I've  had  re- 
cently. I  am  sending  Mother's  letter  on  to  Phil. 
I  have  had  two  notes  from  him.  He  is  so  lucky 
in  having  the  splendid  chance  he  has,  so  near  the 


106  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

front.  Our  men  envy  him.  I  will  try  to  keep 
close  track  of  him,  and  write  him  often,  so  he 
won't  feel  so  far  away ;  and  if  he  should  get  sick 
or  hurt,  he  is  to  have  my  address  on  him  all  the 
time,  and  I  could  get  to  him  at  once.  I  am  sure  I 
have  sufficient  pull  with  officials,  and  I  should 
work  it  hard.  He  is,  of  course,  in  much  more 
danger  than  we  are  here.  You  must  realize  that. 
But  there  are  not  so  many  dressing  stations  and 
field  ambulances  shelled  or  bombed.  And  he  will 
be  all  right.  He  is  lucky  to  be  there,  and  I  wish 
I  were  too.  I  suppose  he  will  write  you  that  there 
is  no  danger,  but  I  want  you  to  know  the  truth. 
A  Clearing  Station  was  bombed  the  other  day,  and 
people  killed  and  an  American  nurse  injured,  and 
he  is  nearer  the  front  than  that  Clearing  Station, 
we  understand.  I'll  let  you  know  everything  I 
know,  so  don't  worry;  and  if  he  gets  hurt,  I'll 
look  after  him  all  I  can. 

Loads  and  loads  of  love  to  you  all.  You  must 
not  think  I  am  doing  anything  but  exactly 
what  I  wanted  most  to  do,  and  there  is  no 
heroism  in  that.  I  am  very  happy  at  being  so 
much  better. 

3d  Canadian  b.  b.  s. 
4th  Sept.,  1917. 
Dear  Miss  Stimson :  — 

This  note  is  on  behalf  of  your  brother,  who  was 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  107 

admitted  to-day  into  this  hospital,  slightly 
wounded  in  the  muscles  of  the  back  by  shrapnel. 
There  is  no  cause  for  alarm.  He  will  be  sent 
on  to  the  Base  after  a  short  treatment  here,  and 
will  let  you  know  from  there  how  he  is  getting 
along. 

Yours  sincerely, 

T.  M. 
Chaplain. 


B.  E.  F. 

4-9  17 
Dear  Miss  Stimson :  — 

I  very  much  regret  to  have  to  inform  you  that 
your  brother  was  wounded  this  morning,  he  was 
hit  in  the  back,  and  I  don't  think  it  is  serious; 
the  piece  of  shell  entered  his  back  just  below  the 
right  scapula  in  a  slanting  direction.  I  sent  him 
on  immediately  to  C.  C.  S.,  and  I  am  advising 
him  to  try  to  get  down  to  your  hospital.  The 
Boche  began  shelling  our  Dressing  Station  and  we 
thought  they  had  finished  and  went  back  to  our 
tents,  when  he  sent  a  parting  shot  —  so  to  speak, 
which  nearly  got  the  lot  of  us.  I  think  he  will  be 
able  to  write  to  you  himself  to-morrow,  so  there 
is  no  need  to  worry.  He  has  proved  himself  a 
very  good  officer  whilst  with  me,  and  I  am  very 
sorry  to  have  to  lose  him,  as  we  very  rarely  get 


108  FINDiNG  THEMSELVES 

them  back,  once  they  go  to  the  Base.  I  greatly 
regret  that  this  has  happened. 
Believe  me. 

Very  sincerely  yours, 

G.  H.L.  H., 
Lieut.  Col. 

Sept.  8,  1917. 
Dearest  Mother :  — 

By  the  time  this  reaches  you  you  will  have  re- 
ceived my  cable  about  Phil.  I  will  repeat  what  I 
said  just  in  case  it  may  not  have  arrived  safely. 
I  sent  it  this  noon.  "Phil  slight  shrapnel  wound 
right  shoulder.  To  be  brought  here.  Don't  worry. 
Will  cable  often."  The  news  came  in  the  mail 
that  came  in  this  morning.  The  two  inclosed 
notes  were  in  the  bunch  of  letters  that  I  received. 
I  read  the  Chaplain's  first  and  afterwards  found 
the  one  from  the  Colonel.  I  shall  write  to  thank 
both  these  people  who  were  so  kind  as  to  write 
me.  I  have  been  able  to  get  a  little  more  informa- 
tion about  Phil  from  Major  C.  of  the  Cleveland 
Unit.  Last  evening  Major  C.  telephoned  me 
but  I  was  undressed  and  could  not  go  to  the 
telephone.  Miss  Taylor  took  the  message  and 
said  that  Major  C.  just  wanted  to  know  if  I 
knew  where  my  brother  was.  She  has  told  him 
that  I  did  not  know  exactly,  but  that  he  was  at 
some  Field  dressing  station  with  a  B.  E.  F.  unit. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  109 

That  was  all.  This  morning,  wondering  why  Major 
C.  was  asking  about  Phil,  I  called  him  up  and 
had  just  the  same  conversation  with  the  Major. 
He  said  he  had  himself  just  come  down  from  the 
front  and  that  there  were  a  number  of  Americans 
up  there  and  wasn't  it  pleasant  for  me  to  have 
my  brother  over  here?  I  still  wondered  why  this 
conversation,  until  the  mail  came.  Then  I  called 
up  Major  C.  again  and  asked  him  if  he  knew 
that  Phil  was  .  wounded,  and  he  said  Yes  ;  he  had 
seen  him  but  had  not  wanted  to  tell  me  until  I 
had  been  notified  some  other  way.  He  said  that 
Phil  had  been  stationed  not  very  far  from  where 
he  was,  and  when  he  heard  that  he  was  hurt,  he 
had  gone  over  to  see  him.  This  was  the  morning 
after  the  accident.  He  said  he  saw  Phil  soon  after 
the  operation.  I  said  operation  ?  and  he  said,  "  Yes, 
the  usual  operation  removing  the  shrapnel  pieces 
and  opening  up  for  drainage.*'  He  said  Phil  had 
been  in  a  good  deal  of  pain  at  the  time  but  was 
sitting  up  in  bed.  He  could  not  write  himself  as 
it  was  his  right  shoulder.  He  said,  "I  talked  over 
with  him  about  where  he  wanted  to  go  and  he 
said  he  wanted  to  be  brought  to  No.  12  General." 
I  broke  in,  "Will  they  allow  that  since  this  is  not 
an  oflScers'  hospital?"  He  said,  "Oh  yes,  if  that 
is  what  the  officer  wants.  They  have  the  oppor- 
tunity to  choose  where  they  want  to  be  sent,  and 
Phil  had  chosen  here."  "Of  course,"  Major  C. 


110  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

said,  "this  may  not  be  final  that  he  is  to  come  to 
you,  but  I  personally  saw  all  the  authorities  I 
could  and  I  think  he  will  be  brought  to  you  very 
soon."  Then  he  went  on  to  say,  "You  may  take 
it  from  me  you  need  not  worry  about  your  brother's 
condition,  for  it  is  not  a  serious  wound.  It  probably 
will  take  a  long  time  to  heal  as  it  is  a  deep  muscle 
wound,  but  there  is  no  occasion  for  anxiety."  I 
thanked  him  profusely  for  his  kindness  and  hung 
up. 

Then  I  went  to  Col.  Fife,  who  was  terribly  nice 
and  said  he  would  make  inquiries  at  once  about 
having  Phil  brought  here.  He  told  me  afterwards 
that  he  communicated  with  the  D.  D.  M.  S. 
(Deputy  Divisional  Medical  Supervisor),  who  is 
responsible  for  all  the  hospitals  in  this  area,  and 
now  all  I  can  do  is  to  wait.  It  must  be  that  the 
boy  will  be  brought  down  on  the  next  convoy. 
He  was  hurt  the  4th  and  this  is  the  8th,  so  I  may 
expect  him  any  time.  But  of  course  he  has  to  be 
sent  on  a  regular  ambulance  train.  Col.  Fife 
and  I  talked  the  matter  over  and  I  told  him  I 
knew  Phil  would  rather  be  put  in  one  of  our 
hospital  tents  and  be  taken  care  of  here  among 
his  friends  than  be  sent  to  any  fancy  oflScers' 
hospital.  Major  Murphy  left  this  morning  with 
our  second  Surgical  team  to  go  to  the  front,  as 
luck  would  have  it,  but  Major  Clopton  will  give 
him  every  possible  care  when  the  boy  gets  here. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  111 

There  is  much  interest  and  solicitude  here  in 
the  camp  about  Phil,  for  his  is  the  first  real  casualty 
that  has  happened  to  a  relative  or  friend  of  any 
of  us.  When  Phil  gets  here,  if  he  does  not  feel  too 
badly,  he  will  be  just  spoiled  to  death.  Major 
Clopton  says  that  there  are  excellent  doctors  up 
at  the  3d  Canadian  C.  C.  S.  where  he  was  taken. 
And  Dr.  Schwab  spoke  up  and  said  that  they  have 
a  good  neurologist  there  too,  and  it's  sure  to  be 
a  good  hospital  if  there's  a  good  neurologist  there. 
The  other  men  laughed  and  said,  "  That  is  why  this 
is  such  a  good  hospital,  isn't  it  ?  "  (Dr.  Schwab  is 
our  neurologist  and  is  a  splendid  one  too.) 

I  have  just  been  notified  that  a  convoy  is  to  be 
prepared  for  at  1  a.m.  and  I  shall  be  on  hand  to 
meet  it  on  the  chance  that  Phil  may  come  in  it. 
I  shall  leave  this  letter  open  imtil  after  the  convoy 
is  in. 

I  cabled  because  I  wais  so  afraid  the  English 
authorities  might  send  a  message  to  you,  and 
any  way  I  was  sure  you  had  rather  know  the  exact 
facts  always  just  as  soon  as  possible.  I  shall  be  so 
relieved  when  the  boy  gets  here  and  I  can  look 
after  him.  For  when  he  is  once  here,  he  will  get 
as  good  care  as  he  could  get  in  any  place  in  the 
world.  I'm  so  glad  I'm  a  nurse  and  am  here. 
Isn't  it  wonderful  for  me  to  be  here  ? 

P.S.  Phil  did  not  come  on  the  convoy  last  night. 
I  saw  Major  C,  who  said  that  Phil  was  to  re- 


112  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

ceive  every  care,  because  he  had  spoken  to  the 
officers  in  charge  of  him  and  had  identified  him 
and  told  them  who  he  was. 

Sept.  10,  1917. 

Monday. 
Dearest  Mother :  — 

Another  day  has  gone  and  I  have  not  made 
much  progress  about  getting  Philip  here.  After 
much  telephoning  and  pulling  wires  we  have  found 
out  that  Phil  has  been  sent  to  No.  20  General 
Hospital  at  E.  and  is  likely  to  be  transferred 
to  England.  I  am  going  to  raise  the  roof  to-day  — 
to  see  if  I  can't  go  there  to  see  the  D.  D.  M.  S.  of 
that  area  and  see  why  the  boy  can't  be  brought 
here.  I  am  going  to  do  everything  possible  before 
I  give  up,  and  anyway  I  shall  see  him,  for  if  he 
gets  sent  to  England,  I  shall  go  over.  I  was  going 
anyway  next  week,  as  Mrs.  Whitelaw  Reid  had 
written  for  me  to  come  over  about  uniforms,  etc. 
and  Major  Murphy  and  Col.  Fife  had  said  they 
thought  I  ought  to  go,  so  I'll  go  anyway  if  Phil 
gets  sent  over  there,  but  probably  not  if  I  can 
get  him  here.  All  reports  are  that  his  condition  is 
good. 

It  just  occurred  to  me  that  you  may  not  have 
received  my  letter  of  the  8th  —  telling  all  I  know 
about  his  injury.  The  inclosed  notes  were  my 
original  information.  I  will  cable  just  as  soon  as 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  113 

I  know  anything  more  definite.  You  poor  old 
dears  —  you'll  be  so  shocked  by  my  cable  just 
as  I  was  by  these  notes  Saturday.  I  felt  sick  at 
my  stomach  all  day  after  getting  them.  But  don't 
you  worry,  Phil  is  strong  and  he  will  get  well  fast. 

Lovingly, 

Julia. 

Sept.  19,  1917. 

You  cannot  imagine  how  much  my  mind  is  at 
rest,  for  I  have  Phil  here  with  me  and  everything 
is  all  right.  After  waiting  and  waiting  for  some 
word  as  to  the  chances  of  bringing  him  down  from 
C,  on  Saturday  last,  the  15th,  I  called  the  Aide 
of  the  D.  D.  M.  S.,  and  asked  him  to  see  what 
he  could  do  for  me.  On  Sunday  he  telephoned 
that  he  had  learned  that  Phil  was  not  able  to 
travel,  but  that  I  could  have  an  ambulance  and  go 
up  Monday  morning,  the  17th,  and  see  the  boy.  It 
was  necessary  to  send  an  ambulance  up  to  N.  to 
bring  a  Chinaman  up  to  the  British  hospital  for 
Chinese  that  is  there.  I  was  told  I  could  take  an 
officer  with  me  if  I  wanted  to  and  if  we  found 
Phil  well  enough  to  travel,  we  could  bring  him 
down.  So  I  asked  Capt.  Veeder  to  go  with  me, 
and  Col.  Fife  gave  us  both  two  days'  leave  of 
absence.  It  is  about  130  miles  to  C.  We  left  at 
10  A.M.,  and  I  took  with  me  all  the  things  that 
we  might  possibly  need  if  we  were  to  bring  Philip 


114  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

back,  extra  pillows,  a  feeding  cup,  thermos,  hypo- 
dermic set,  etc.,  etc. 

We  had  a  beautiful  trip  up.  The  country  for 
two  thirds  of  the  way  is  most  lovely  and  the  day 
was  beautiful.  Both  Capt.  Veeder  and  I  sat  on 
the  front  seat  with  the  driver.  The  car  was  a 
great  big  regular  ambulance  that  can  be  used  to 
carry  four  stretcher  cases.  The  shelves  for  the 
two  upper  cases  can  be  hooked  up.  We  made  very 
good  ti.ne.  Had  dinner  at  a  little  hotel  in  E., 
stopped  twenty  minutes  to  say  hello  to  our  friends 
of  the  Philadelphia  Unit,  had  our  tea  en  route  from 
the  lunch  box  we  brought  from  here,  dropped  our 
Chinaman  at  N.,  and  dashed  on  along  the  coast 
and  reached  C.  about  6 :  30. 

We  went  to  the  Chicago  Unit's  hospital  and 
were  taken  in  most  cordially  by  Miss  Urch,  the 
chief  nurse,  and  Capt.  Veeder  by  Col.  Collins,  the 
Commanding  Officer.  They  told  us  that  20  Gen- 
eral was  just  next  door,  and  that  Phil  was  getting 
along  finely.  Col.  Collins  had  seen  him.  He  said 
he  thought  we  could  take  him  back  with  us  and 
that  we  would  go  down  to  see  him  right  after 
dinner.  Meanwhile  he  would  send  word  that  I  was 
coming. 

After  dinner  he  escorted  us  through  the  pitch- 
black  darkness  to  the  hospital.  On  account  of 
recent  air  raids  they  have  no  outside  light  at  night 
and  no  unshaded  inside.  The  result  is  very  spooky. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  115 

Ten  days  or  so  ago  the  Boche  had  flown  over  and 
dropped  some  bombs  on  those  hospitals,  killing  a 
doctor  from  Boston,  attached  to  the  Peter  Bent 
Brigham  Unit  which  is  at  C.  also,  and  right  next 
door  to  the  Chicago  Unit  and  their  officers'  hos- 
pital where  Phil  was.  Several  other  people  had 
been  hurt,  some  doctors  and  enlisted  men.  I  saw 
a  crater  made  by  one  of  the  shells.  Phil  was  sitting 
propped  up  in  bed  and  he  seemed  mighty  glad  to 
see  me.  He  had  no  temperature  and  the  M.  O. 
said  I  could  take  him  the  next  day :  so  we  told 
them  to  have  him  ready  at  10  a.m.,  and  left. 
He  did  not  look  very  badly,  and,  although  his 
back  is  very  painful  when  he  moves  and  he  finds 
it  difficult  to  stay  in  one  position  very  long,  we 
could  tell  that  the  trip  down  would  really  not  do 
him  any  greater  harm  than  to  tire  him  very  much. 
There  was  no  danger  of  hemorrhage. 

Then  we  went  back  to  No.  12  Unit  and  were 
each  of  us  given  the  greatest  hospitality.  I  had 
my  first  tub  bath  since  I  left  London,  though  I 
took  it  by  the  light  of  my  electric  torch.  The 
quarters  up  there  are  better  than  ours,  but  our 
location  is  much  better  than  any  of  the  others 
that  we  saw.  We  came  back  even  more  satisfied 
with  our  station  than  we  were  when  we  left. 
We  got  a  good  start  in  the  morning,  having  the 
personal  attention  of  Col.  Patterson  of  the  Boston 
Unit  and  Col.  Collins  of  the  Chicago  Unit  and  the 


116  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

M.  O.  of  the  20  General  and  several  other  people. 
The  pillows  that  we  fitted  around  Phil's  back 
made  it  quite  bearable  for  him,  and  frequent 
turnings  and  readjustments  and  feedings  and 
pleasant  converse  made  the  hours  go  pretty 
rapidly.  Capt.  Veeder  spelled  me  on  sitting  inside 
on  the  little  hard  seat  between  the  two  stretcher 
places.  It  was  fearfully  dusty,  but  I  had  plenty 
of  nice  cloths  and  could  keep  the  boy  fairly 
comfortable.  We  stopped  for  lunch  coming  back 
at  E.  Capt.  Veeder  and  I  went  inside  to  see 
about  ordering  and  to  let  Phil  rest  quietly  a  few 
minutes  while  we  had  our  lunch.  We  were  near 
the  window  of  the  dining-room,  when  suddenly  I 
saw  the  wife  of  the  inn-keeper  climbing  into  the 
ambulance  with  a  large  loaf  of  bread  in  one  hand 
and  a  plate  of  something  in  the  other.  I  rushed 
out  to  stop  her  and  pulled  her  out  looking  quite 
horrified  and  saying  "beaucoup  malade."  Phil 
had  wakened  up  from  a  little  nap  and  was  con- 
vulsed to  see  her  standing  there  holding  out  the 
loaf  of  bread  to  him.  I  took  the  food  back  inside 
and  in  a  few  minutes  the  Captain  and  I  fed  him 
comfortably  with  a  nice  little  audience  standing 
around  with  much  curiosity.  Then  we  went  on  our 
way,  stopping  once  more  about  4  to  get  some  hot 
tea  and  to  have  a  little  lunch. 

We  reached  here  at  6 :  45  and  really  I  don't 
think  Phil  was  much  the  worse  for  wear  except 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  117 

very  dirty  and  pretty  tired.  Col.  Fife  and  Major 
Clopton  met  us  and  made  arrangements  to  have 
him  put  in  an  empty  tent,  so  the  stretcher  bearers 
pulled  him  out  of  the  ambulance  and  carried  him 
in  and  we  got  him  into  a  nice,  clean,  comfortable 
bed,  and  you  can  imagine  he  was  pretty  glad  to 
get  there.  His  dinner  was  soon  sent  down  to  him 
from  the  officers'  mess  and  he  was  cleaned  up 
just  enough  to  make  him  comfortable.  Major 
Clopton  decided  not  to  do  his  dressing  until  the 
next  morning,  but  to  let  him  rest.  He  had  a  fairly 
comfortable  night,  he  said,  sleeping  at  intervals, 
but  he  had  not  been  sleeping  well  before  he  left 
C.  The  next  morning  his  temperature  was  only 
99.6,  so  you  see  the  trip  really  did  not  do  him  any 
harm.  When  Major  Clopton  dressed  him  at  10, 
I  went  down  to  watch.  He  has  what  to  you  would 
appear  to  be  a  pretty  nasty  wound,  but  what 
compared  to  so  many  of  the  things  we  see  here 
is  really  a  very  small  matter.  A  jagged  piece  of 
shell  about  an  inch  long  entered  just  below  the 
lower  angle  of  his  right  shoulder  blade  and  tore 
right  down  through  the  muscles  to  the  sacro- 
iliac joint,  which  is  where  the  pelvic  bones  join 
the  spine.  It  did  not  injure  his  spine  at  all,  for 
he  can  move  very  well  except  that  he  has  pain. 
The  doctors  at  the  Clearing  Station  opened  up  the 
whole  tract  almost,  which  was  of  course  necessary 
for  free  drainage. 


118  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

Phil  said  that  after  the  dressing  the  wound  felt 
very  much  more  comfortable.  He  eats  finely-  and 
is  now  having  the  time  of  his  life,  having  all  his  old 
friends  visit  him  and  make  much  of  him.  I  have 
not  had  much  time  to  talk  with  him  since  I  have 
been  back,  for  of  course  there  was  accumulated  work 
for  me  to  attend  to,  but  I  am  so  relieved  to  have 
him  here  it  does  not  matter  whether  I  have  time 
to  spend  with  him  or  not.  I  have  seen  that  he  has 
plenty  of  magazines  and  picture  puzzles  to  do, 
and  he  has  been  reading  to-day  all  the  letters 
from  the  various  members  of  the  family  that  I 
have  received  in  the  past  month,  and  also  the 
copies  of  all  my  letters  to  you  all.  I  shall  see  him 
to-night  probably.  We  shall  have  him  up  in  a 
chair  out  in  the  sun  to-morrow ;  in  fact  he  may 
have  been  out  to-day.  He  is  occupying  a  tent 
alone  although  there  are  13  other  beds  in  the 
tent  where  he  is.  I  have  said  that  he  does  not 
need  to  stay  alone,  but  while  we  are  light  it  can 
easily  be  managed.  He  has  a  convalescent  patient 
as  his  personal  servant,  a  "blue  boy,"  as  we  call 
them,  a  "light  duty  patient"  who  is  so  proud 
because  he  has  an  officer  to  wait  on.  There  are 
American  orderlies  in  his  division  of  course,  but 
the  blue  boy  fetches  his  meals  and  putters  over 
him,  etc.     Of  course  my  nurses  are  in  charge. 

I  brought  all  his  kit  and  belongings  down 
with  him  in  the  ambulance.  I  have  his  metal 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  119 

helmet  hanging  here  in  my  office.  You  can't 
really  imagine  what  a  narrow  escape  he  had 
imtil  you  see  the  dent  in  the  edge  of  the  thick 
steel  hat  that  was  made  by  the  piece  of  shell. 
It  broke  the  edge  and  made  a  curved  dent 
about  an  inch  wide.  It  is  a  perfect  miracle  he 
was  not  killed.  It  was  the  helmet  that  saved  his 
life.  He  is  so  marvelously  fortunate,  for  no  perma- 
nent damage  has  been  done,  and  Major  Clopton 
does  not  think  he  will  have  any  permanent  dis- 
ability, and  he  might  so  easily  have  been  killed 
or  paralyzed  by  that  little  piece  of  shell. 

Friday,  Sept.  28,  1917. 

Yesterday  afternoon  I  was  writing  a  little  note 
here  in  my  office  when  I  heard  the  bugles  sound 
for  calling  the  convoy  party  and  I  finished  my 
note  saying,  there  comes  the  convoy  we  have 
been  expecting  and  I  must  get  busy.  I  must  tell 
you  how  busy  we  got.  It  is  now  a  little  more  than 
24  hours  later.  On  my  way  to  the  receiving  tents  I 
met  a  sergeant,  who  said  to  me  that  the  men  coming 
in  were  in  very  bad  shape.  They  were  being  carried 
out  from  the  receiving  tents  as  fast  as  possible, 
after  their  cards  had  been  made  out  and  their 
throats  examined  for  diphtheria  suspects.  We 
have  had  a  lot  of  diphtheria  brought  to  us  and  a 
number  of  our  own  people  have  caught  it.  We 
now  have  four  nurses  away  in  the  contagious 


120  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

hospital  near  here,  one  has  diphtheria  and  the 
other  three  had  positive  throats  without  any 
dinical  symptoms,  so  they  just  have  to  be  kept 
away  from  everybody  until  they  are  negative. 
So  all  suspected  throats  are  isolated  in  a  special 
line  until  cultures  can  be  made  and  examined. 

Capt.  Rainey,  who  is  Acting  Chief  of  the 
Surgical  Service  in  the  absence  of  Major  Murphy, 
and  Major  Clopton,  spoke  to  me  in  the  tents  and 
said  V-  ■*  have  a  big  night's  work  ahead  of  us,  for 
many  of  these  men  will  have  to  be  operated  on  at 
once.  They  have  had  nothing  done  to  them  but 
their  first-aid  dressings  and  they  are  in  pretty 
bad  shape.  He  then  asked  me  to  go  with  a  special 
case  that  was  in  very  bad  condition  and  see  that 
he  got  a  saline  stimulation  at  once.  This  boy,  a 
head  case,  was  scheduled  for  Line  B,  tent  2,  and 
as  I  went  into  the  tent  with  the  stretcher  bearers, 
another  patient  was  being  brought  in  by  two  more 
bearers.  The  nurse  spoke  up  and  said  that  she 
had  only  one  empty  bed.  It  was  apparent  then 
that  the  assigner  had  made  a  mistake.  I  told  the 
bearers  to  put  their  patients  down  on  the  floor, 
and  giving  a  hurried  glance  at  the  other  patient 
and  a  hasty  feel  of  his  pulse,  I  decided  that  my 
patient  was  in  the  poorer  condition,  so  I  got  the 
bearers  to  put  him  into  the  empty  bed  and  sent 
one  of  the  other  carriers  back  to  the  receiving 
tent  for  instructipns  about  the  other  man.  Mean- 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  121 

while  I  got  things  started  for  the  saline  subcu- 
taneous infusion.  In  a  couple  of  minutes,  the 
bearer  came  back  and  said  he  had  been  told  to 
put  his  patient  in  the  nearest  vacant  bed  and 
report  later  where  he  had  put  him.  We  had  a 
vacant  bed  in  B  2,  so  we  carried  him  in  there 
and  got  him  into  bed.  We  asked  the  man  if  he 
could  help  himself  at  all  as  he  was  huge,  and  there 
is  always  great  difficulty  lifting  patients  off  of  the 
stretchers  because  there  is  so  little  space  between 
the  beds  and  the  two  carriers  can't  do  much  more 
than  hold  the  stretcher  at  the  bed  level.  Mrs. 
Hausmann,  the  Supervisor,  came  along  just  that 
moment,  and  an  up-patient;  when  the  patient 
said  it  was  his  back  that  was  hurt  and  he  could  not 
help  himself,  we  knew  then  how  to  proceed  and 
between  us  we  lifted  him  on  his  blanket  and  got 
him  on  the  bed  until  the  bearers  could  put  down 
their  stretcher  and  then  help  us  get  the  blanket 
out  and  make  him  comfortable.  While  doing  this 
I  noticed  that  one  of  his  legs  was  crossed  over  the 
other  and  I  straightened  it  out  and  saw  big  purple 
spots  where  they  had  been  in  contact.  Realizing 
from  this  that  they  had  been  crossed  a  long  time, 
we  discovered  that  he  was  totally  paralyzed  from 
his  waist  down.  On  his  card  it  said  "  Penetrating 
wound  of  spine,  not  operated  on.'* 

The  poor  fellow  immediately  went  off  into  heavy 
sleep^  as  they  almost  always  do,  they  are  so  glad 


/ 


122  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

to  stop  being  jiggled,  and  I  went  to  report  to 
Capt.  Rainey  and  to  get  extra  operating-room 
nurses  reajdy.  We  had  taken  in  130  patients  from 
that  convoy,  but  every  one  is  immediately  ex- 
amined by  the  staff  men  who  make  their  report 
to  Capt.  Rainey,  who  in  no  time  had  a  list  of 
15  needing  immediate  operation. 

A  steady  stream  of  patients  is  carried  into  the 
X-ray  room  and  from  there  either  directly  to  the 
operating  room  or  back  to  their  tents.  The  plates 
are  developed  almost  immediately  and  are  ex- 
amined while  wet  and  stuck  up  in  improvised 
holders  on  the  windows  of  the  operating  room. 
They  all  showed  foreign  bodies  and  often  bubbles, 
indicating  the  dreaded  infection  by  the  "gas 
bacillus, "  which  causes  such  dreadful  gas  gangrene. 
All  these  cases  have  to  be  opened  up  and  the 
necrotic  tissue  cleaned  out.  Then  we  began  in 
the  operating  room.  Miss  Taylor  was  on  duty  in 
the  oflBce,  so  I  was  free  to  help  in  the  operating 
room.  The  supervisors  were  each  on  their  side  of 
the  hospital,  and  the  nurses  were  all  getting  the 
poor  creatures  as  comfortable  as  possible.  One 
patient  who  was  too  far  gone  from  bloodlessness 
to  stand  operation  was  made  as  comfortable  as 
possible  and  the  minister  sent  for;  they  were  all 
given  tea  and  partially  bathed.  This  was  about 
4  :  30  P.M.  Then  we  began  in  the  operating  room, 
taking  out  foreign  bodies  and  incising  and  drain- 


FINDmG  THEMSELVES  123 

ing.  I  scrubbed  up  and  helped,  not  so  much  be 
cause  they  needed  me  but  because  I  wanted  to  be 
in  it.  We  kept  three  tables  going  all  the  time. 
The  medical  students  gave  ether  and  even  some 
of  the  medical  men  were  helping.  Out  in  the  little 
hall  there  were  always  three  or  four  patients  on 
stretchers  on  the  floor.  My  friend,  Dr.  (Sgt.) 
Voorsanger,  the  Rabbi,  was  in  charge  of  the 
records  and  stretcher  bearers  and  worked  like  a 
Trojan.  We  took  pieces  of  shell  out  of  necks, 
hips,  knees,  skulls,  ankles,  shoulders,  and  out  of 
the  spine  of  my  poor  paralyzed  man.  Some  of  the 
men  took  the  ether  badly  and  screamed  and 
fought  and  cursed;  some  thought  they  were  in 
the  battle  and  called  out  to  their  comrades  "There 
go  the  61st,  after  them,  after  them."  But  most  of 
them  took  it  pretty  quietly  and  just  went  off  to 
sleep. 

About  7  o'clock  a  message  came  in  from  the 
connecting  "Theatre  Hut,"  a  ward  at  the  other 
end  of  the  hut,  where  the  operating  room  is,  that 
a  man  who  had  had  a  fearful  hemorrhage  from  the 
wound  in  his  shoulder  that  morning  was  very 
much  worse.  It  was  decided  to  transfuse  him,  a 
complicated  job  imder  the  very  best  of  circum- 
stances. An  up-patient  was  sought  to  volunteer 
to  be  the  donor  of  the  blood,  and  promised  as  a 
reward  that  he  would  be  sent  to  England  and  not 
back  to  the  Base  (how  good  a  promise  I  do  not 


124  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

know,  but  at  least  he  might  get  a  glimpse  of 
Blighty  for  a  few  days  if  our  men  send  him  there, 
but  of  course  if  found  fit  there,  he  would  be  sent 
back  to  the  front).  He  was  brought,  wide-eyed 
and  wondering,  into  the  brilliant,  messy  operating 
room  filled  with  strangely  garbed  and  bustling 
people  and  put  on  a  table  and  his  arm  prepared. 
Some  doctors  got  busy  with  him  and  I  went  with 
another  doctor  to  get  ready  the  vein  in  the  pa- 
tient's arm.  In  a  few  minutes  we  were  ready  and 
the  other  doctors  came  to  insert  the  tiny  point  of 
their  glass  tube  into  the  hole  in  the  vein  we  had 
ready.  A  nurse  was  holding  a  droplight  over 
the  bed,  another  nurse  was  holding  the  arm,  a 
doctor  was  adjusting  the  tourniquet  so  that  the 
vein  would  show  up  well,  then  the  two  men  who 
were  working  were  bending  over  the  arm,  I  was 
handing  them  instruments,  for  I  was  scrubbed 
up,  since  everything  must  be  sterile.  The  patient 
was  just  gasping,  rapidly  growing  worse,  but  the 
point  went  in  successfully  and  the  blood  began 
to  flow  into  his  vein,  when  all  the  lights  went 
out  and  the  patient  stopped  breathing! 

I  knew  where  a  whole  batch  of  candles  had  been 
put  for  use  at  the  next  air  raid  alarm,  so  I  dashed 
for  them,  knowing  I  could  get  them  mOre  quickly 
than  by  sending  any  one.  They  were  not  far  away. 
In  about  two  minutes  we  had  candles  stuck  on 
every  available  spot,  and  the  operating  teams  who 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  125 

had  to  stop  dead  and  wait,  began  to  go  on.  The 
orderly  who  was  working  over  a  miserable  acety- 
lene lamp  which  is  supposed  to  be  all  right  for 
emergencies,  finally  got  it  going.  It  is  quite  all 
right  for  emergencies  if  you  have  about  ten  minutes 
in  which  to  start  it.  A  couple  of  oil  lanterns  were 
brought  and  given  to  the  patients  who  were  on  the 
floor  in  the  hall  to  hold,  so  that  they  would  not  be 
stepped  on.  The  ether  bottles  were  moved  as  far 
away  from  the  candles  as  possible  so  that  we 
would  not  have  an  explosion  to  add  to  our  diffi- 
culties, the  doctors  came  in  from  working  over 
the  dead  man,  and  we  all  "carried  on."  It  was 
now  near  eight,  and  Capt.  Rainey  said  when 
these  cases  are  finished  that  are  on  the  tables, 
we  will  stop  for  dinner.  A  couple  of  nurses  who 
had  had  their  dinner  reported  just  about  then 
and  we  set  them  to  cleaning  instruments  and 
boiling  and  fixing  up.  The  others  of  us  went  up 
to  a  belated  supper  by  candle  light.  The  night 
nurse  and  orderly  for  the  theatre  hut  came  on 
duty  just  in  time  to  help  with  the  gruesome  duty 
to  be  done  there,  and  supper  was  kept  for  the 
day  nurses  from  there  when  they  should  be  able 
to  get  off. 

By  8 :  30  we  were  back  again  refreshed  by 
scrambled  eggs  and  coffee.  The  operations  con- 
tinued till  3  A.M.  I  sent  one  day  nurse  off  about 
10,  because  I  knew  she  would  have  to  have  a  full 


126  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

day  to-day  and  would  need  to  be  at  her  prepara- 
tions early.  Another  nurse  and  I  left  at  1 :  30 
ajfter  getting  some  of  the  night  nurses'  supper 
which  I  had  ordered  heavily  reenforced.  Another 
nurse  left  at  3  and  one  stayed  all  night.  In  these 
last  24  hours  there  must  have  been  34  operations. 
I  haven't  the  exact  list  here.  I  was  on  duty  here 
in  the  office  at  9 :  15  a.m.  Two  nurses  did  not 
come  on  until  noon,  and  the  one  who  was  up  all 
night  (as  well  as  being  up  all  day  yesterday  too, 
though  not  working,  as  she  was  just  coming  off 
night  duty  and  had  expected  to  sleep  that  night) 
has  been  sleeping  all  day.  I  have  just  been 
notified  that  160  more  are  to  be  brought  to  us 
at  6  A.M.  to-morrow.  That  6  a.m.  will  mean  some 
time  during  the  morning,  for  the  convoys  are 
almost  always  several  hours  after  they  are 
scheduled. 

One  of  the  night  Supervisors  has  just  been 
telling  me  that  last  night,  after  that  patient 
died,  before  he  had  been  taken  out,  he  was  of 
course  behind  the  screens,  the  patient  in  the 
next  bed  said  to  her,  "Sister,  is  my  pal  all  right  ? 
I  haven't  heard  him  speak  for  some  time,"  and 
she  had  to  tell  him  what  had  happened.  But 
only  this  one  and  that  very  bad  one  have  died  so 
far. 

It  is  now  Sunday  afternoon,  Sept.  30.  We 
are  having  a  little  respite  from  our  busyness  and 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  127 

no  convoys  have  been  received  since  yesterday 
morning  when  we  received  140.  The  doctors  are 
getting  a  little  well-earned  rest,  and  the  nurses, 
who  have  not  lost  so  much  sleep  as  the  doctors, 
are  catching  up  with  their  work  on  the  wards. 
Operations  were  going  on  in  the  operating  room 
till  1 :  30  again  last  night,  but  to-day  there  have 
been  none,  but  there  has  been  much  sterilizing, 
glove  mending,  and  preparing  of  supplies. 

It  is  a  beautiful  sunny  afternoon,  and  we  would 
hardly  believe  that  this  morning,  up  to  almost 
noon,  it  was  so  cold  that  everybody  was  complain- 
ing of  the  cold. 

I  have  just  had  orders  to  have  my  next  nurse 
ready  to  go  up  to  the  front  with  a  surgical  team. 
They  will  probably  go  in  a  couple  of  days,  three 
men  and  one  woman.  It  was  my  turn  to  go  with 
this  team,  but  a  few  days  ago  Col.  Fife  told  me 
he  would  not  let  me  go.  I  am  tremendously  dis- 
appointed because  I  wanted  above  all  things  to 
go.  I  want  the  great  interest  and  excitement  of 
the  work,  which  is  hard  but  thrilling;  operating 
16  hours  on  end,  then  off  for  8  hours.  These  are 
the  hours  while  the  rush  is  on.  Then  I  wanted  to 
find  out  how  I  would  react  to  real  danger.  I 
can't  ever  remember  being  frightened,  and  every- 
body who  goes  to  a  C.  C.  S.  admits  that  he  or  she 
is  frightened  most  of  the  time,  and  especially 
when  there  are  raids,  and  bombs  and  shells  are 


128  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

dropping  about.  Of  course  these  are  just  selfish 
reasons,  but  there  were  others  too.  I  think  Miss 
Taylor  could  run  my  affairs  perfectly  satis- 
factorily in  my  absence  for  a  month.  But  now 
I  must  wait.  We  learn  to  do  that  with  con- 
siderable success  in  the  army.  I  hate  to  let 
the  nurse  I  have  appointed  for  this  team  go. 
When  the  first  one  went  up,  we  did  not  know 
much  about  what  it  meant,  but  since  she  has 
come  back  to  us,  we  know  more.  Also  PhiFs 
accounts  have  been  enlightening.  But  it  is  her 
turn  to  go.  She  is  ready,  has  had  all  the  prepara- 
tions, and  she  is  most  eager  to  go,  so  I  must  not 
make  any  change  in  the  schedule,  but  we  shall 
all  miss  her  and  be  worried  about,  her  until  she 
gets  back  to  us.  All  the  teams  have  a  two  days' 
ambulance  ride  to  begin  with,  then  when  they 
get  there,  they  have  to  pretty  much  rough  it. 
They  take  their  cots  and  blankets  and  sleep  in 
bell  tents.  When  they  have  air-raid  signals,  they 
all  have  to  lie  down  flat  on  their  stomachs  wher- 
ever they  may  be.  One  of  our  teams  had  a  special 
hole  in  a  cemetery  they  had  to  hop  into  all  the 
time.  Phil's  fellow  oflficers  had  a  little  drainage 
ditch  full  of  mud  that  was  their  hiding-place. 

I  suppose  that  long  before  this  you  have  learned 
that  our  Unit  was  not  bombed.  There  seems  to 
have  been  an  official  confusion  between  ours  and 
the   Chicago  names.  Officially,   until  it  can  be 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  129 

changed,  we  are  the  "No.  12  (St.  Louis  U.  S.  A.) 
General  Hospital."  You  see  Chicago  was  Amer- 
ican Base  Hospital  No.  12  to  begin  with,  and  it 
is  easy  to  see  how  the  confusion  arose.  They  are 
18  General  Hospital,  B.  E.  F. 

I  have  been  sitting  with  Phil  out  in  the  sun- 
shine beside  his  tent.  He  has  not  had  much  atten- 
tion paid  him  lately,  neither  from  me  nor  the 
surgeons,  but  he  has  not  needed  it.  He  is  getting 
along  slowly  but  well.  I  saw  his  dressing  yester- 
day, the  first  time  for  ten  days,  and  I  could  see  a 
great  improvement.  He  is  not  being  allowed  to 
walk  more  than  the  few  steps  to  his  chair,  and 
I  find  he  has  not  much  desire  to.  He  is  anxious 
to  get  back  to  work,  but  he  won't  be  able  to  do 
much  for  a  long  time.  He  is  now  finding  out 
how  closely  his  legs  are  hitched  to  his  back. 

I  meant  to  tell  you  about  a  curious  little  in- 
cident that  happened  on  our  trip  to  C.  I  told 
you  we  escorted  a  sick  Chinaman  up  to  the 
British  Hospital  for  Chinese  at  N.  Dr.  Veeder 
had  been  given  the  envelope  he  was  to  turn  over 
to  the  authorities  of  the  hospital.  When  we 
arrived  just  outside  the  hospital  compound  and 
stopped,  a  British  sergeant  came  out  to  help  the 
patient  out  of  the  ambulance  and  a  lot  of  blue- 
hospital-garbed  Chinesers  gathered  around  to  see 
what  was  doing.  Capt.  Veeder  and  I  had  gotten 
out  to  stretch  our  legs  and  were  standing  by  the 


ISO  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

tail  of  the  ambulance.  Dr.  Veeder  handed  the 
papers  to  the  sergeant,  who  opened  the  envelope, 
read  the  paper  twice  with  a  puzzled  look,  then  burst 
into  roars  of  laughter.  He  handed  the  paper  back 
to  Capt.  Veeder,  and  this  is  what  we  read:  "6 
cups,  enamel,  spitting."  It  was  an  "indent"  for 
some  necessary  supplies  that  had  been  put  in  the 
envelope  and  addressed  to  the  C.  O.  of  the  hospital 
instead  of  the  transfer  papers  of  the  poor  Chink. 
Fortimately  we  did  not  have  to  take  him  on  with 
us,  as  he  was  properly  tagged  himself.  It's  a  com- 
fort to  me  to  know  that  even  the  British  Army 
can  sometimes  make  mistakes. 

Next  week,  not  this  week,  Thursday,  I  am  ex- 
pecting to  go  up  to  Paris  to  attend  the  first  con- 
ference of  American  Chief  Nurses  in  France. 
There  are  about  sixteen  of  us,  and  Miss  Russell, 
the  representative  of  the  American  Red  Cross  Niu-s- 
ing  Service,  has  asked  us  to  meet  with  her  in  Paris. 
It  ought  to  be  good  fim  to  get  together  and  com- 
pare notes  after  four  months  of  this  life,  and  we 
ought  to  get  some  really  definitely  useful  sugges- 
tions from  our  getting  together. 

There  are  to  be  various  festivities  of  a  heavy 
and  enlightening  sort.  I  think  the  little  change 
will  do  me  good,  as  I  find  I  am  a  bit  tired.  The 
London  trip  is  off,  since  Philip  is  here  with  me, 
and  this  Paris  one  is  on.  I  am  asking  for  five 
days'  leave,  but  if  things  here  continue  to  be  as 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  ISl 

heavy  as  they  are  now,  I  shall  not  stay  the  five 
days. 

When  a  page  stops  abruptly  at  the  bottom  of 
the  sheet  and  there  is  no  proper  ending,  don't 
be  worried  that  something  has  been  taken  out 
by  the  censor.  It  often  happens  that  when  I 
have  finished  a  sheet  I  have  to  stop  and  don't 
try  to  wind  things  up  properly,  though  I  usually 
try  to  put  in  a  few  personal  remarks  at  the  end 
on  a  separate  piece  of  paper,  and  answer  questions 
from  letters,  etc. 

Now  I  must  close,  so  good-by  for  now. 

With  loads  and  loads  of  love  from  us  both. 

Jule. 

Rouen,  October  9,  1917. 

It  is  so  good  to  be  back  at  work  and  with  my 
own  people  again.  I  could  not  lay  down  my 
responsibilities  for  that  short  time  I  was  in  Paris, 
and  I  could  not  help  thinking  about  everything 
here  all  the  time  and  wondering  about  everybody, 
so  it  wasn't  so  very  restful,  and  then  when  I 
got  back  last  night,  I  found  it  so  restful  to  be 
back,  and  all  day  with  all  the  many  things  to  do 
I  have  been  peaceful  and  contented  and  so  very 
glad  to  be  back.  I  just  wish  you  could  have 
seen  this  place  last  night  when  I  arrived  in  the 
pouring  rain  and  pitch  blackness.  Our  train  got 


13^  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

in  about  8.  My  telegram  had  not  been  received 
and  there  was  no  ambulance  to  meet  us  and 
there  are  never  any  taxis  to  be  had  at  the  station. 
The  station  was  full  of  poilus  going  out,  and  as 
the  R.  T.  O.  (Royal  Transport  Officer)  had  his 
hands  full,  I  didn't  have  the  heart  to  ask 
him  to  telephone  for  our  ambulance  for  us.  I 
could  not.  So  we  decided  to  try  a  tram  to  the 
quay  and  there  hoped  for  a  taxi.  It  was  still 
pouring  but  finally  we  got  on  to  a  tram  with  all 
our  bags  and  bundles  and  at  the  quay  we  had  the 
very  good  luck  of  catching  the  only  taxi  which 
just  tore  us  out  here  to  the  camps.  At  the  gate 
of  our  quarters  I  got  out  in  the  mud  and  waded 
through  the  darkness  to  the  door  of  my  own 
room,  and  how  good  the  old  place  looked.  To 
an  outsider  I  imagine  it  would  have  looked  like 
the  abomination  of  desolation,  the  camp  and 
our  quarters.  For  it  was  so  dark,  and  the  rain 
was  pouring  down  and  there  were  such  pools  of 
water  everywhere,  and  only  such  weak  glimmer- 
ings of  light  here  and  there.  As  Miss  Taylor  had 
not  come  up  from  the  office,  I  stopped  just  long 
enough  to  get  my  rubber  boots,  rubber  hat,  and 
coat.  My  big  great  coat  was  soaked  through. 
Then  I  paddled  happily  off  to  talk  things  over 
with  Miss  Taylor.  The  hospital  had  been  very, 
very  busy  all  the  time  I  was  away,  but  everything 
had  gone  smoothly.  We  have  over  1200  patients. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  133 

Then  afterwards  I  went  down  to  see  Philip.  He 
was  no  longer  in  a  tent  alone,  as  the  hospital  had 
become  so  busy  it  had  been  necessary  to  fill  up 
the  beds  in  his  tent.  As  he  was  on  the  shell  shock 
line  the  cases  with  him  were  not  bad  surgical 
cases.  We  had  a  nice  talk  over  in  his  corner  and 
read  the  letters  that  had  come  for  both  him  and 
me  in  my  absence. 

It  has  been  raining  here  every  day  for  the  past 
ten  days  and  is  very  cold.  We  all  are  wearing 
sweaters  and  all  oiu*  heavy  things.  The  dampness 
is  so  penetrating.  The  sweater  Mother  and  Bab 
made  arrived  safely  and  is  exactly  right.  I  have 
it  on  this  moment  and  shall  probably  not  take  it 
off  until  it  falls  apart.  The  bloomers  are  very 
nice  too  and  I  think  will  be  useful  with  the  serge 
uniform  in  rainy  weather  when  I  pin  my  skirt 
up.  We  are  soon  to  have  gray  wash  imiforms, 
which  will  be  much  more  suitable  than  these 
white  ones,  but  they  won't  be  so  very  much 
warmer.  We  are  to  have  "spencers"  or  "woollies" 
to  wear  imder  them. 

Phil  has  now  been  moved  into  a  bell  tent  which 
was  an  office  of  Dr.  Schwab's.  It  is  a  tiny  little 
affair,  but  looked  most  cozy  last  night  when  I  was 
down  to  say  goodnight  to  Phil.  The  rain  was  pour- 
ing down  on  the  canvas  with  a  pleasant  sound  and 
coming  through  the  opening  on  the  wood  floor, 
but  Phil  was  as  warm  and  comfortable  as  can  be. 


1S4  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

He  has  no  electric  light,  but  my  candle  lantern 
held  on  his  lap  not  only  makes  sufficient  light  to 
read  by  but  warms  his  hands.  This  cold  is  no  joke. 
I  suppose  we  shall  get  used  to  it,  but  these  first 
days  of  it  are  very  trying. 

My  children  at  the  front  are  having  such  won- 
derful times.  They  are  working  terribly  hard, 
sleeping  with  helmets  over  their  faces  and  enamel 
basins  on  their  stomachs,  washing  in  the  water 
they  had  in  their  hot-water  bags  because  water 
is  so  scarce,  operating  fourteen  hours  at  a  stretch, 
drinking  quantities  of  tea  because  there  is  no 
coffee  and  nothing  else  to  drink,  wearing  men's 
ordnance  socks  under  their  stockings,  trying  to 
keep  their  feet  warm  in  the  frosty  operating 
rooms  at  night,  and  both  seeing  and  doing  such 
surgical  work  as  they  never  in  their  wildest 
days  dreamed  of,  but  all  the  time  imafraid  and 
unconcerned  with  the  whistling,  banging  shells 
exploding  around  them.  Oh,  they  are  fine! 
One  need  never  tell  me  that  women  can't  do  as 
much,  stand  as  much,  and  be  as  brave  as  men. 
And  to-morrow  another  of  my  finest  goes  up, 
keen  as  keen  to  do  her  bit  and  only  hoping  she 
will  be  equal  to  it.  It's  Miss  Claiborne  to-morrow. 
She  is  packing  her  things  to-night  after  a  hard 
day  in  the  operating  room  here.  First,  she  has  a 
long,  difficult  trip,  then  plunges  into  the  maelstrom 
up  there.  Five  more  went  for  the  gas  training  to- 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  135 

day  to  be  ready  to  substitute  if  any  of  the  nurses 
at  the  front  have  to  be  relieved  for  sickness  or 
accident.  And  all  these  ^ve  are  just  pawing  the 
air  for  a  chance  to  be  sent  up,  even  after  knowing 
all  they  do  about  what  it  is  like  up  there,  and  in 
all  this  cold.  And  oh,  how  I  want  to  go  myself. 

Our  meeting  in  Paris  was  very  pleasant,  and 
worth  while  too.  There  were  thirteen  of  us  Chief 
Nurses  there.  Six  are  with  the  B.  E.  F.  and  the 
others  with  the  American  Forces.  They,  the  latter, 
have  not  had  any  real  work  yet.  Some  of  us 
Britishers  could  not  help  laughing  when  some  of 
the  others  said  they  were  beginning  to  be  right 
busy  as  they  had  about  a  hundred  patients !  The 
night  before  I  left  here  we  admitted  over  200. 
To-night  on  several  lines  one  nurse  and  one  orderly 
are  taking  care  of  over  100  patients  (not  the 
sickest).  We  have  so  many  awfully  sick  patients 
now.  But  to  go  back  to  the  meetings,  we  had 
lots  of  things  to  discuss.  We  sent  back  to  Wash- 
ington suggestions  about  uniforms  and  equip- 
ment. We  decided  on  what  we  wanted  for  dis- 
tinguishing marks  for  Chief  Nurses,  black  bands 
on  the  white  caps  and  red  bands  on  the  cuflFs  of 
the  uniforms.  We  had  to  take  up  the  matter  of 
the  Army  Efficiency  Records,  which  were  open  to 
many  interpretations.  Then  matters  of  social  life, 
dancing,  going  out  with  officers,  leaves,  a  hotel  in 
Paris,   etc.,   were  talked   over.  The   question  of 


186  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

dancing  is  a  very  warm  one.  The  English  nurses 
in  military  hospitals  are  not  allowed  to  dance. 
Some  of  us  think  our  niu'ses  should  be  allowed  to 
do  it  for  their  good  and  the  good  of  our  own 
officers.  The  question  was  left  over  unsettled  until 
our  next  meeting  in  February.  It  will  now  go  on 
according  to  the  ideas  of  the  heads  of  each  Unit. 

Mrs.  Sharp,  the  wife  of  the  American  Ambassa- 
dor, entertained  us  at  dinner  elaborately.  The 
Lyceum  Club  gave  us  a  reception,  after  an  open 
meeting  when  we  heard  of  the  Red  Cross  baby 
work,  tuberculosis  schemes,  surgical  dressings, 
division,  etc.  I  saw  several  very  nice  people  that 
I  know,  and  had  various  meals  and  doings  with 
them,  so  the  time  we  were  not  at  meetings  went 
very  pleasantly.  It  is  surprising  how  one  can  en- 
joy fancy  food  when  one  gets  it,  even  though  all 
along  you  have  been  thinking  that  food  is  very 
unimportant.  I  noticed  that  lobster  and  sweet- 
breads and  souffles  and  oysters,  and  once,  really, 
corn  on  the  cob,  made  a  pretty  big  hit  with  me. 
But  all  the  same  I  was  so  awfully  glad  to  get 
back  to  my  job.  The  day  to-day  has  been  pretty 
full  of  problems  and  I  am  a  bit  tired,  so  I  guess 
I'd  better  turn  in. 

Phil  had  a  nice  little  walk  to-day  in  his  clothes, 
but  he  is  pretty  well  used  up  to-night  after  a  long, 
mean  dressing  done  in  the  operating  room,  from 
which  he  walked  back  alone,  which  he  should  not 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  137 

have  done,  but  insisted  to  his  nurses  that  he 
wished  to  do.  I  am  furious  that  I  was  not  on 
hand  to  prevent  it.  But  he  was  warm  and  cozy 
and  comfortably  reading  in  bed  awhile  ago  when 
I  went  to  say  good  night.  This  is  not  much  of  a 
letter,  but  it  must  go  as  it  is,  I  think,  without 
waiting  for  additions. 

Thanks  so  much  for  the  book  and  for  your 
dear  letters.  "Carry  On"  is  wonderful,  and  we 
love  to  read  such  things  over  here.  I'm  lending 
it  around  now.  Bab's  music  came  to-day ;  it  was 
dear  of  her  to  send  it.  It  has  been  played  already 
with  much  success.  The  violin  is  such  a  comfort. 
I  played  last  evening  right  straight  through  the 
book.  I've  never  enjoyed  playing  so  much  before. 

Oceans  of  love, 

Julie. 

Simday  evening,  October  14. 

Dearest  Dad  and  Mother :  — 

Miss  Taylor  and  I  are  in  oiu*  cozy  oflSce  waiting 
for  the  time  for  the  evening  report,  which  won't 
be  for  about  half  an  hour  yet.  We  have  both  been 
to  first  supper  and  will  now  rest  ourselves  a  little 
for  this  half  hour.  She  has  decided  to  do  a  picture 
puzzle.  I  wish  you  all  could  see  how  nice  our 
oflSce  is.  We  have  the  tiniest  coal  stove  that  ever 
existed,  and  yet  it  is  just  the  right  size  for  this 
place.  We  have  been  having  a  fire  in  it  for  the 


1S8  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

past  few  days,  for  it  has  been  very  cold  and  raining 
almost  every  day.  An  orderly  with  a  lantern  has 
just  come  in  out  of  the  darkness  to  tell  us  that 
sixty  cases  are  on  the  way  to  the  hospital  now  and 
sixty  more  are  coming  at  midnight.  We  are  just 
about  full  to  capacity,  but  every  day  we  send  out 
some,  so  every  day  we  can  take  more  in.  I  have 
been  off  duty  a  couple  of  hours  late  this  after- 
noon, the  first  time  off  since  I  got  back  from  Paris 
last  Tuesday. 

Phil,  who  is  walking  a  little  with  me  every  day, 
came  up  to  our  mess  for  tea  this  afternoon  and 
afterwards  I  walked  with  him  around  the  race 
track.  He  was  pretty  glad  to  get  back  to  bed  after 
this  rather  lengthy  expedition.  His  wound  is  very 
nearly  closed.  It  has  done  remarkably  well.  After 
I  left  him  being  put  to  bed  by  the  nice  convalescent 
patient  who  looks  after  him,  I  went  down  to  the 
evening  service  in  the  Y.  M.  C.  A.  hut,  the  Sun- 
day evening  Episcopal  service  that  comes  just 
before  the  Non-conformist  service. 

Dean  Davis  conducted  the  service,  and  how  I 
wished  that  some  of  his  St.  Louis  parishioners 
could  have  seen  him.  His  audience  in  that  rough 
hut  was  about  200  convalescent  patients  in  their 
blue  suits,  with  heads  or  arms  bandaged,  or 
coughing,  coughing  the  way  so  many  of  our  poor 
gassed  men  cough.  There  were  a  few  English 
Sisters  and  V.  A.  D.'s  there,  but  I  was  the  only 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  139 

American,  this  evening.  I  wish  you  could  hear 
these  men  sing.  There  is  nothing  like  the  singing 
that  I've  heard  the  Tommies  do.  Their  deep  voices 
singing  in  unison,  and  with  great  earnestness 
such  words  as  "Plenteous  grace  with  thee  is 
found,  Grace  to  cleanse  from  every  sin.  Let  the 
healing  streams  abound.  Make  and  keep  me  pure 
within,"  can  never  be  forgotten.  The  Dean  spoke 
briefly,  but  right  out  from  the  shoulder  to  them 
from  that  chapter  in  the  letter  to  the  Ephesians 
about, "  Lie  not,  for  ye  are  members  one  of  another, 
and  let  him  that  stole,  steal  no  more  but  rather 
let  him  work,  that  he  may  have  wherewith  to 
give  to  him  that  hath  need,"  etc.  There  was  more 
about  tenderness,  and  growing  in  grace. 

Speaking  of  tenderness,  I  have  never  in  all  my 
life  seen  such  tenderness  as  these  men  show  to 
each  other.  If  you  could  see,  as  we  so  often  see, 
men  with  horrible  leg  injuries  reaching  way  over 
to  feed  the  man  in  the  bed  next  to  them,  who 
may  have  arm  injuries  and  be  helpless.  And 
always  the  up-patients  are  so  good  to  the  bed- 
ridden ones.  Our  hospital  simply  could  not  run 
without  the  help  of  the  patients  themselves. 
They  fetch  and  carry  and  bathe  and  scrub  and 
hold  legs  and  arms  for  dressings,  and  joke  and 
jolly  each  other  along  till  it  would  break  your 
heart,  for  they  themselves  are  sick  men.  For  our 
up-patients  here  have  been  mighty  sick  or  they 


140  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

would  have  been  sent  on  to  England,  unless  they 
are  some  of  the  few  that  are  going  back  to  the 
Convalescent  Camp  and  from  there  back  into  the 
lines.  So  often,  too,  we  see  a  man  reach  way  over 
from  his  bed  to  give  his  neighbor  a  puff  at  his 
cigarette. 

I  have  felt  so  rich  recently,  for  I  got  such  a 
wonderful  lot  of  letters,  all  in  one  batch.  How  I 
did  enjoy  them.  All  the  family  ones  I  took  right 
down  to  read  with  Phil  in  his  little  tent.  We  had  a 
regular  orgy. 

It's  now  Friday,  the  18th,  and  such  a  lovely 
day  as  it  has  been,  clear  and  sunny  and  cold.  I 
had  a  little  walk  with  Ruth  just  after  limch  and 
it  reminded  us  of  November  days  at  home,  ex- 
cept for  what  we  saw.  For  all  we  saw  was  camps, 
camps,  camps  and  soldiers  of  every  sort.  We  did 
not  have  time  to  go  beyond  the  area  of  camps,  but 
off  in  the  distance  we  could  see  the  lovely  ridges 
that  make  the  edge  of  this  little  basin  that  Rouen 
is  in.  When  we  came  back,  I  walked  a  few  minutes 
with  Phil.  It  takes  a  long  time  for  his  strength 
to  come  back,  poor  boy.  He  is  awfully  good  and 
patient  and  as  little  trouble  as  a  person  could  be. 
I  think  he  is  a  little  depressed  to-day  by  his  feeling 
of  mimsiness,  and  the  being  out  of  things.  He 
finds  it  harder  to  be  up  a  little  every  day,  for,  as 
he  says,  when  he  is  dressed  he  looks  like  every  one 
else,  and  then  he  can't  do  like  them  at  all.  When 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  141 

he  was  in  bed  all  the  time,  he  did  not  mind  his 
incapacitation  so  much.  Now  is  the  time  that 
he  needs  petting  and  amusing  and  fussing  over. 
His  injury  was  no  little  thing  and  he  is  being  a 
marvel  of  goodness  about  it  all,  but  it  is  beastly 
hard  for  him,  to  have  to  hang  around  and  wait 
to  get  strong.  After  a  little  while  I  am  going  to 
see  what  can  be  done  about  convalescence  in 
some  better  place.  It  is  hard  to  know  whether 
a  convalescent  home  for  officers  in  the  south  of 
France,  alone  without  his  friends  and  me,  would 
do  him  more  good  than  these  plain  doings  and 
all  of  us.  When  he  can  get  about  a  bit  more,  he 
will  find  it  more  interesting;  for  then  I  can  go 
down  town  to  meals  with  him  and  take  walks, 
and  he  can  do  those  things  with  other  people  too. 
He  has  had  a  hard  experience,  but  it  is  doing 
big  things  for  him,  I  can  see  that  plainly.  I  am 
so  glad  he  is  here  with  me.  I  can  never  be  grateful 
enough. 

Our  great  busyness  has  continued  all  week 
though  we  have  not  been  quite  full  to  the  limit. 
On  Monday  last.  Major  Murphy  and  his  team,  ? 
and  Capt.  Post  and  his  team,  returned  from  their 
Clearing  Stations.  Each  team  had  one  nurse.  I 
wish  so  much  you  could  know  what  those  people 
have  been  doing  and  going  through.  You  really 
would  hardly  believe  their  tales.  They  are  all 
absolutely  tired  out.    Major  Murphy  seems  to  be 


142  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

in  the  best  condition,  but  he  said  he  was  dread- 
fully tired.  The  nurses  are  almost  all  in.  We  made 
them  stay  in  bed  36  hours  and  have  started  them 
off  on  the  easiest  places  we  could  find  for  them. 
But  it  will  take  a  good  many  weeks,  I  am  afraid, 
before  they  will  sleep  properly  and  not  dream 
about  stopping  hemorrhages,  and  stop  smelling 
the  smells  they  smelled  up  there.  What  with  the 
steam,  the  ether,  and  the  filthy  clothes  of  the  men, 
which  they  had  to  cut  off  before  they  could  begin 
to  start,  the  odor  in  the  operating  room  was  so 
terrible  that  it  was  all  that  any  of  them  could  do 
to  keep  from  being  sick.  One  of  my  nurses  was 
sick  at  her  stomach  all  night  long  the  first  night 
she  worked  there,  and  just  ran  in  and  out  all 
night,  but  kept  right  on  with  her  work,  though  she 
says  that  if  she  lives  to  be  a  hundred  and  fifty 
years  old,  she  will  never  forget  that  night.  One 
doctor  and  one  nurse  work  at  each  table  and  you 
can  imagine  what  surgical  work  the  nurse  has  to 
do,  no  mere  handing  of  instruments  and  sponges, 
but  sewing  and  tying  up  and  putting  in  drains 
while  the  doctor  takes  the  next  piece  of  shell  out 
of  another  place.  Then  after  fourteen  hours  of 
this,  with  freezing  feet,  to  a  meal  of  tea  and 
bread  and  jam,  and  off  to  rest  if  you  can  in  a 
wet  bell  tent  in  a  damp  bed  without  sheets,  after 
a  wash  with  a  cupful  of  water. 

The  trip  down  from  the  front  was  very  hard. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  143 

They  all  came  by  train  this  time.  One  team  after 
a  long  train  trip  arrived  at  a  f a;ir-sized  coast  town 
at  2  P.M.  The  doctor  tried  to  get  a  room  at  the 
hotel  for  the  nurse,  who  was  dead  with  cold  and 
fatigue,  but  all  the  rooms  had  been  taken  by 
officers  going  through  on  their  way  to  posts. 
Their  train  was  to  go  out  at  one  a.m.,  so  the  doctor 
only  wanted  the  room  for  the  evening  for  this 
nurse.  Finally  the  proprietor  said  he  would  let 
the  nurse  have  the  room  of  an  officer  who  had 
gone  out  for  the  evening  but  he  was  expected  in 
at  twelve.  But  that  seemed  fine,  so  the  nurse 
Jhad  a  little  rest  in  this  man's  room,  but  at  twelve 
was  called,  for  the  officer  had  come  back  and  was 
waiting  outside  the  door.  The  rest  of  the  night 
she  sat  up  in  a  freezing  French  railway  carriage, 
the  only  woman  with  her  doctor,  her  two  orderlies, 
and  two  Tommies.  The  Tommies  and  the  orderlies 
piled  up  on  each  other  and  went  sound  to  sleep, 
but  she  and  the  doctor  waggled  and  jolted  through 
the  miserable,  damp,  cold  night.  They  reached 
here  at  one  o'clock  the  next  afternoon,  and  really 
had  come  so  few  miles  as  the  crow  ffies.  How  I 
wished  for  a  warm  bathroom  and  a  quiet  cozy 
sleeping  place  for  these  weary,  dirty,  splendid 
women  of  mine.  But  willing,  eager  hands  brought 
pitchers  of  hot  water  and  put  hot-water  bags  in 
little  beds  that  are  clean  if  small,  and  brought 
trays  of  food,  and  now  after  two  days  both  of 


144  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

the  nurses  are  looking  a  little  less  green  and 
black  around  the  eyes.  And  how  glad  and  grate- 
ful we  are  to  have  them  back.  There  are  two 
more  away,  and  another  is  probably  to  go  soon, 
and  she  is  none  the  less  eager  after  hearing  the 
tales  of  the  others.  Major  Murphy  says  the  ex- 
perience is,  of  course,  very  wonderful,  but  it  is 
brutal.  He  means  brutal  on  the  teams.  But 
English  men  and  women  have  been  doing  this  for 
months  and  months.  This  was  a  very  big  push 
that  these  two  teams  have  been  through.  It  is  a 
^  marvel  to  me  that  human  beings  can  stand  it  all. 

October  30,  1917. 
Dearest  Dad  and  Mother :  — 

It  is  quite  a  long  time  since  I  last  wrote  any- 
thing more  than  just  short  handwritten  notes. 
It  was  the  14th  that  my  last  letter  was  dated,  I 
find.  Since  that  time  we  have  been  pretty  hard 
at  work.  We  had  very  little  let-up  at  all  for  about 
six  weeks.  Our  numbers  have  kept  over  the 
thousand  mark  all  along,  which  means  for  us 
very  little  time  for  play. 

I  guess  I  will  tell  you  about  to-day  which  was 
rather  typical.  It  was  bright  and  shiny  when  I 
went  over  to  the  Mess  hall  for  breakfast.  I  can 
tell  you  it  is  good  preparation  for  an  Arctic 
exploration  expedition  to  be  living  as  we  are. 
I   sleep   every   night   in   woolen   stockings   and 


/ 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  145 

knitted  bed  socks,  woolen  pajamas,  that  lovely 
light  blue  sweater  mother  made  for  me,  my 
Jaeger  sleeping  bag,  which  has  two  layers  over 
and  one  under,  and  then  three  folds  of  blanket 
on  top  of  all  that,  topped  off  by  my  heavy  bath- 
robe, all  this  on  me,  the  regular  old  hotbox  that 
I  always  used  to  be.  Well,  after  a  nice  warm 
night  in  all  that,  with  a  hot-water  bag  inside,  it 
is  not  the  nicest  thing  in  the  world  to  get  up  into 
an  utterly  imheated  room.  The  water  from  my 
hot-water  bag  makes  very  comfortable  bathing 
water  (for  all  the  bathing  that  I  do  then).  But  a 
few  vigorous  arm  exercises  start  up  my  blood 
enough  to  make  me  fairly  comfortable  by  the 
time  I  have  on  all  my  woollies.  Over  in  the  Mess 
hut  there  are  two  nice  little  coal  stoves,  which 
make  the  place  very  cheerful.  There  is  a  big  coal 
stove  in  all  our  sleeping  huts,  but  none  of  the 
heat  from  the  one  in  my  hut  can  get  as  far  as  my 
end  room.  I  hope  to  get  some  kind  of  an  oil 
stove  that  will  heat  things  up  a  bit.  I  now  have 
a  little  single-burner  coal-oil  lamp  on  which  I  can 
heat  a  small  kettle  of  water,  but  it  doesn't  do 
anything  in  the  way  of  heating. 

By  the  time  we  had  finished  breakfast  (bread 
and  butter,  coffee,  scrambled  eggs,  and  marmalade 
this  morning)  it  was  pouring,  so  we  all  ran  for 
our  raincoats  and  hats,  and  then  the  six  of  us. 
Miss  Taylor  and  I  and  the  two  day  and  two  night 


146  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

supervisors,  walked  down  to  my  office  in  the 
grand  stand.  There  the  batman  had  aheady 
started  my  tiny  stove  and  a  cheerful  little  heat 
was  beginning  to  make  itself  felt.  It  takes  about 
half  an  hour  or  more  to  read  about  the  admissions, 
discharges,  operations,  the  condition  of  all  the 
"S.  I.'s  "  (Seriously  111)  and  "D. I.'s"  (Dangerously 
HI),  and  to  hear  that  there  did  not  seem  to  be 
enough  blankets  for  the  outgoing  convoy,  many 
of  whom  were  stretcher  patients,  that  there  is 
difficulty  about  coal  for  some  of  the  tents  at 
night,  about  this  or  that  nurse's  good  work  when 
so  and  so  had  such  a  terrific  hemorrhage,  and 
that  an  incoming  convoy  is  just  being  unloaded, 
apparently  very  badly  wounded  cases,  but  no 
report  on  them  as  yet.  Then  the  day  supervisors 
go  off  to  their  lines  to  see  about  the  new  admis- 
sions, see  if  the  head  nurses  have  everything  they 
need,  tell  this  head  nurse  to  send  one  of  her 
assistants,  who  has  such  bad  chilblains  on  her 
hands  that  she  can't  do  the  surgical  dressings 
that  she  has  been  doing,  to  report  to  a  head  nurse 
on  one  of  the  medical  lines,  where  she  won't  have 
to  be  doing  quite  so  many  wet  things,  etc.  At 
nine  Capt.  Rainey,  the  acting  head  of  the  surgical 
side,  comes  for  the  written  report  that  the  Night 
Surgical  Supervisor  has  made  out  for  him  of  the 
most  important  cases.  Then  Major  Fischel  comes 
to  ask  about  sick  nurses.    We  had  told  one  nurse. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  147 

who  had  reported  a  sore  throat,  to  be  here  at  nine, 
and  she  was  and  was  examined  and  advised.  We 
had  heard  of  another  nurse  who  had  lost  her 
voice,  so  she  was  sent  for.  Miss  Taylor  got  her 
figures  of  number  of  nurses  on  duty,  number  of 
yesterday's  operations,  etc.,  ready  and  took  that 
and  our  big  Night  Report  to  the  C.  O.'s  oflBce  and 
came  back  to  check  up  her  list  of  the  new  S.  I.'s 
and  D.  I.'s,  to  all  of  whose  families  it  is  her  job 
to  write  a  personal  letter.  One  day  she  wrote  as 
many  as  25  of  these  letters.  She  had  been  out  for 
"last  hours"  yesterday,  so  there  were  a  number 
for  her  to  add  to  her  list.  The  official  telegram  is 
sent  to  all  families,  but  it  is  one  of  the  regular 
jobs  of  this  office  to  do  all  the  personal  corre- 
sponding with  families.  Miss  Taylor  has  learned 
to  use  a  typewriter  since  she  has  been  over  here 
and  can  write  very  fast  on  it.  She  does  not  like 
to  have  the  little  secretary  write  these  letters,  for 
she  often  sends  messages  from  the  boys  to  their 
families  and  likes  to  do  them  all  herself.  I  begin 
by  writing  my  regular  army  form  about  nurses  off 
duty.  Then  I  made  out  several  formal  communi- 
cations to  the  Colonel,  about  the  need  of  a  sink  in 
the  Nurses'  Mess,  the  need  of  a  special  new  hut 
for  sitting-room  purposes  for  my  104  women. 
We  now  have  just  the  12  feet  at  the  end  of  the 
Mess  Hall  which  is  quite  inadequate.  All  the 
other  hospitals  in  this  vicinity  have  special  sitting- 


148  FINDING  THEMSISLVES 

rooms,  and  I  am  going  to  keep  at  the  R.  E.'s 
(Royal  Engineers)  until  they  give  us  one. 

At  9 :  30  the  nurses  and  V.  A.  D.'s  begin  to 
come  up  from  the  lines  for  Red  Cross  supplies, 
which  are  handled  through  this  office  and  a  little 
supply  room  we  have  next  door.  Pajamas,  socks, 
mittenSj  old  linen  for  handkerchiefs  for  the 
patients,  oilcloth,  treasure  bags,  writing  paper, 
gramophone  needles  and  records,  rasstkfS,  shaving 
soap,  tobacco,  record  books,  magazines,  cologne 
for  rubbing  backs,  chewing-gum,  back  rests,  pic- 
ture puzzles,  cards,  draughts,  pipes,  toasting 
forks,  metal  polish,  brad  boards,  sweets,  irrigator 
cans,  etc.  All  these  things  are  actually  handled 
by  us,  not  all  the  time,  but  some  at  one  time  and 
some  at  another.  The  British  Red  Cross  sends 
us  these  supplies  on  our  requisition  every  week. 
This  morning  we  had  very  little  to  give  out,  for 
our  supplies  for  this  week  had  not  come.  We 
keep  store  only  from  9 :  30  to  10 :  30,  but  this 
morning  there  were  a  number  of  other  things  than 
supplies  that  various  nurses  wanted  to  see  me 
about.  A  V.  A.  D.  wanted  to  see  me  about  special 
leave  to  England  because  her  aunt  is  dying. 
Another  V.  A.  D.,  who  knows  better  and  should 
have  reported  at  9  a.m.,  came  to  tell  us  of  another 
bad  boil  on  her  arm  and  had  to  be  sent  to  the 
operating  room  and  Capt.  Rainey  looked  up. 
Several  wanted  to  know  if  they  could  go  to  a 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  149 

special  concert  to  be  given  in  a  neighboring  camp 
to-night.  The  general  invitation  to  all  had  come, 
but  had  not  been  posted,  or  these  need  not  have 
asked  for  permission.  Then  it  was  time  for  the 
mail,  which  was  huge  this  morning,  and  always 
has  to  be  sorted  in  this  office,  because  no  one  else 
knows  just  what  to  do  with  a  number  of  letters 
each  day  that  have  to  be  specially  looked  after. 
This  of  course  is  just  nurses'  mail.  We  still  get  a 
lot  of  mail  for  the  English  Sisters  who  were  here 
before  us.  We  often  get  many  letters  intended  for 
other  American  Units.  I  have  the  lists  of  nurses 
of  all  of  the  Units  that  are  with  the  B.  E.  F.  and 
can  readily  send  on  straying  letters.  We  have 
nurses  away  at  C.  C.  S.  and  some  in  the  Con- 
tagious Hospital  and  we  must  see  to  their  forward- 
ing. The  mail  this  morning  took  a  long  time. 
As  soon  as  it  is  sorted  it  is  sent  up  to  the  Mess, 
where  the  nurses  will  get  it  at  lunch  time.  My 
own  six  or  seven  personal  letters  I  could  not  look 
at  till  near  one. 

The  Red  Cross  Supplies  came  along  about 
11 :  50  and  had  to  be  put  away.  Miss  Taylor  had 
gone  down  to  the  lines  to  see  the  supervisors,  see 
how  we  needed  to  man  the  operating  room  for  the 
afternoon,  etc.  Simone,  the  little  secretary,  had 
been  helping  all  morning  with  supplies,  letters, 
etc.,  and  very  quickly  we  got  the  things  put 
away.  Then  a  sergeant  from  the  O.  C.'s  office  came 


150  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

to  ask  about  a  missing  package  of  "knickers  " 
which  should  have  arrived  from  London.  He  had 
found  it  and  had  that  too  dumped  in  my  office. 
As  it  contained  some  instruments  that  I  wanted 
right  away,  I  wanted  it  unpacked  here.  Then 
Phil  came  along  to  share  some  mail  with  us,  but 
I  told  him  he  would  have  to  come  back  later,  for 
it  was  just  time  for  the  O.  C.  to  come  for  this 
morning's  interview,  so  just  as  he  and  Ruth  C, 
who  had  also  dropped  by  to  tell  me  about  her 
wonderful  birthday  mail,  cleared  out,  along  came 
Major  Murphy.  There  were  several  matters  to 
take  up  with  him,  such  as  the  possible  removal 
of  a  bed  or  two  from  several  too^crowded  tents, 
the  matter  of  the  insufficient  blankets,  a  little 
misunderstanding  that  some  of  our  American  boys 
had  had  with  the  British  Y.  M.  C.  A.  people, 
about  which  the  latter  had  come  to  see  me  yester- 
day afternoon.  When  the  Major  left,  I  had  to  see 
about  some  notices  for  the  nurses  that  I  wanted 
them  to  read  at  their  lunch.  Miss  Taylor  came 
back,  Simone  went  off  for  her  lunch,  and  we  sat  a 
moment  or  two  and  looked  at  the  headlines  of 
the  two-sheet  Daily  Mail  and  Paris  N'.  F.  Herald 
and  read  our  home  letters. 

At  one  we  went  up  in  a  pouring  rain  to  our 
lunch.  We  had  baked  beans,  cold  bully  beef, 
which  is  canned  corn  beef  and  not  half  bad, 
lettuce  salad,  tea,  bread  and  butter,  and  cheese. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  151 

and  stewed  prunes.  Miss  Taylor  was  to  be  off 
from  1 :  30  to  4  :  30  to  go  down  town  to  do  some 
errands,  so  I  came  on  back  to  the  office  and 
started  some  accounts,  writing  of  checks,  etc. 
They  were  to  have  a  big  afternoon  in  the  oper- 
ating room,  but  all  was  working  out  smoothly. 
For  the  next  two  hours  I  worked  steadily  at  my 
desk,  acknowledging  supplies,  doing  accounts,  and 
writing  business  letters.  Simone  was  doing  all 
sorts  of  routine  things  for  us  on  her  typewriter. 
She  is  very  useful  and  saves  many  steps  as  well 
as  many  minutes.  Miss  Taylor  and  I  have  been 
trying  to  be  very  punctilious  about  going  off 
duty  these  days.  She  has  been  after  me  most 
severely,  and  the  only  way  to  keep  her  quiet  is  to  do 
as  she  says,  so  off  I  go  every  day,  alternating  her. 

Nov.  1,  1917. 

I  had  to  stop  on  my  account  of  day  before 
yesterday  before  I  had  finished  the  day.  At  five 
I  went  off  in  the  rain  with  the  Ford  with  one  of 
the  nurses  I  like  very  much  —  to  bring  some 
mail  and  things  to  our  isolated  nurses  in  the 
Contagious  Hospital  up  the  road.  (They  are 
diphtheria  carriers  —  three  of  them.)  On  the  way 
up  the  road  we  met  an  ambulance  convoy  bring- 
ing in  wounded  men.  There  must  have  been 
over  a  hundred  of  them  from  the  long  line  of 
ambulances.  And   passing  them,   marching  out. 


152  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

I  were  companies  of  men  walking  along  in  the 
I  mud  and  wet  and  thinking  of  course  that  that 
was  the  way  many,  many  of  these  would  be  com- 
ing back,  as  those  mangled  things  were  in  the 
ambulances.  One  can't  get  used  to  these  sights. 
It  chokes  me  every  time  I  see  the  men  march 
away.  We  can  always  tell  when  they  are  going 
to  the  front,  for  on  top  of  all  that  they  carry  on 
their  backs  is  a  little  white  bag  —  containing 
limited  rations. 

After  we  had  left  our  things  at  No.  25,  we  went 
on  down  town,  did  oiu*  errands,  left  a  gramophone 
to  be  repaired  for  one  of  the  wards  —  then  went 
into  the  Cathedral  for  the  evening  service  at  6. 
It  is  most  wonderful,  for  only  a  few  low  lights  are 
lighted,  and  the  shadowy  arches,  the  several 
hundred  kneeling  black  figures,  the  clear  tenor 
voice  of  the  priest,  who  sings  most  of  the  service, 
the  hundred  responses,  make  it  all  seem  like 
something  unreal  —  till  one  realizes  that  the 
imreal  part  is  that  it  seems  so  strange  ^nd  un- 
usual to  us,  for  there  have  been  going  on  just 
such  services  as  that  in  that  Cathedral  since 
before  America  was  discovered!  Many  of  us  go 
there  often  to  the  six  o'clock  services,  the  only 
trouble  is  that  one  gets  frozen  stiff  after  a 
few  minutes.  After  leaving  the  Cathedral  we 
wandered  about  the  little  narrow,  wet  streets, 
looking  into  windows,  —  clattering  along  in  our 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  153 

nailed  boots,  so  that  we  sound  like  soldiers  (but 
our  feet  are  dry,  though  the  streets  are  very  wet). 
Then  came  a  nice  supper  of  hot,  thick  soup,  steak, 
crisp  fried  potatoes  and  a  salad,  —  then  back  to 
the  camp  in  time  to  hear  the  evening  report  and 
see  the  night  supervisors  before  they  went  on 
duty.  That  evening  I  wrote  in  the  oflSce. 

To-day  is  Nov.  1st,  and  Phil's  birthday.  I  can 
imagine  how  you  all  are  thinking  about  him.  I 
am  going  to  play  somewhere  with  him  this  after- 
noon and  do  whatever  he  wants  to  do.  Yesterday 
I  could  hardly  speak  to  him  at  all,  I  was  so  busy 
ell  day.  At  5.30  I  went  with  him  for  three  fourths 
of  an  hour  to  hear  a  lecture  in  the  Y.  M.  C.  A. 
tent  —  It  was  by  that  fine  Dr.  Kelman  —  the 
Edinburgh  Presbyterian  minister,  who  has  been 
talking  in  the  U.  S.  He  spoke  on  "Why  America 
Is  in  the  War  "  —  spoke  most  wonderfully  —  to  the 
British  the  evening  before  when  I  was  in  town, 
and  Phil  could  not  go  because  he  wanted  to 
attend  a  medical  meeting  here  —  But  to-night 
we  will  have  dinner  down  town. 

Loads  and  loads  of  love, 

Julia. 

Nov.  2,  1917. 
Dearest  Mother :  — 

You  are  all  so  good  about  writing  —  I  cannot 
thank  you  enough  and  if  only  there  were  more 
free  hours  I'd  write  everybody,  but  I  just  can't. 


154  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

Our  hospital  again  is  almost  full  to  capacity, 
and  such  badly  hurt  men,  —  amputations,  two 
or  three  of  them,  every  day  out  of  sixteen  or 
seventeen  operations  every  afternoon.  Day  be- 
fore yesterday  they  had  a  man  on  the  operating 
table  before  they  decided  which  of  his  legs  they 
had  better  take  off !  Such  a  price  as  is  being 
paid  for  the  new  world  —  but  it  is  not  too  big 
to  make  the  new  world  and  liberty  and  peace  and 
brotherhood  and  democracy  mean  something. 
And  how  small  a  share  we  are  having  in  that  price 
and  how  we'd  give  more  if  we  could.  I  wish  E. 
wouldn't  think  that  anything  we  are  doing  is 
worthy  of  admiration  —  it  isn't  —  we  are  doing 
so  little.  We  love  being  here  and  would  not 
leave  our  jobs  for  anything  that  could  be  offered 
us.  I  am  writing  in  bed ;  it  is  very  late  but  I 
don't  feel  like  sleeping  yet.  It  is  very  comfortable 
here  in  my  little  bed  with  my  good  light  hanging 
beside  me.  The  light  is  such  a  comfort.  I  have 
bought  an  oil  stove  to  try  and  heat  this  room. 
I  think  it  will  make  things  more  comfortable. 

Please  tell  B.  the  music  she  sent  me  was  dandy 
—  the  Kreisler  piece  is  a  beauty.  I  cannot  play 
the  double  stops  well  yet,  but  I'll  do  better  with 
them  after  a  bit.  It's  a  stunning  thing  and  stays 
in  the  mind.  One  of  our  nurses  made  a  hit  at  a 
concert  for  the  privates  singing  "Over  There," 
which  was  new  to  us  all  here.  We'd  like  to  have 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  155 

all  the  patriotic  new  things  you  can  send  like 
"Goodby  Broadway,  Hello  France*'  —  we  haven't 
that  yet.  Tell  B.  I  love  the  College  news  and 
want  to  know  all  she  is  doing. 

Now  I  guess  I'd  better  try  to  sleep  a  bit.  I've 
had  a  lovely  time  talking  to  you.  God  keep  you 
all,  my  dear  ones. 

Julia. 

November  16,  1917. 

It  has  been  a  pretty  long  time  since  I  last 
wrote  a  regular  letter.  It  has  not  been  because 
we  were  so  terribly  busy,  for  in  the  last  ten  days 
our  census  has  come  down  a  little  and  things 
stopped  being  quite  as  strenuous  as  they  had 
been  since  the  first  of  October.  Sometimes,  how- 
ever, I  find  it  hard  to  write  and  I  put  it  off,  think- 
ing that  I'll  be  feeling  more  like  doing  it  the  next 
day.  I  usually  love  to  write.  These  last  few  days, 
however,  we  have  been  most  busy,  for  on  the  13th 
at  noon  we  had  notice  that  our  long-expected  31 
nurses  would  arrive  that  afternoon.  Capt.  John- 
ston and  I  went  down  to  meet  them,  leaving  the 
people  here  scurrying  around  trying  to  get  enough 
food  to  feed  all  those  extra  people  and  to  work 
out  the  plans  we  made  long  ago,  as  to  how  we 
would  house  them  until  the  V.  A.  D.'s  were  taken 
away. 

The  next  day  most  of  the  V.  A.  D.'s  were  taken 


156  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

away  to  the  different  hospitals  in  this  neighbor- 
hood, and  to-day  we  are  beginning  to  settle  down. 
The  details  of  the  records  that  are  necessary, 
both  for  the  outgoing  people  as  well  as  for  the 
new-comers,  have  been  very  numerous  and  compli- 
cated, but  Miss  Taylor  and  I  and  the  little  stenog- 
rapher have  put  things  through  in  fai/ly  rapid 
shape.  I  have  yet  many  payrolls  and  traveling 
expense  vouchers  and  pay  allotments  and  lists 
galore  to  attend  to,  but  the  most  immediate  and 
important  ones  are  finished. 

We  have  started  the  new  ladies  all  off  on  the 
wards  and  they  seem  very  much  interested  and 
thrilled  and  glad  to  be  here.  Since  it  is  almost 
three  months  since  they  left  St.  Louis,  they  are 
mighty  glad  to  arrive  somewhere  and  get  started 
1  to  work.  Poor  things,  they  have  to  go  through 
I  the  adjusting  that  we  all  had.  They  never  will 
get  used  to  some  things,  such  as  the  awful  wounds, 
the  appalling  cheeriness  of  the  men,  and  the 
sight  of  the  troops  marching  off  to  the  front. 

There  is  a  perfect  hubbub  outside  now,  for  the 
new  enlisted  men  who  arrived  to-day  with  the 
officers  are  celebrating  with  a  couple  of  drums. 
I  have  been  so  occupied  all  day  I  have  not  had  a 
chance  to  see  the  new  officers,  but  I  have  seen 
Dr.  Thomas  for  half  a  second.  So  E.  may  know 
that  her  package  will  doubtless  be  forthcoming 
pretty  soon. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  157 

One  of  my  children  has  just  been  in  here.  A 
little  while  ago  she  received  a  cable  that  her 
father  is  not  expected  to  live,  which  she  can't 
help  interpreting  to  mean  that  he  is  dead,  as 
she  does  not  think  her  family  would  have  cabled 
otherwise.  She  is  a  night  nurse  and  is,  of  course, 
going  right  on  with  her  work  to-night.  She  is  the 
first  of  our  group  to  whom  a  big  sorrow  has 
come.  Of  course,  we  all  know  they  must  come, 
but  when  they  do,  we  feel  so  far  away. 

I  have  been  making  many  speeches  this  week. 
Just  a  little  while  ago  I  had  a  long  talk  with  all 
my  American  nurses ;  then  of  course  I  had  to 
have  a  farewell  talk  with  the  V.  A.  D.'s ;  and  then 
all  the  poor  new  nurses  had  to  have  me  tell 
them,  not  rules  and  regulations,  for  they  can  read 
those  on  the  bulletin  board,  but  a  little  about 
the  way  we  all  feel  after  six  months  and  some 
of  the  processes  we  have  been  through,  which 
they  are  pretty  sure  to  have  to  go  through  too. 
It  is  very  curious  with  a  group  of  people  such  as 
I  have  here,  how  they  light  up  and  are  moved 
when  they  are  interpreted  to  themselves.  It  is 
the  greatest,  delight  to  me  to  try  to  make  them 
see  themselves  and  what  they  are  doing,  in  large 
terms.  I  try  to  fit  the  daily  trials  and  depressions 
and  difficulties,  and  the  way  they  take  them, 
into  their  right  place  in  their  sense  of  patriotism. 
I  tell  them  how  they  felt   when  they  were  at 


158  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

the  wonderful  service  at  the  Cathedral  at  home, 
ahd  at  places  where  the  bands  played  and  the 
flags  waved,  as  in  London,  and  such  places,  and 
then  I  try  to  show  them  how  their  daily  work 
can  be  a  part  of  such  feelings.  And  when  I  told 
them  of  the  change  that  had  come  over  most  of 
us  in  the  six  months  we  have  been  here,  I  sur- 
prised them  so  much.  I  told  them  we  had  come 
glad  to  pay  that  part  of  the  price  that  was  con- 
venient. We  had  been  quite  willing  to  give  say 
six  months'  service,  and  give  up  our  big  pay  for 
a  while,  and  to  stay  as  long  as  our  future  plans 
were  not  interfered  with,  and  as  long  as  our 
health  did  not  suffer,  and  so  long  as  it  really 
was  not  a  hardship  to  any  one.  But  I  had  seen 
the  change  coming  to  us  all,  that  a  bigger  price 
than  that  was  expected  of  us.  I  told  them  how 
proud  I  was  to  see  them  all  coming  to  the  con- 
clusion that  no  price  would  be  too  big  to  pay  for 
what  we  were  working  for.  I  told  them  of  the 
peace  that  I  knew  had  come  to  them  because 
individually  they  had  decided  that  their  future 
plans  did  not  count,  their  hopes  deferred  were  of 
no  importance,  or  their  health,  so  long  as  their 
efliciency  was  not  impaired,  or  their  families, 
or  their  salaries,  or  their  whole  lives. 

The  change  has  really  come.  It  has  been  most 
noticeable.  I  felt  it  in  myself  of  course,  and  no 
longer    am    restless    and    questioning.  And    the 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  159 

questions  of  so  many  that  came  to  me  for  the  j 
first  few  months  about  the  possible  length  of  I 
time,  etc.,  have  entirely  ceased.  About  two  weeks 
ago  I  had  to  tell  two  nurses,  for  whom  I  had  ap- 
plied for  discharge  after  six  months,  that  it  was 
refused.  One  was  to  go  home  to  be  married  and 
the  other  to  join  her  husband  whom  she  married 
one  hour  before  we  left  St.  Louis.  Both  were  so 
splendid  about  the  matter,  and  acted  as  though 
this  was  the  decision  that  they  themselves  would 
have  made;  I  was  most  impressed.  And  that  is 
the  spirit  of  the  whole  group.  Nurses  say  all  the 
time,  "I  couldn't  be  hired  to  go  home  now,  know- 
ing what  I  know  now."  Oh,  they  are  so  fine.  The 
new  group  seem  so  surprised  to  find  us  so  happy. 
They  also  seem  much  surprised  to  find  us  so  well 
oflF  for  food  and  general  conditions.  We  all  look 
more  husky  and  rosy-cheeked  and  fat  than  they 
do. 

I  am  going  to  send  this  much  along  with  Phil's, 
as  there  is  no  telling  when  I  can  continue.  The 
Gerard  book  and  "The  Chosen  People"  we  are 
glad  to  have.  Thank  you  so  much. 

With  loads  and  loads  of  love, 

Julia. 

Nov.  25,  1917. 

We  had  our  first  military  funeral  on  the  23d, 
for  our  little  boy  Sergeant  who  died  of  pneumonia. 


160  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

It  was  most  impressive.  At  two  o'clock  all  who 
could  be  spared  from  the  wards  assembled  in 
front  of  the  grand  stand.  The  procession  started 
there,  first  the  group  of  sergeants  who  were 
honorary  pallbearers,  then  all  the  Officers,  then 
American  enlisted  men,  then  British  enlisted 
men,  then  about  fifty  blue-coated  nurses.  We 
marched  in  twos  down  to  the  mortuary  and  lined 
up  along  the  road ;  then  the  quaint  French  hearse, 
driven  by  a  man  in  a  three-cornered  hat,  was 
driven  through  the  long  line  of  his  friends.  His 
brother,  a  little  private  from  the  Canadian  Army, 
accompanied  by  one  of  our  men,  walked  just 
behind,  and  the  six  active  pallbearers,  his  best 
friends,  walked  on  the  two  sides.  Then  we  all 
fell  in  and  marched  the  mile  through  the  mud  to 
the  military  cemetery.  It  is  just  a  big  field,  nearly 
filled  with  small  wooden  crosses,  each  bearing  the 
name  of  a  soldier.  Ours  was  the  first  American 
laid  there.  The  two  padres  were  waiting  for  us 
in  their  surplices,  the  dearly  loved  British  clergy- 
man. Dr.  Page,  and  our  new  young  American, 
Mr.  Taylor,  who  came  to  relieve  Dean  Davis. 
This  special  place  has  been  set  apart  for  Americans. 
It  is  a  lovely,  quiet  place  outside  the  wall  of  an 
old  French  burying-place.  Far  off  to  the  West 
were  the  blue,  blue  hills  that  are  on  the  other 
side  of  Rouen,  and  nearer  a  long  double  row  of 
bare,  black  poplars.  And  near  were  the  rows  and 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  161 

rows  of  others  who  had  given  their  all  and  gone 
on  before.  One  could  almost  feel  a  welcoming 
stir  as  we  laid  our  first  American  among  them. 
A  little  group  of  French  people  had  gathered  to 
see  what  had  brought  so  large  a  cortege  to  a 
place  where  there  are  daily  interments  and  where 
every  day  the  firing  squad  gives  the  last  salute 
for  the  brave  boys  from  our  hospitals.  The  beau- 
tiful words  of  the  service  had  new  meaning  to 
them.  Then  the  salute  from  the  firing  squad, 
and  "Taps"  from  the  bugler.  While  the  oflScers 
and  most  of  the  nurses  marched  away,  his  Masonic 
"brothers,"  led  by  our  Rabbi,  held  their  symbolic 
ceremony.  There  were  many  flowers,  weird  French 
wreaths,  which  were  hung  all  over  the  outside  of 
the  hearse  when  it  left  the  mortuary.  If  only 
Evart's  mother  could  have  been  here,  it  would 
have  comforted  her  to  feel  the  love  and  respect 
of  all  his  friends  and  to  see  the  quiet,  lovely 
place  where  he  is  laid  to  rest. 

We  know  that  both  the  American  groups  have 
been  most  fortunate  to  have  had  no  deaths  be- 
fore this.  In  the  natural  course  of  events  they 
are  bound  to  come,  and  to  have  our  first  not  till 
after  six  months  have  passed  since  we  left  home, 
was  not  to  be  expected.  We  will  have  others, 
but  oh,  if  I  could  only  bring  all  my  nurses  back 
home  safe  to  their  families !  Of  course,  it  can't 
be,  some  will  have  to  be  sent  back  because  of  ill 


162  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

health ;  there  is  a  question  about  the  lungs  of  one 
I  now,  and  some  we  shall  have  to  leave  behind.  It 
/  is  a  fearful  thing  to  have  the  responsibility  of  one 
\    hundred  women  so  far  away  from  home.  Some- 
times it  all  seems  so  much,  too  much  for  me,  — 
their  health,  their  happiness,  their  reputation  and 
morals,  their  general  safety  and  welfare.  I  try 
to  remember  that  the  responsibility  is  not  all 
mine.  There   are   strong   men   helping   me,    but 
they  only  have  the  important  things  to  attend 
to  about  them;    I  have  the  accumulation  of  all 
the  little  things  as  well. 

All  our  recently  received  patients  have  been 
so  tremendously  elated  and  excited  about  the 
advances  made  towards  Cambrai.  It  has  been 
wonderful  to  see  their  enthusiasm.  We  have  been 
quite  busy  taking  care  of  the  poor  things,  71 
operations  in  48  hours,  a  couple  of  days  ago.  It 
has  been  raining  again,  and  such  a  wind  and  rain 
storm  as  we  had  all  last  night  and  this  morning, 
but  this  afternoon  it  cleared  up  beautifully  and  is 
very  cold. 

A  few  days  ago  an  interesting  little  incident 
occurred.  There  was  a  knock  at  my  office  door. 
When  I  opened  it,  there  was  a  patient  in  his 
clumsy  blue  suit,  steadying  himself  against  the 
wall.  "Can  you  tell  me  where  I  can  find  the 
Matron  ?"  he  said.  "Yes,  right  here,"  I  answered. 
**I  am  the  Matron.    What  can  I  do  for  you  ?  "  He 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  163 

was  so  wobbly  he  almost  had  to  lean  up  against 
the  wall.  "Somebody  told  me,'*  he  said,  "that 
you  had  a  violin.  I  am  a  professional  violinist 
and  I  have  not  touched  a  violin  for  five  months, 
and  to-day  I  couldn't  stand  it  any  longer,  so  I 
got  up  out  of  bed  to  come  and  find  you."  I  made 
him  come  in  and  sit  down.  As  it  happened  I  had 
a  new  violin  and  bow,  which  had  been  bought  for 
our  embryo  orchestra,  here  in  my  oflSce.  The 
violin  was  not  tuned  up,  but  that  didn't  matter. 
The  man  had  it  in  shape  in  no  time  and  then  he 
began  to  play,  and  how  he  could  play !  We  let 
him  take  the  violin  down  to  his  tent,  and  later  I 
sent  him  some  of  my  music.  He  was  a  shell 
shock,  and  all  the  evening  and  the  next  few  days 
until  he  was  sent  to  England  he  played  to  wrapt 
audiences  of  fellow  patients.  In  our  wards  we 
have  lots  of  kinds  of  music,  from  gramophones 
to  comb-iind-tissue-paper  bands.  The  men  are 
keen  about  anything  that  makes  a  tune.  A  lot 
of  harmonicas  would  be  a  great  blessing. 

We  had  such  a  wonderful  lot  of  letters  this 
morning.  I  got  12  and  Phil  9.  I  had  four  from 
Mother  —  October  29,  November  1,  and  No- 
vember 8,  and  I  forget  the  other  date,  as  Phil 
has  it  with  him.  We  had  a  wonderful  time  read- 
ing each  other's  mail.  I  could  not  finish  until  way 
into  the  afternoon,  I  had  so  many  things  to  do. 
Letters  do  make  such  a  difference.  I  was  so  glad 


164  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

all  these  came  this  a.m.,  for  it  is  very  cold  and 

We  admitted  250  patients  at  noon,   but  letters 

will  comiteract  most  anything.  Somebody  wrote 

in  the  only  copy  of  the  Survey  I  have  seen  since 

i  I  left  home  that  the  two  things  that  did  troops 

j  the  most  good  were  letters  and  singing,  and  it  is 

1  true  about  nurses  too.  Speaking  of  singing,  can 

you  send  me  some  copies  of  the  new  Army  and 

Navy  Song  Book  —  say  2  or  3  dozen,  if  they 

are   not   too   expensive,   or   more   if   possible?  I 

have  100  women,  but  of  course  we  never  can  all 

get  together  at  one  time.  The  October  6th  Survey 

mentioned  that  book  as  excellent.  I'll  answer  the 

letters   soon.  They   were   wonderful   and   full   of 

juicy  bits.  You  are  all  so  very,  very  dear  to  write 

so  much  and  your  letters  make  such  a  difference. 

Phil  has  his  "Board"  to-morrow  and  will  soon 

know  what  is  to  happen  to  him. 

Lovingly, 

Julia. 

December  8,  1917. 

Dearest  Dad  and  Mother :  — 

I  wonder  if  this  will  reach  you  before  Christ- 
mas, if  so  it  brings  you  all  my  love.  It  is  just 
beastly  not  being  able  to  send  presents,  but  we 
found  so  few  things  that  were  not  dutiable  and 
worth  the  trouble  you'd  have  to  take,  so  hardly 
any  one  in  the  Unit  is  sending  gifts.   I  have  been 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  165 

writing  notes  and  letters  as  much  as  I  could,  but 
I  have  not  sent  half  on  my  list,  for  I  have  been 
feeling  quite  badly  the  past  week  and  for  the 
past  three  days  have  been  in  bed.  It's  just  an 
inflammation  or  infection  in  my  trachea,  —  not 
really  bronchitis  but  quite  an  acute  affair  which 
has  made  me  very  sick.  I  have  been  having 
wonderful  care  here  in  my  own  room  and  people 
are  just  spoiling  me.  Steam  and  benzoin  inhala- 
tions have  done  me  the  most  good.  Major  Fischel 
and  Lieut.  Praetz,  the  throat  specialist,  have  been 
seeing  me  every  day  and  I  am  about  to  be  well, 
and  hope  to  be  up  to-morrow.  It  began  with 
terrific  hoarseness  and  the  trouble  has  stayed 
below  my  throat,  and  also  there  has  been  a  bad 
cold  in  my  head,  —  but  with  chills  and  a  little 
fever;  it  might  have  been  much  worse  if  I  had 
not  had  such  good  care.  It  has  been  very  cold 
and  damp  and  many  of  my  poor  children  have 
had  very  bad  colds  and  coughs.  I  was  awfully 
embarrassed  to  have  to  go  and  do  likewise.  My 
cough  is  much  better,  and  I  really  don't  feel  as  sick 
to-day  as  I  did  yesterday  and  before. 

Ruth  has  been  doing  so  much  for  me  and  look- 
ing after  me  and  lots  of  others  too.  Phil  is  here 
beside  me  now,  reading.  E.'s  eiderdown  jacket 
came  just  in  the  nick  of  time,  and  I've  looked 
very  smart  in  it,  my  Jaeger  bag  and  darker  brown 
blanket.  My  little  oil  stove  has  made  the  room 


166  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

quite  comfortable  (for  me  in  bed) ;  not  so  much 
so  for  my  callers,  as  the  floor  is  quite  cold.  Every- 
thing was  frozen  solid  yesterday  morning,  —  I 
mean  fire-buckets,  etc.,  but  to-day  is  milder  and 
I'm  not  needing  the  stove  at  all  this  afternoon. 
1!  have  been  showered  with  flowers  and  books  and 
all  sorts  of  things,  but  I  am  keen  to  get  up. 

To-day  Miss  Taylor  brought  a  lot  of  mail,  a 
few  letters,  and  packages  of  all  sorts.  It's  being 
very  hard  to  keep  track  of  all  the  things  that  are 
being  sent  to  us.  I  am  trying  to  keep  a  list.  It 
is  down  in  the  oflBice  now.  But  lots  of  strangers, 
are  sending  things.  Some  day  I'll  write  you  a 
story  about  missionary  barrels !  But  I'll  sm*ely 
send  you  a  list  of  things  that  have  been  sent. 
We  do  appreciate  gifts  here,  but,  oh  Mother, 
some  have  been  so  funny,  and  never  in  the  whole 
of  our  lives  have  we  seen  so  much  candy  and 
chocolate. 

This  is  not  a  good  preamble  to  say  thanks  for 
your  dear  things  which  have  been  so  thoughtful. 
The  white  cap  and  wristlets  came  to-day  and  are 
wonderful,  so  soft  and  nice.  I  shall  very  probably 
wear  the  cap  nights.  I  have  been  using  one  of 
the  khaki  crocheted  caps  you  sent  Phil  as  a 
sample  and  model  for  some  dark  blue  ones  for 
my  nurses.  I  am  having  them  made  in  town. 
They  must  be  dark  blue  to  be  uniform  and  to 
go  with  the  dark  blue  sweaters.  My  night  nurses* 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  167 

heads  nearly  freeze.  Phil  let  me  have  two  of  the 
brown  caps  right  away  till  I  can  get  blue  ones 
made.  I  am  having  my  two  night  supervisors 
wear  them.  Just  think,  they  are  out  of  doors 
these  freezing  nights  practically  the  whole  twelve 
hours.  You  see  they  go  from  tent  to  tent  and 
all  over  the  place,  looking  after  the  sickest  and 
the  dying  patients  and  helping  the  nurses  any 
way  they  can.  Often  it  is  just  comforting  the 
nurses  that  is  their  main  job.  Night  before  last 
on  one  line  two  men  died  suddenly  almost  at  the 
same  moment  and  the  poor  little  nurse  could 
hardly  stand  it,  but  the  supervisor  just  had  to 
comfort  and  brace,  as  well  as  help  physically. 
These  supervisors  have  a  hut  to  go  into  where 
all  the  night  nurses  have  suppers  and  where  there 
IS  a  little  stove.  They  write  their  reports  there, 
but  it  is  almost  twelve  solid  hours  out  of  doors 
every  night  for  a  month.  We  have  them  all 
bundled  up  with  gaiters  and  knickers  and  two  or 
three  sweaters  and  caps  and  coats  and  mittens, 
but  they  do  get  chilled  through.  If  you  want  to 
knit  us  some  regulation  wristlets  with  a  hole  for 
the  thumb,  please  do.  We  need  lots  of  them. 
They  can  be  either  gray  or  dark  blue.  Our  nurses 
are  not  wearing  anything  on  duty  that  isn't 
gray  or  dark  blue.  The  sweaters  were  too  awful 
until  this  rule  went  out,  lavender,  old  rose,  yellow, 
green,  dirty  white,  etc. 


168  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

Well,  so  much  for  caps,  —  you  could  send  us 
more  of  those  too,  if  you  want  to,  or  mufflers, 
all  gray  or  dark  blue,  preferably  dark  blue.  The 
wristlets  with  thumb  holes  can  be  worn  working 
and  the  fingers  are  left  free.  I've  knitted  several 
pairs  here  myself. 

Well,  to  return  to  presents.  The  Cross  hand- 
kerchief case  with  the  beauty  handkerchiefs  also 
came  and  I  just  love  them.  They  are  so  dainty 
and  wonderful  and  so  unsuitable  for  active  service 
that  I  know  that  is  the  reason  you  sent  them 
and  I'm  so  glad.  I  shall  use  them  too,  and  not 
let  them  get  lost  and  they'll  be  so  inappropriate 
held  in  a  gray-mittened  hand  mopping  a  frozen 
nose,  but  so  nice!  I  have  a  weenty  bottle  of 
rose  perfume  that  L.  put  in  my  medicine  case, 
—  I'm  sure  for  just  such  a  contingency ! 

We  love  your  letters  so  much.  The  Nov.  1st  one 
with  all  its  inclosures  was  fine. 

We  are  so  glad  people  are  sending  us  things  for 
our  men  for  Christmas.  Oh,  they  need  them  so 
badly,  the  poor,  poor  things,  and  we  want  them 
to  have  a  wonderful  Christmas,  and  they  are 
sure  to.  For  many  of  our  friends  are  sending  us 
things  or  money  for  them.  The  underwear  I  have 
heard  from,  from  Paris,  and  it  ought  to  arrive 
soon.  The  OuUook  has  begim  to  come  and  is 
fine.  We  shall  enjoy  that  tremendously,  for  it 
condenses  things  for  us  in  a  way  we  need.  I  could 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  169 

use  some  more  bed-socks,  high  ones.  We  have  to 
wear  them  in  bed,  and  I  find  that  by  putting  the 
pajama  leg  inside  the  sock,  my  legs  and  feet  are 
very  comfortable.  I'd  like  them  to  come  nearly 
to  the  knees ;  any  color  will  do. 

We  were  so  glad  to  know  about  your  service 
flag.  I  wish  we  could  have  a  picture  of  it,  as  we 
don't  know  what  it  is  like.  The  cold  cream  you 
sent  I  wanted  very  much.  I  have  to  use  quantities 
of  it  to  keep  from  chapping,  and  we  can't  get  any 
glycerine  over  here.  Some  of  my  nurses  have  such 
dreadfully  chilblained  hands  and  feet,  and  they 
are  so  painful. 

D.'s  letters  are  very  interesting.  Please  thank 
her  for  them.  I  just  can't  write  and  answer  them 
all.  You've  no  idea  how  many  strangers  I  have 
to  write  to,  —  in  the  States,  I  mean,  —  answering 
questions  and  acknowledging  gifts;  but  I  just 
love  to  get  the  letters  from  the  girls;  I  can't 
write  them  often.  I'm  snowed  under  now  with 
letters  that  need  to  be  answered. 

You  must  think  of  us  over  here  as  having  one 
of  the  happiest  Christmases  possible.  Our  work 
is  pitiful,  but  we  are  at  peace  in  our  hearts  and 
very  happy  to  be  here.  I  never  felt  so  at  peace 
and  quiet  in  my^  mind.  We  have  a  very  big  and 
vital  work  to  do  right  here  and  that  is  enough, 
and  we  are  blessed  beyond  all  words  to  be  here 
and  able  to  do  it. 


170  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

\  I  believe  there  is  more  real  peace  on  earth  in 
■  men's  and  women's  hearts  now  in  the  midst  of 
this  world  turmoil  than  has  ever  been  known 
before.  No  one  should  be  sorry  for  us,  for  any 
of  us  who  are  here  in  connection  with  the  army. 
You  can't  be  sorry  enough  for  the  wounded  and 
sick,  but  most  of  them  too  are  very  peaceful, 
undisturbed,  and  unafraid.  Oh  I  wish  I  could  tell 
you  what  all  this  is  meaning,  as  I  see  it.  Maybe 
some  day  I  can,  for  every  day  I  am  seeing  things 
more  clearly,  but  as  yet  I  can't  write  it  all  down, 
I  —  after  a  while  perhaps.  We  talk  about  it,  from 
i  time  to  time,  some  of  us,  every  once  in  a  while, 
J  and  oh,  dear  people,  no  greater  thing  can  ever 
j  come  into  any  one's  life  than  this  chance  of  ours, 
I  —  to  get  away  from  little  things  and  self  and  to 
know  what  the  things  of  the  Spirit  are,  and  what 
true  values  really  are. 

A  happy  Christmas  to  you  all  and  oh,  so  much 
love.  I  can't  bear  to  stop  writing  when  I  think 
that  this  will  reach  you  at  Christmas  time.  (Phil 
is  going  to  Paris  to-morrow  and  may  not  be  back 
by  Christmas.)  But  together  or  apart,  we'll  be 
thinking  of  you  all  and  praying  to  God  to  spare 
you  till  we  can  s^e  you  again.  But  if  it  can't  be 
that  way,  it  won't  matter  so  much,  for  if  any  one 
of  you  goes  on  before,  you  will  be  just  so  much 
nearer  to  us,  for  you  will  understand  the  end  from 
the  beginning  and  be  content  as  you  watch  how 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  171 

we  fight  our  fight,  and  we'll  feel  your  nearness 
and  get  strength  and  comfort  from  it,  and  there 
won't  be  anything  but  complete  love  and  under- 
standing between  us.  It  is  going  to  be  a  long 
time  before  we  come  home,  but  it  doesn't  matter, 
miles  make  no  difference.  You  are  wonderful,  and 
we,  of  course,  must  be  wonderful  too. 

I  believe  this  will  be  one  of  your  happiest 
Christmases,  as  it  is  ours. 

Good-night,  good-night,  dear  ones, 

Julia. 

Dec.  15,  1917. 

My  little  Corona  has  come  back  from  London 
where  it  went  to  be  cleaned  and  I  feel  as  though 
an  old  and  dear  friend  had  come  back.  It's  a  cold 
Saturday  night.  Up  in  the  Mess  nurses  are  mak- 
ing Christmas  stockings,  one  thousand  of  them, 
so  that  they  can  be  filled  with  all  kinds  of  nice 
little  things  that  we  are  receiving  from  all  over 
the  country,  and  be  given,  one  to  each  man  on 
Christmas  morning.  It  really  is  quite  a  job  for 
each  nurse  to  make  ten  stockings,  but  they  are 
getting  done.  The  hospital  is  not  quite  so  heavy 
as  it  has  been  very  steadily  all  autumn,  and 
temporarily,  at  least,  the  pressure  has  let  up  a  bit. 
I  have  sent  five  nurses  away  on  leave.  After  six 
months'  service  each  nurse  is  entitled  to  15  days' 
leave  with  pay,  but  up  to  now  we  have  not  been 


172  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

able  to  spare  the  nurses,  for  we  have  always  a 
few  who  are  sick.  I  have  six  sick  ones  over  in  the 
Sick  Sisters'  Hospital  now,  but  if  things  stay  as 
they  are  now,  I  won't  have  to  send  for  the  ones 
who  are  on  leave.  My  sick  ladies  are  not  very 
sick.  One  has  an  infected  finger,  another  an  in- 
fected big  toe,  and  the  others  have  slight  fevers, 
or  very  bad  colds  which  are  really  the  grippe. 
It  is  such  a  blessing  that  we  have  such  a  splendid 
place  to  send  our  sick  nurses. 

To-night  I  want  to  tell  you  a  bit  about  gifts 
and  givers.  All  the  mail  for  the  nurses  has  to  be 
brought  to  my  office  to  be  sorted  again :  some  to 
be  forwarded  to  English  sisters  or  V.  A.  D.'s  who 
have  left,  some  to  be  taken  out  to  be  brought  up 
to  the  Sick  Sisters,  some  to  be  put  away  until 
those  on  leave  return,  and  some  to  be  hunted  up 
on  lists  and  forwarded  if  possible.  A  man  brings 
the  papers  and  packages  in  large  sacks.  Some- 
timeg  there  have  been  three  or  four  sacks  full  on 
the  same  day.  He  empties  them  on  the  floor  and 
Miss  Taylor  and  I  sort  it  out.  I  wish  you  could 
see  what  we  have  had  here  on  the  floor.  There 
have  been  jam,  coffee  beans,  and  pounds  of 
ground  coffee,  lump  sugar  and  granulated  sugar, 
cocoa  and  chocolate  by  the  pound,  hard  candies 
and  soft  candies,  cookies,  and  fruit  cake,  chewing 
gum,  cigarettes,  woolen  underwear,  shoes,  knitted 
things,  magazines  without  wrappings  or  covers. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  173 

bits  of  glass  bottles,  letters  without  envelopes, 
talcum  powder,  Christmas  cards  "with  love  from 
Aunt  Mary,"  "Merry  Christmas  and  don't  for- 
get me,"  from  John  H.  Jones,  Jr.,  Kansas  City, 
or  Roanoke,  Va.,  and  toothpaste.  You  just  ought 
to  see  what  a  tube  of  pink  toothpaste  can  do  to 
a  bag  of  mail,  but  the  worst  of  all  were  the  jam 
and  the  talcum  powder.  You  would  not  believe 
that  a  large  can  of  Colgate's  talcum  powder 
could  break  right  in  two,  but  I  have  seen  two  of 
them  broken  clean  through  the  middle.  And  as 
for  the  comfort  bags  for  soldiers,  you  ought  to 
see  the  way  some  of  those  have  arrived,  sans 
paper,  sans  string,  together  just  because  the 
things  were  in  a  bag  and  the  address  was  tied  to 
the  bag  string.  Cardboard  boxes  never  arrive 
intact.  Tin  containers  get  stove  in.  (I  don't  know 
the  past  participle  of  that  word,  maybe  it's 
stiven.)  If  a  tin  box  with  sharp  edges  is  nicely 
wrapped  in  paper,  it  is  apt  to  arrive  without  the 
paper,  which  the  sharp  edges  have  worn  through. 
Even  wooden  boxes  are  frequently  broken.  Every- 
thing is  crushed  and  then  of  course  the  strings 
come  off  and  the  contents  begin  to  shake  out. 
The  long,  long  journey  is  what  does  the  damage, 
the  many  weeks  of  rubbing  and  shaking.  A  five- 
pound  box  of  Maillard's  candy  packed  in  a  round 
tin  box,  arrived  for  me  the  other  day  without 
the  cover  of  the  tin  box  and  with  the  cover  of 


174  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

the  inside  box  broken,  the  candy  just  protected 
by  the  tinfoil  inside.  But  not  a  piece  was  missing. 
There  really  have  been  very  few  instances  where 
we  have  not  been  able  to  identify  the  person  for 
whom  the  package  was  meant,  but  sometimes,  I 
can  assure  you  it  has  taken  considerable  ingenuity. 

The  British  and  the  Australians  have  discovered 
that  the  best  way  to  insure  the  arrival  intact  of 
any  article  is  to  put  it  in  a  box  and  then  sew  it 
up  in  cloth.  If  it  gets  mashed  or  jammed  or 
"stove  in,"  the  contents  are  very  likely  to  remain 
inside  the  cloth  covering.  Just  ordinary  heavy 
unbleached  muslin  does  beautifully.  I'd  hate  to 
have  Dad  know  how  his  lovely  electric  pad  arrived, 
or  E.  her  pretty  brown  bed-jacket.  Magazines  and 
papers  should  be  rolled  and  wrapped  and  tied 
around  and  through.  The  parcel  post  is  the 
quickest  and  safest  and  entirely  the  most  con- 
venient way  for  us  to  receive  things.  For  express 
packages  we  have  to  go  to  town  and  usually  pay 
charges,  even  if  they  have  been  paid  before. 
And  express  is  very  slow. 

People  are  sending  us  wonderful  things.  We 
really  are  being  too  awfully  spoiled  and  are  getting 
so  much  more  than  we  deserve.  Fortunately  lots 
of  people  are  sending  us  things  for  our  patients' 
Christmas,  which  is  what  we  like  best  of  all.  But 
oh  the  acknowledging !  I  really  am  so  swamped 
with  the  list  I  have  already  made  of  strangers  to 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  175 

whom  I  must  write,  I  have  decided  to  use  a 
regular  form  letter  and  have  Simone  write  this 
for  me  on  the  typewriter.  I  am  sure  people  will 
forgive  me;  they  would  if  they  knew  what  a  lot 
I  have  to  write  and  how  little  free  time  I  really 
have.  Here  in  the  office  daytimes  there  are  things 
to  be  done  every  minute.  I  have  been  trying  for  a 
week  to  get  my  accounts  ready  to  be  audited,  just 
merely  to  put  the  receipts  by  months,  and  I  have 
not  had  a  chance  till  late  this  afternoon,  and  then 
I  was  interrupted  a  dozen  times,  once  to  take  a 
sister  of  a  very  sick  patient  down  to  the  lines  to 
see  him.  She  had  just  come  from  England.  On 
the  way  down  she  said,  "My,  but  this  is  different 
to  London,  but  give  me  London."  Other  times  I 
had  to  stop  to  give  knitted  caps  to  nurses.  I 
have  just  had  some  made  here  in  Rouen.  Another 
time  it  was  to  help  a  Y.  M.  C.  A.  worker  look  up 
a  patient's  record,  another  time  to  let  a  little 
night  nurse  tell  me  about  a  patient  who  had  died 
on  her  line  last  night,  and  how  he  had  said  to 
her,  "Sister,  stay  with  me,"  and  she  had  sat 
beside  him  and  held  his  hand,  and  how  she  wouldn't 
have  missed  this  opportunity  of  working  with  the 
English  for  anything  in  the  world,  and  although 
she  has  a  cough  which  hangs  on  pretty  long  she 
is  feeling  fine  and  well  and  just  loves  night  duty 
here,  the  nights  are  so  wonderful,  and  last  night 
the  searchlights  on  the  clouds  were  most  beauti- 


176  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

/  ful  and  gave  one  such  a  feeling  of  protection. 

1  She's  a  little,  slender,  25-year  old  Virginian  with 

j  such    a    pretty   speech.   Such    are   the   constant 
interruptions,  but  they  are  of  course  what  I  am 

!  here  for,  just  such  interruptions. 

And  now  I  want  to  tell  you  a  little  about  givers. 
To  begin  with,  there  was  an  old  lady  in  an  Old 
Ladies'  Home  in  St.  Louis  who  wrote  to  ask  if 
she  might  make  for  me  and  my  patients  some 
bookmarks  with  verses  on  them.  Of  course  I 
wrote  back  that  she  could.  After  a  while  along 
came  a  box  of  about  a  dozen  long  ribbon  book- 
marks, all  the  colors  of  the  rainbow,  with  cross- 
stitched  verses  on  them  like  "God  is  love,"  "Be 
of  good  cheer."  I  got  a  wounded  soldier  that  I 
knew  pretty  well  to  write  her  the  best  note  of 
thanks  he  knew  how,  and  I  have  since  heard 
from  her  that  she  received  his  letter  and  felt 
fully  rewarded  for  her  pains.  The  padre  said  he 
would  help  distribute  some  of  them.  I  saw  the 
soldier's  letter.  It  was  quite  typical  and  was  full 
of  such  expressions  as  "fed  up  with,"  "carry 
on,"  "stick  it,"  "Blighty,"  etc.,  and  I  am  sure 
would  be  a  real  object  of  interest  and  curiosity  at 
the  Old  Ladies'  Home! 

Then  there  was  the  King's  Daughters  of  Pilgrim 
Church,  dear  kind  people,  who  sent  40  lbs.  of 
sweet  chocolate  to  Ruth  and  me,  also  I  don't 
know  how  many  pounds  of  coffee.  The  chocolate 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  177 

was  in  four  ten-pound  cakes :  delicious  chocolate 
about  two  feet  long^  a  foot  wide,  and  two  inches 
thick,  Hershey's.  We've  givfen  it  away  in  hunks. 
Nobody  in  all  the  world  ever  saw  such  cakes  of 
chocolate.  We  pounded  it  up,  or  rather  cracked 
it  up  with  a  hammer,  and  many  people  enjoyed  it. 
R.  never  can  have  too  much.  I  have  another  5 
lbs.  of  sweet  chocolate  unopened  as  yet  (Maillard's), 
put  away  for  the  time  when  rations  fail  us.  There 
is  also  a  three-pound  box  of  Chicago  candy  in 
storage  on  my  shelf.  We'll  eat  it  all  after  a  while, 
you  may  be  sure.  Then  the  fruit  cakes,  such 
wonders.  Mr.  C.  sent  some  simply  perfect  ones 
to  both  R.  and  me,  and  I  have  another  from 
Scruggs  in  St.  Louis  being  saved.  People  are  so 
dear.  Mrs.  H.'s  box  of  salted  nuts,  dates,  and 
raisins  struck  a  most  popular  chord,  they  were 
such  good  things.  A  dear  Jewish  lady  in  St.  Louis 
who  hardly  knew  me  at  all  sent  a  box  of  cookies 
and  little  cakes,  which  didn't  arrive  in  very  good 
condition,  as  they  were  all  in  crumbs,  but  wasn't 
it  kind  of  her.'*  We  feel  like  missionaries  getting 
barrels.  The  Sorosis  Carol  Club's  comfort  bags 
have  been  coming  and  coming.  They  are  now 
stacked  up  in  my  sitting-room  waiting  till  Christ- 
mas, when  they  are  going  to  give  lots  of  pleasure 
to  sick  boys,  who  are  so  much  like  little  children. 
Think  of  a  whole  tent-full  of  men  howling  to  have 
some  powder  put  on  their  backs  because  a  nurse 

N 


178  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

had  just  put  some  on  a  very  sick  man's  back 
when  she  was  rubbing  his  back  for  him.  I  have  a 
letter  to-day  that  the  St.  Louis  Comforts  Com- 
mittee of  the  U.  S.  Navy  League  is  sending  us 
100  wristlets.  Well,  we  can  use  them. 

It  is  snowing  to-day  (Sunday  the  16th)  and  you 
can't  imagine  how  lovely  the  camp  looks.  It  is 
very  cold.  But  I  think  all  my  people  are  warmly 
enough  dressed.  They  are  funny-looking  nurses 
and  noi  much  like  the  fancy  pictures  of  nurses, 
as  they  paddle  around  to-day.  They  have  on 
round,  blue,  tight-fitting  knitted  caps,  sweaters, 
and  wristlets,  gray  dresses  and  aprons.  Some 
have  on  their  rain-coats  and  rubber  boots,  and 
some  have  on  leather  gaiters  and  heavy  boots. 
They  all  have  knickerbockers  under  their  uni- 
forms, and  some,  I  know,  have  knitted  sleeveless 
Jimmy  shirts  on  top  of  two  sets  of  underwear. 
But  they  are  as  happy  as  can  be  and  make  all 
sorts  of  fun  about  being  sewed  up  for  the  winter 
and  not  needing  to  brush  their  hair  if  they  keep 
their  little  caps  on  both  night  and  day,  as  many  do. 

Getting  up  in  the  mornings  is  great.  The  fires 
have  just  been  started  and  have  not  heated  things 
up  a  bit  and  frost  is  all  over  everything,  and  it 
is  a  real  stunt  to  get  dressed.  Over  in  the  Mess 
at  breakfast  sometimes  the  nurses  eat  with  gloves 
on.  But  soon  the  two  little  stoves  warm  things 
up,  and  groups  gather  aroimd  each  fire  to  make 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  179 

toast,  "just  to  get  the  frost  out  of  the  bread,"  as 
one  said  this  morning.  Then  they  bundle  up  and 
go  chattering  down  to  the  Hues  to  look  after  their 
boys.  The  tents  are  really  quite  cozy  when  they 
are  shut  up  tight,  but  the  air  in  them  gets  very 
bad.  The  night  nurses  have  the  hardest  time 
because  they  can't  move  around  so  much  and 
they  find  it  hard  to  keep  warm,  but  the  Night 
Supervisors  make  hot  cocoa  and  toast  for  them 
in  the  Night  Duty  Hut  over  their  little  stove 
there,  and  give  each  nurse  a  chance  to  get  warmed 
up  about  foiu*  o'clock  in  the  morning.  They  have 
a  hot  supper  in  the  Hut  at  midnight.  We  have  a 
big  basket  of  food  sent  down  from  the  Mess  each 
evening  and  one  nurse  who  is  "Jane"  for  a  week 
at  a  time  prepares  it  and  makes  coffee.  It  is  no 
end  primitive,  for  they  have  no  running  water 
and  just  a  tiny  stove  and  an  oil  lamp,  but  I  bought 
some  pretty  dishes  for  them  and  they  seem  to 
enjoy  their  night  suppers  very  much.  When  the 
doctors  operate  late,  they  drop  in  for  a  bite  too. 
Many,  many  nights  the  nurses  have  scarcely  a 
moment  in  which  to  eat.  They  can't  always  be 
relieved  by  a  supervisor  or  another  nurse,  and 
may  have  to  leave  their  lines  in  charge  of  the 
orderly  while  they  go  to  eat.  But  almost  every 
nurse  likes  night  duty,  the  nights  are  so  beautiful 
and  so  varying  and  the  experiences  are  so  vivid. 
But  to  go  back  to  gifts  and  givers.  The  packages 


180  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

for  soldiers  are  waiting  to  go  into  stockings.  The 
Washington  University  nurses  sent  such  nice  boxes 
to  all  of  us  W.  U.  people,  —  sleeveless  sweaters, 
bed  socks,  nuts,  candies,  and  nut  cake,  with 
coffee  and  chocolate.  A  stranger  who  had  heard 
some  of  my  letters  is  sending  a  gramophone.  Maga- 
zines and  notes  and  cards  galore  come  all  the  time. 
People  are  so  good.  And  we  are  just  being  spoiled. 
We  have  heard  of  lots  of  other  things  on  the  way. 
I  am  just  worried  that  I  will  neglect  to  make  a 
note  of  some  of  these  things  that  come  and  the 
kind  giver  won't  know  how  much  pleasure  and 
happiness  the  gift  has  brought. 

I  suppose  most  of  you  have  read  Donald 
Hankey's  book  "A  Student  in  Arms."  We  have 
had  a  lot  of  discussion  about  the  chapter  called 
"Discipline  and  Leadership."  The  Major  says 
he  has  changed  his  point  of  view  entirely  since 
he  has  been  in  the  army,  and  now  he  agrees  with 
the  book  entirely.  I  have  not  reached  that  point 
as  yet.  I  am  sure  that  I  must  be  wrong,  but  I 
can't  get  away  from  the  feeling  that  you  can  do 
the  most  with  people  when  you  appeal  to  the 
best  in  them,  and  don't  insist  on  discipline  for 
discipline's  sake.  Army  life  is  altogether  different 
from  civihan  Hfe,  and  what  held  there  does  not 
hold  here.  But  in  my  dealings  with  the  nurses  I 
am  probably  on  the  wrong  tack,  and  will  un- 
doubtedly come  a  cropper  before  we  get   back 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  181 

because  my  discipline  has  not  been  rigid  enough, 
and  IVe  been  getting  results  because  of  my 
"personality"  rather  than  because  of  my  "orders." 
It  is  an  interesting  matter  for  discussion. 

This  letter  has  grown  to  be  very  long  because 
it  has  rambled  all  over  the  field.  It  must  call  a 
halt  now,  for  soon  it  will  be  time  to  have  supper, 
then  practise  hymns  for  Christmas  Eve. 

J. 

Dec.  28,  1917. 

The  wind  is  swirlin.g  and  howling  outside  and 
it  is  very  cold,  about  the  coldest  day  we've  had, 
I  think.  I  have  put  a  little  table  over  nearer  the 
stove  than  my  big  desk-table  is  and  here  a  couple 
of  feet  away  from  the  fire,  the  heat  is  quite  notice- 
able. It's  an  amusing  sight  to  see  Miss  Taylor 
and  me  doing  our  work  down  here  mornings  with 
mittens  on.  With  those  nice  fingerless  ones,  we 
can  typewrite  or  write  most  comfortably.  It's 
the  wind  that  is  making  things  so  cold  this  eve- 
ning. Not  that  it  has  been  warm  on  the  days  when 
there  was  no  wind,  for  it  has  been  for  over  two 
weeks  that  some  fire  buckets  in  my  sitting-room 
have  been  solid  ice.  Useful  in  case  of  fire,  I  can 
hear  some  one  say.  Yes,  but  to-day  some  chemical 
fire  extinguishers,  that  I  have  been  making  a 
big  howl  for,  have  arrived  upon  the  scene  and  I 
shall  sleep  more  peacefully,  for  oiu*  huts  are  like 


182  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

match-boxes.  Every  morning  the  water  in  our 
pitchers  is  frozen  and  the  ink  in  fountain  pens. 
We  have  to  jerk  our  tooth-brushes  out  of  the 
glasses  and  pry  the  soap  off  of  the  soap-dishes. 
In  the  Mess,  our  drinking-water  bottles  have 
ice  in  them,  like  the  Waldorf.  There  is  one  story 
that  some  believe  and  some  don't,  but  the  nurse 
swears  it  is  true,  and  that  is  —  that  her  hot- water 
bottle  was  frozen  solid  in  the  morning  in  her  bed. 
I  asked  about  it  and  learned  that  it  had  been 
placed  outside  her  sleeping  bag  and  had  slipped 
down  to  the  foot  of  the  bed  where  the  blankets 
were  loose,  but  it  was  frozen.  It  is  most  amusing 
the  howls  one  hears  in  the  mornings ;  it  is  so  hard 
to  get  up.  The  fires  don't  get  things  warmed  up 
a  bit,  for  a  long  time,  and  it  is  like  getting  up  out 
of  doors.  We  all  have  schemes  about  how  to  dress 
at  night  so  that  dressing  in  the  morning  will 
necessitate  the  least  exposure  and  the  least  chang- 
ing. It  is  awfully  funny  and  doesn't  hurt  us  a 
bit.  The  chilblains  hurt  and  are  awful,  but  heroic 
treatment  helps.  There  are  parades  of  barefoot 
ladies  who  go  and  walk  in  the  snow  nights,  then 
come  in  and  rub  and  roar;  then  there  are  the 
cold-water  foot  baths,  which  are  said  to  be  worse 
than  the  snow  treatment.  Occasionally  a  day  or 
two  off  duty  is  necessary  for  very  bad  hands  or 
feet.  Almost  everybody  wears  two  pairs  of  woolen 
stockings   and   monstrous    shoes,    and   oh!    the 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  183 

money  that  is  being  spent  on  having  shoes  made 
to  order  —  very  high  ones  with  extra  thick  soles. 
But  on  the  whole  a  stranger  would  think  our  group 
looks  mighty  fat  and  well.  There  are  a  lot  of 
coughs  that  hang  on.  To-day,  for  instance,  out 
of  my  99  women,  I  have  just  three  off  duty  sick, 

—  one  has  an  infected  thumb ;  another  an  in- 
fected toe;  and  the  third,  poor  dear,  has  been 
having  a  painful  attack.  But  at  home  in  steam- 
heated  apartments,  we  could  not  do  better  than 
that.  Some  dear  lambs  walk  with  a  good  deal  of 
a  limp  when  they  first  go  on  duty  in  the  morn- 
ings, but  as  the  days  progress  their  feet  feel  better. 
I  have  been  awfully  lucky,  though  I  came  near 
getting  some  trouble  started.  I  walked  downtown 
with  Major  Veeder  last  Sunday,  when  we  were 
going  down  to  dinner,  and  that  night  the  balls 
of  my  feet  and  the  heels  got  very  burning  and 
swollen,  but  vigorous  treatment  stopped  the 
trouble. 

This  is  a  very  quiet  Sunday  —  Dec.  30th,  1917, 

—  and  every  nurse  is  having  a  full  half  day 
off  duty.  We  have  over  eight  hundred  patients, 
but  there  are  not  so  very  many  that  are  desper- 
ately sick.  I  want  to  tell  you  all  about  our  wonder- 
ful Christmas  and  I  hope  I  won't  be  much  dis- 
turbed, for  I  am  in  the  office,  as  Miss  Taylor  is 
off  duty.  The  nurses  and  doctors,  helped  by  a 
few  home  gifts,  raised  about  $600  to   be  spent 


184  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

for  Christmas.  About  $200  of  that,  it  was  decided, 
was  to  go  to  some  Rouen  charity  for  children. 
So  one  cold  day.  Major  Murphy,  Major  Veeder, 
and  I  went  to  look  up  the  names  of  some  philan- 
thropic organizations  that  had  been  given  us  by 
the  Mayor.  I  forgot  to  say  that  the  first  move 
was  a  call  that  Major  Veeder  and  I  made  on  the 
Mayor  to  get  a  list  of  the  accredited  charities. 
You  would  have  been  amused  and  proud  ( ?)  to 
hear  me  explain  in  slow  and  careful  French  who 
we  were  and  what  we  wanted.  But  I  got  it  over, 
and  the  list  was  sent  us  with  many  respectful 
salutations.  When  we  visited  some  of  the  societies 
on  the  list,  we  had  a  most  interesting  time.  We 
three  would  take  turns  in  speaking  the  French 
and  explaining  what  we  wanted.  We'd  rehearse 
on  the  front  door  steps  like  so  many  kids.  We 
visited  a  refuge  for  little  boys  —  such  a  poor, 
bare  place,  managed  by  a  priest  and  some  sisters ; 
then  a  sort  of  industrial  school;  then  the  office 
of  the  Society  for  the  care  of  war  orphans.  Here 
we  got  the  names  of  ten  families  to  which  we 
could  send  special  New  Year's  baskets.  We  de- 
cided to  give  something  to  each  of  these  societies, 
and,  in  all,  spend  about  $200.  There  has  been 
lots  of  fun  about  the  baskets,  for  the  doctors 
auctioned  off  the  privilege  of  having  a  family, 
and  with  each  family  there  went  the  name  of  a 
nurse  who  was  to  help.  Many  of  the  families 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  185 

got  visited  yesterday,  and  baskets  of  clothes 
and  toys  and  food  were  purchased,  and  on 
New  Year's  morning,  they  are  going  to  be 
delivered. 

Then  for  our  patients,  we  bought  pork,  extra, 
for  their  dinner,  and  beer.  The  English  Govern- 
ment sent  them  plum  puddings.  We  wanted  turkey 
or  chicken,  but  found  we  could  not  afford  it  for 
so  many.  But  they  loved  the  pork.  We  had  been 
making  fancy  Christmas  stockings  for  days,  and 
a  committee,  of  which  Ruth  Cobb  was  chairman, 
had  been  having  a  very  bad  time  trying  to  buy 
and  get  delivered  enough  supplies  to  fill  them. 
There  had  been  great  fun  filling  them.  We  had 
requisitioned  all  the  candy  and  cigarettes  we 
could  from  the  officers,  and  we  got  them  to  help 
fill,  so  by  Christmas  Eve,  when  we  had  about 
750  filled,  we  thought  we  were  quite  safe,  as  a 
great  many  patients  had  been  sent  out,  but  that 
evening  we  were  notified  to  be  prepared  to  receive 
two  convoys  of  a  himdred  each,  during  the  night. 
The  Committee  almost  wept,  but  they  got  very 
busy  and  by  10  o'clock  on  Christmas  morning 
every  patient  in  the  hospital  had  received  a  stock- 
ing with  fruit,  tobacco,  candies,  nuts,  and  some 
kind  of  a  present  in  it.  Only  one  of  the  convoys 
had  arrived  by  noon  —  the  other  one  got  delayed 
somewhere.  The  patients  were  just  like  little  boys 
with  their  stockings,  and  the  nurses  had  just  as 


186  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

much  fun  with  them  as  though  they  had  been. 
The  one-armed  men  could  not  untie  the  necks  of 
their  stockings,  which  had  to  be  tied  up  tight, 
and  so  their  shouts  all  through  those  tents :  "Oh, 
Sister,  come  and  snip  mine  next."  The  Sisters 
dashed  around,  snipping  and  untying  and  pulling 
snappers  and  fitting  on  paper  caps.  The  British 
Red  Cross  sent  us  a  lot  of  decorations  and  things 
we  could  use  for  the  stockings,  and  the  Australian 
Red  Cross  gave  some  money  as  did  the  American 
Red  Cross.  The  boxes  the  St.  Louis  Chapter 
of  the  American  Red  Cross  sent  for  the  Unit 
have  not  arrived  yet. 

Now  about  the  singing  on  Christmas  Eve, 
which  was  the  loveliest  part  of  the  whole  Christ- 
mas to  me.  At  8 :  15  about  50  bundled-up  nurses 
left  the  quarters  and  walked  down  across  the 
snow,  each  carrying  her  candle  lantern.  It  was 
the  loveliest  sight,  for  the  night  was  perfect.  It 
was  not  too  cold  and  the  snow  made  everything 
so  bright.  I  had  my  violin  to  start  them  with 
and  keep  them  on  the  key.  We  began  at  one  corner 
of  the  camp  and  just  as  soon  as  we  had  started 
we  were  joined  by  all  the  officers  and  a  number 
of  the  enlisted  men,  and  soon  up-patients  gathered 
around  too,  so  as  we  went  from  place  to  place 
between  the  lines  of  tents  we  must  have  been  a 
crowd  of  over  200  people.  I  wish  you  could  have 
seen  what  I  saw.  I  knew  the  tunes  so  well  I  could 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  187 

watch  the  others  as  I  played.  Officers  and  nurses, 
and  patients  and  nurses  looking  together  over 
one  sheet  of  words  (we  had  had  the  words  mimeo- 
graphed, for  we  have  only  two  hymn  books  of  the 
same  kind),  while  one  of  them  held  the  lantern 
so  that  the  light  fell  on  the  paper.  And  all  were 
singing  so  intently  and  so  happily.  One  group  of 
patients,  who  said  they  wanted  to  learn  those 
"Yankee  tunes,"  pushed  and  shoved  to  be  by  me 
every  time  because  they  said  they  wanted  to  be 
near  the  "band."  We  sang  —  "Oh,  Come,  All 
Ye  Faithful."  That  everybody  knew ;  and  "Hark, 
the  Herald  Angels,"  and  "It  Came  upon  the 
Midnight  Clear,"  and  "Oh,  Little  Town  of 
Bethlehem,"  and  "Holy  Night,  Silent  Night."  ,. 
We  sang  in  eight  places.  It  is  something  I  shall  • 
never  forget  if  I  live  to  be  a  hundred,  and  I  imagine 
a  good  many  felt  the  same  way.  If  there  only 
were  some  other  way  we  could  have  community 
singing.  There  is  nothing  like  it.  I  was  worn  to 
a  frazzle  afterwards,  but  it  was  worth  any  amount 
of  effort.  The  night  nurses  said  the  patients  loved 
it,  only  there  was  not  enough  of  it,  though  we 
sang  for  an  hour  and  a  half  all  together. 

After  the  singing  we  in  our  hut  had  a  little 
hut  party.  We  had  a  little  Christmas  tree,  with 
fool  presents  on  it  for  each  one  of  us  with  a  rhyme. 
You  don't  know  what  lovely  tree  decorations 
can  be  made  out  of  the  silver-foil  out  of  candy 


188  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

boxes ;  a  bit  of  gilt  fringe  which  was  carefully 
raveled  was  a  great  find.  We  had  a  nice  little 
family  party,  ending  with  cocoa  and  little  cookies ; 
then  parted  for  the  night.  At  midnight  Ruth  and 
I  went  with  a  group  of  the  Catholic  nurses  over 
across  the  road  to  the  midnight  service  in  their 
chapel. 

Christmas  night  we  had  a  party  in  our  Mess  for 
just  our  American  oflScers  and  nurses.  The  Mess 
had  been  beautifully  decorated  with  holly  and 
greens  and  we  had  our  dinner  early  (4  and  5), 
so  that  all  the  tables  could  be  taken  out  and  a 
stage  set.  Three  or  four  of  the  doctors  and  a 
couple  of  nurses  acted  a  little  burlesque  which 
they  adapted  from  something  they  saw  in  Punch, 
It  was  full  of  local  hits  and  was  very  amusing  and 
clever.  Then  we  had  a  monologue  by  another 
of  the  doctors,  which  was  very  good ;  then  some 
songs  by  another  doctor.  Do  you  know  "Joan 
of  Arc,  They  are  Calling  You"  ?  That  was  one  of 
them.  Then  came  the  "Army  Alphabet"  written 
by  two  of  the  nurses  and  read  by  me.  It  wound 
up  with  a  scene  about  "U  is  us  as  we  used  to  be" 
and  gave  a  chance  for  a  bunch  of  pretty  girls 
to  dress  up  in  mufti,  and  how  pretty  they  did 
look  after  all  this  somber  uniform  stuff.  They 
had  a  little  business  about  going  to  say  good-by 
to  a  friend  of  theirs  who  was  just  off  for  France 
as  a  nurse,  then  when  I  got  to  — 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  189 

"Y*s  for  the  years  and  years  till  we've  done, 
When  we've  healed  every  Tommy  and  killed  every 

Hun, 
Then  old  and  decrepit  and  wrinkled  and  gray. 
To  America's  shores  we'll  wend  our  way. 
They  set  dogs  on  old  *  Rip '  — 
He  was  gone  twenty  years  — 
Oh,  what  will  they  do  — 
When  this  Unit  appears  ?" 

Then  they  had  a  scene  to  show  how  we  would 
appear.  It  was  killingly  funny  and  brought  down 
the  house.  Then  we  wound  up  with  a  dance. 
Lots  of  the  group  said  it  was  the  nicest  Christmas 
they  could  possibly  imagine.  I  was  so  glad,  for 
it  might  have  been  so  different,  for  Christmas  is 
a  lonesome  time  and  nobody  had  time  to  be 
lonesome  here.  We  have  not  had  any  mail  for 
ages.  Some  packages  came  through  the  week 
before  Christmas,  but  I  have  had  no  letters 
from  the  States  since  those  that  came  written 
about  November  24th.  We  keep  hoping  every 
day  that  a  big  batch  will  arrive. 

All  the  hospitals  around  us  are  entertaining  a 
lot  this  week.  They  are  having  "at  Homes" 
or  concerts  or  little  plays,  and  there  seems  to  be 
something  doing  every  afternoon  or  evening. 
It  is  an  awfully  good  thing,  and  I  really  suppose 
we  ought  to  give  some  sort  of  an  affair  here,  but 
how  I  don't  want  to ! 


190  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

Now  good  night  and  loads  and  loads  of  love  to 
you  all,  you  very  dear  ones.  The  Red  Cross  card 
Mother  sent  nearly  broke  me  up,  —  especially 
what  she  wrote  on  the  back. 

Jule. 

January  22,  1918. 

I  have  just  realized  that  it  is  about  three  weeks 
sinc^^  I  last  wrote.  I  don't  know  how  it  happened 
to  be  o  long,  except  that  I  guess  there  has  not 
been  very  much  of  special  interest  to  say.  I  have 
not  done  all  my  thanking  for  Christmas  presents 
yet  and  I  have  been  getting  along  with  those 
little  by  little  and  so  had  not  noticed  that  I  had 
not  written  a  regular  for  so  long.  The  past  two 
weeks  have  been  very  mild,  in  great  contrast  to 
the  month  before.  The  warmish,  damp  weather 
has  not  been  any  too  good  for  the  general  health 
of  the  group,  for  we  have  continued  to  have  a  good 
deal  of  the  '*flue,"  as  the  British  call  the  influenza. 
But  the  chilblains  are  all  better. 

The  hospital  has  continued  to  have  about  the 
same  number  of  patients  right  along.  We  vary 
between  eight  and  ten  hundred,  sending  out  some 
every  day  and  getting  in  convoys  nearly  every 
night.  We  get  such  a  lot  of  medical  cases  now  and 
such  a  lot  of  trench  feet,  which  are  such  dreadful 
things.  They  are  the  result  of  wet  and  cold  and 
are  often   very   serious.  They  are   very  painful 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  191 

and  sometimes  result  in  gangrene.  To-day  one 
poor  lad  had  to  be  told  that  he  would  have  to 
lose  both  feet  because  of  this  trouble,  and  he  is 
simply  crushed.  To-morrow  he  will  buck  up, 
but  to-night  it  seems  too  much  to  be  borne.  We 
have  some  terribly  sick  men,  but  not  so  large  a 
proportion  of  them  as  awhile  ago.  I  am  sending 
as  many  nurses  away  for  their  leave  as  I  possibly 
can  while  the  work  is  not  so  dreadfully  heavy. 
I  have  had  about  thirty  away  for  their  fifteen 
days  already.  Ruth  Cobb  is  in  Paris  now  with 
Miss  Watkins.  Most  of  the  nurses  go  to  Paris. 
Three  have  been  down  to  Cannes,  but  they  were 
sent  through  the  British  authorities.  In  a  few 
days  my  splendid  assistant  is  going  to  Paris  with 
three  of  her  pals.  I  shall  miss  her  very  much  as 
she  is  a  wonderful  right-hand  man,  and  one  I 
depend  on  a  lot.  After  she  gets  back,  which  will 
be  Feb.  8th,  I  expect  to  go  for  my  leave.  I  am 
planning  to  go  to  London,  for  I  want  to  see  Eliza- 
beth M.  and  I  want  to  get  away  from  nurses. 
I  could  not  do  that  in  Paris,  nor  at  Cannes,  nor 
at  Mentone ;  besides  which  I  don't  want  to  go  to 
any  of  those  places  alone,  and  I  can't  go  very  well 
with  any  nurses,  from  here.  So  it's  London  for 
me.  I  don't  mind  the  Channel  trip,  nor  possi- 
bilities of  air  raids,  nor  bad  weather. 

I  find  I  am  right  tired  though  it  is  not  from  hard, 
physical  work  of  any  kind,  for  I  certainly  am 


192  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

not  doing  that.  I  guess  it  is  from  responsibility, 
and  more  or  less  of  a  long-continued  strain. 
Anyway  a  change  will  do  me  good.  We  all  get 
fifteen  days  every  six  months  if  we  can  manage 
it.  You  see  we  are  all  overdue  here,  and  there 
are  so  many  of  us  I  can't  possibly  get  around 
before  the  second  fifteen  days  will  be  due.  I  will 
cable  from  London  some  time  while  I  am  there 
just  to  let  you  know  I  am  there  safely. 

More  strange  gifts  still  come  along.  ...  I 
am  not  properly  grateful  for  cast-off  clothes,  I'm 
afraid,  especially  when  they  are  fiung  at  one 
without  a  word.  However,  I  ought  to  be  ashamed 
to  growl.  But  so  many,  many  people  have  been 
so  wonderfully  good  to  us  and  have  sent  us  such 
superlative  things  with  dear  notes  saying  that 
the  best  was  none  too  good  for  us,  I  am  afraid  we 
are  plain  spoiled. 

You  can't  imagine  what  fun  we  have  talking 
about  what  we  will  do  first  when  we  get  home. 
It  is  a  favorite  game.  Some  want  theaters,  some 
want  real  concerts,  like  symphonies,  some  want 
warm,  marble  bath-rooms,  some  great  big  soft 
beds,  some  lovely  fluffy  evening  clothes,  some 
automobile  rides  in  parks,  some  ice-cream.  A 
whole  lot  want  some  kind  of  bread  stuffs,  muffins, 
biscuits,  popovers,  waffles,  pancakes.  That  is 
what  I  want  among  other  things,  but  most  of 
all  I  want  to  see  my  family  and  my  friends.  The 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  193 

days  go  by  rapidly,  but  it  seems  years  since  we 
left,  and  it  is  going  to  be  a  long,  long  time  before 
we  get  home.  We  play  games  at  the  table  about 
the  food,  pretending  that  it  is  something  else. 
We  have  awfully  good  food  considering,  but  of 
course  it  gets  monotonous  and  tiresome,  and  one 
needs  to  be  good  and  hungry  all  the  time  to  enjoy 
it.  But  most  of  us  are  very  hungry  at  meal-times 
and  have  good  appetites ;  it  is  when  you  are  a 
bit  off  yorn-  feed  you  think  how  nice  it  would 
be  to  have  some  good  milk  toast  with  real  butter, 
real  milk,  and  real  bread.  To-day,  for  instance, 
I'll  tell  you  what  our  food  was.  Breakfast :  good 
oatmeal  with  boiled  milk  and  sugar,  coffee, 
war  bread,  which  one  of  the  group  toasted  before 
the  fire  for  our  table,  "bacon"  the  eternal,  which 
is  fried  ham,  and  not  very  good.  Lunch :  a 
kind  of  meat  loaf,  rice,  with  cheese  (which  we 
have  about  every  other  day),  bread  and  butter, 
cocoa,  and  stewed  figs,  stewed  without  sugar. 
With  the  meat  and  rice  was  creamed  yellow  turnip. 
Dinner :  brown  meat  and  gravy,  boiled  potatoes 
and  beets,  coffee  and  a  kind  of  chocolate  bread- 
pudding,  which  somebody  said  was  bread  soaked 
in  left-over  cocoa.  This  really  was  not  a  very 
good  day  for  food,  but  you  see  it  was  all  nourish- 
ing, and  it  was  cooked  well,  but  it  is  not  fancy. 
After  lunches  and  dinners  like  that,  if  we  have 
some  candy  or  fruit  cake  in  our  rooms,  we  go  and 
o 


194  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

have  some  of  that  for  dessert.  Mother's  box  from 
Charles  with  all  the  fancy  things  for  a  tea-party 
came  yesterday.  It  had  been  opened  and  not  very 
well  repacked,  so  that  the  crackers  and  cookies 
were  a  bit  the  worse  for  the  journey,  but  I  think 
I  can  freshen  them  up.  It  is  queer  that  any  one 
should  have  found  it  necessary  to  open  a  box  of 
crackers  to  see  what  it  contained. 

The  music  E.  sent  and  the  songs  that  Mother 
sent  all  came  safely  and  I  am  so  glad  to  have  it 
all.  Sunday  night  I  had  a  beautiful  time  with 
one  of  the  nurses,  playing  through  the  new  book 
of  duets.  The  new  songs  are  being  used  constantly. 
Mrs.  McB.'s  box  of  books  arrived  this  week  after 
its  long  wanderings.  It  was  most  welcome.  The 
books  are  already  giving  the  greatest  pleasure. 
I  have  already  read  three  of  them  myself.  Even 
the  doctors  come  to  me  for  books  every  now  and 
then,  so  it  is  fine  to  have  some  good  ones  on  hand 
to  lend  to  them  as  well  as  the  nurses. 

I  see  Phil  every  once  in  a  while.  He  was  down 
last  night  at  a  little  dance  in  our  mess  which  I 
did  not  attend.  I  have  learned  both  the  onestep 
and  the  foxtrot  over  here  in  my  old  age!  I  was 
down  to  dinner  twice  the  week  before  with  him. 
It  is  very  pleasant  to  walk  down  with  him  late  in 
the  afternoon,  wander  around  a  little,  get  a  good 
dinner,  then  walk  back  again,  talking  over  all 
the  latest  news  from  letters  or  camp  gossip.  He 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  195 

seems  to  be  enjoying  his  work  at  No.  25  Sta- 
tionary Hospital  very  much,  though  he  does  not 
find  the  work  at  all  arduous. 

This  is  a  very  dull  letter,  but  it  is  meant  to  tell 
you  that  we  are  all  "carrying  on"  as  usual,  are 
all  "in  the  pink"  and  feeling  "champion."  A 
few  of  our  number  have  been  a  bit  "seedy,"  but 
are  "going  on  fine."  We  are  all  wondering  "where 
do  we  go  from  here,"  but  rumor  says  that  we  won't 
be  moved  before  Summer,  which  we  hope  is  true. 
We  have  very  few  among  us  who  are  "grousers," 
but  even  they  would  not  Hke  to  leave  this  place. 

Tell  Elsie,  please,  that  I  use  her  brown  jacket 
every  night  and  it  is  the  nicest  thing.  I  don't 
need  anything  for  my  sitting-room  now  that  it 
is  so  comfortable  and  attractive.  It  has  a  little 
coal  stove  in  it  now,  which  makes  it  awfully  nice 
for  evenings.  I  am  not  there  much  in  the  day- 
times except  for  French  lessons.  I  am  always 
having  some  flowers  there,  people  are  so  nice.  I 
have  some  white  lilacs  ( ! )  there  now  —  lovely 
forced  things  that  are  really  sweet. 

It  is  getting  late  and  I  must  beat  it  to  bed. 
I'll  try  to  write  sooner  this  next  time. 

With  loads  and  loads  of  love, 

Jule. 

Dad's  letter  dated  Dec.  25th  is  the  latest  I 
have  heard  from   you,  I  think.    A  nice  letter 


196  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

from  Isabelle  dated  Dec.  13th  arrived  a  few  days 
ago. 

Feb.  6,  1918. 

A  draft  of  men  is  marching  by  singing  and 
whistKng  and  shouting,  which  shows  us  that 
they  are  off  to  the  front,  for  that  is  the  way  the 
troops  leave  to  go  to  the  trenches.  I  am  very 
tired  and  spunkless  to-night,  and  I  haven't  any 
lofty  thoughts  and  inspirations,  for  the  needs  of 
the  flesh  are  seeming  to  predominate,  and  what 
I  want  more  than  anything  else  is  a  wonderful  hot 
bath  in  a  beautiful  warm  bathroom,  and  then  such 
a  long  sleep  in  a  beautiful  big  bed,  where  I  can- 
not hear  any  bugle-calls,  any  breakfast  bells,  any 
coughing  nurses,  or  anything  except  perhaps 
soothing,  joyriding  automobiles.  You  can  see 
my  state  of  mind.  Miss  Taylor  has  been  away  on 
her  leave  for  almost  a  fortnight,  which  has  meant 
that  things  have  been  a  good  deal  harder  tor  me, 
even  though  I  have  had  a  very  capable  nurse  to 
assist  me  in  the  office.  But  I  am  edgy  and  irri- 
table and  need  to  get  away  myself. 

We  have  had  a  lot  of  perplexities  to  deal  with, 
and  I  have  needed  to  use  continuous  alertness 
of  mind  to  keep  up  with  the  details.  For  instance, 
it  requires  five  separate  papers  for  each  nurse 
who  goes  on  leave,  and  I  have  had  fifteen  gone 
at  a  time  for  over  two  months,  the  group  changing 
every  day  or  so,  and  I  must  see  that  every  paper 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  197 

IS  correct  or  something  will  go  wrong;  the  Ford 
won't  be  there  to  take  them  to  the  train,  they 
won't  have  the  papers  which  enable  them  to  get 
the  military  fare  on  the  train,  or  they  won't  have 
the  proper  form  of  request  for  a  new  serge  um'- 
form  which  they  can  order  and  get  fitted  in  Paris, 
or  they  will  arrive  back  at  the  station  with  a 
heavy  suitcase  and  no  way  of  getting  home  except 
with  much  diflSculty ;  or  some  one  won't  be  sched- 
uled to  take  their  work  in  the  wards,  or  they  won't 
have  received  their  salary  before  they  left,  or 
they  have  not  told  at  which  hotel  they  were  plan- 
ning to  stay,  etc.  etc. 

Ah  well,  I  will  be  a  much  nicer  person  when  I 
get  back  from  my  leave.  I  am  due  to  go  on  the 
11th  to  London  to  be  with  Elizabeth  M. 

The  present  group  that  are  on  leave,  at  least 
most  of  them,  had  the  experience  of  being  in  a 
bombed  city.  Ruth  was  there  and  thought  it  all 
most  interesting.  Their  hotel  was  near  enough 
to  the  bombed  district  to  make  the  experience 
unforgetable*  although  they  were  not  in  any  way 
alarmed  or  hurt. 

Will  Elsie  please  thank  little  Alice  for  her  fine 
letter  ?  I  didn't  know  that  she  could  write  so  well 
and  use  such  big  words.  I  hope  she  will  write 
me  again  soon.  I  am  crazy  about  my  Httle  service 
flag.  It  is  quite  a  curiosity  here.  The  cold  you 
have  had  over  there  has  been  far  worse  than  ours. 


IdB  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

So  far  we  have  had  only  about  a  month  of  really 
cold  weather.  Some  of  my  Jewish  nurses  —  I  have 
three  or  four  —  were  much  interested  in  the 
"Chosen  People."  I  am  so  glad  that  there  is  a 
chance  of  Dad's  getting  the  song-books  for  us. 
We  had  a  great  sing  a  week  ago  Sunday  evening, 
only  such  hymns !  regular  revival  ones. 

It  is  late  and  I  must  get  to  bed.  I  do  feel 
your  love  and  I  need  it  so  much. 

Loads  and  loads  of  love. 

Feb.  10,  1918. 

It  is  a  glorious,  sunny,  mild.  Springy  day  here. 
The  patients  who  can  walk  are  crawling  out  into 
the  sun.  Many  beds  have  been  carried  out  so 
that  some  of  the  sickest  may  have  the  benefit 
of  the  warm  rays  of  the  run.  The  nurses  walk 
around  with  a  kind  of  sauntering  air  that  shows 
that  they  are  able  to  appreciate  the  lovely  day  and 
the  precious  lack  of  rush.  This  afternoon  there 
will  be  many  walks.  Last  Sunday  afternoon  I  had 
a  perfect  walk.  We  were  gone  from  two  to  six- 
thirty,  and  walked  miles  through  lovely  country 
roads  and  lanes.  Pussy-willows  are  out  and  bushes 
show  budding  leaves,  and  it  feels  as  though  Spring 
were  really  here.  But  we  are  likely  to  have  more 
cold  weather  yet,  we  are  told.  I  am  on  until  about 
four-thirty.  Miss  Taylor  is  back  and  I  am  due 
to  go  to-morrow.  Phil  is  coming  down  soon  to 
play  basket-ball  with  our  officers  against  some 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  199 

Canadian  officers.  There  is  a  good  place  to  play- 
right  in  front  of  the  grand  stand  on  the  track,  which 
is  all  turf.  I  am  looking  forward  most  eagerly  to  my 
leave.  I  need  to  see  new  faces  for  a  while.  Phil 
and  I  had  dinner  together  down  town  a  few  days 
ago.  I  had  many  errands  at  the  Base  Cashier's, 
banks,  etc.,  and  met  him  at  our  favorite  rendez- 
vous —  the  Cathedral ;  then  we  wandered  around 
together,  did  little  errands,  had  a  nice  dinner, 
and  were  back  here  by  eight-thirty. 

That  evening  we  had  a  lecture  in  the  Mess 
by  one  of  our  young  officers  —  a  very  brilliant 
young  fellow  —  on  the  war.  He  has  been  giving 
a  series  of  talks  to  us.  The  first  was  on  the  West- 
em  front  and  its  changes,  and  the  second  was  on 
the  Balkan  States.  The  nurses  were  much  inter- 
ested. We  are  too  near  to  be  able  to  get  any  kind 
of  a  good  view  of  the  whole  situation,  and  we  have 
not  time  to  hunt  for  it  in  periodicals. 

We  have  no  further  word  about  the  Vassar 
proposition.  It  would  be  a  fearfully  hard  thing 
to  leave  this  Unit. 

I  shall  have  such  a  nice  time  with  Elizabeth 
in  London.  Food  is  scarce  there;  the  paper  says 
they  in  London  can  have  only  one  meat  meal  a 
week!  But  what  do  I  care?  I'm  bringing  E.  a 
present  of  sugar!  I'll  write  you  from  there. 
Loads  and  loads  of  love. 

Jule. 


too  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

London  W. 
Friday,  February  15, 1918. 

I  want  to  tell  all  the  details  about  going  on 
leave  to  England,  for  it  is  something  of  an  experi- 
ence. On  Monday  morning  the  eleventh,  when  I 
left,  I  had  to  report  at  the  office  of  the  D.  D.  M.  S. 
in  Rouen  to  get  my  travel  warrant.  Although 
I  had  asked  for  leave  to  England  with  permission 
to  go  on  my  own  expense,  because  we  are  not 
asking  leave  permission  from  the  British,  I  was 
told  that  that  was  not  going  to  be  possible,  but 
that  I  would  be  sent  through  just  as  the  English 
Sisters  are.  The  Havre  train  left  about  half  past 
ten  and  reached  Havre  about  twelve-thirty.  I 
was  held  up  at  the  station  when  I  wanted  to  leave 
and  had  to  show  my  identification  papers,  but  was 
soon  let  through.  I  learned  afterwards  that  if 
I  had  been  with  some  English  Sisters  that  were  go- 
ing to  England  too,  I'd  have  been  met  and  con- 
ducted as  the  others  were.  As  I  did  not  know 
that  and  was  not  with  the  others  I  went  off  by 
myself  and  was  rather  glad  I  did  as  I  had  a  very 
interesting  time.  I  went  to  a  near-by  hotel,  that 
I  had  heard  was  the  best,  and  had  a  very  good 
lunch.  Strangely  enough,  in  the  dining-room  I  ran 
into  Mrs.  Christy,  the  Chief  Nurse  of  the  N.  Y. 
Presbyterian  Unit,  who  was  on  her  way  to  Cannes. 
I  had  only  two  words  with  her,  as  she  was  just 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  201 

leaving,  but  when  I  told  her  I  was  going  to  Eng- 
land, she  said  she  wasn't  allowed  to.  It  is  most 
strange  how  different  rules  and  regulations  get 
through  to  the  different  Units. 

As  I  had  the  whole  afternoon  before  me  to  spend 
in  Havre  I  went  to  the  nice  women  at  the  office 
and  asked  their  advice  as  to  the  best  promenade. 
They  spoke  no  English,  but  we  were  able  to  under- 
stand each  other  beautifully.  They  directed  me 
by  means  of  two  trams  and  a  funicular  railway 
to  a  very  high  part  of  the  town,  with  a  lovely 
view  over  the  city  and  harbor.  It  was  a  glorious, 
sunny  day  so  I  had  a  beautiful  time  wandering 
about  by  myself.  After  walking  quite  a  long  way 
I  found  myself  near  a  cemetery  as  a  pitiful 
little  French  procession  was  entering.  I  followed 
just  to  see  how  this  sort  of  thing  was  done  in  the 
French  way.  The  funeral  was  for  two  tiny  babies 
which  were  borne  in  tiny  boxes  on  small  litters 
carried  by  two  men  each.  Two  priests  walked 
ahead  and  behind  followed  the  relatives  and 
friends.  This  was  not  really  a  cheerful  way  to 
spend  part  of  one's  holiday,  especially  as  I  could  see 
at  a  little  distance  the  interment  of  an  Australian 
soldier,  but  it  was  interesting.  I  wandered  around 
and  talked  to  little  children  and  watched  people 
and  gazed  at  aeroplanes  sailing  over  the  town 
for  over  three  hours,  then  I  went  back  to  the  hotel 
and  had  tea  and  then  read  until  dinner  time. 


20«  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

At  dinner  a  Frenchman  engaged  me  in  conver- 
sation, much  to  my  interest,  as  he  spoke  not  a 
word  of  English  and  was  just  going  over  to  Eng- 
land. He  was  as  nervous  and  excited  as  could  be 
and  seemed  so  glad  to  talk.  He  had  been  wounded 
and  was  now  permanently  out  of  the  army. 
At  dinner  we  had  had,  among  other  vegetables, 
something  called  "soissons,"  which  I  had  dis- 
covered to  be  a  kind  of  bean.  In  the  cab  which 
the  Frenchman  and  I  took  together  to  go  to  the 
quay  he  told  me  that  he  had  been  wounded  at 
"Soissons"  and  that  was  why  he  always  took 
"soissons"  when  they  were  on  the  menu.  He 
showed  me  the  watch  charm  he  had  had  made 
from  the  piece  of  shell  that  had  been  taken  out  of 
his  chest.  They  are  so  cunning,  some  of  these 
French  people.  I  lost  him  on  the  boat  and  didn't 
see  him  again  except  in  the  distance  the  next 
morning. 

On  the  boat  I  found  that  by  paying  a  reasonable 
sum  I  could  have  a  stateroom  by  myself  instead 
of  having  to  share  with  six  English  Sisters  the 
ladies'  saloon,  which  has  had  berths  put  into  it 
which  are  perfectly  comfortable,  but  which  afford 
no  privacy.  I  had  a  splendid  night  and  slept  like 
a  top  almost  the  whole  night  through.  I  woke 
once  to  find  that  the  boat  was  tossing  a  little,  but 
I  was  too  tired  and  sleepy  to  care  and  promptly 
went  to  sleep  again.  I  had  not  undressed  very 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  20S 

much,  but  even  the  discomfort  of  day  clothes 
could  not  keep  me  awake.  I  was  quite  surprised 
when  the  stewardess  called  me  at  six-thirty,  and 
we  were  approaching  the  docks  of  Southampton. 
I  don't  know  what  time  the  boat  left  Havre. 
We  went  on  board  at  eight-thirty  and  I  was 
asleep  before  we  left.  After  a  breakfast  of  sorts 
on  the  boat  we  landed  about  seven-thirty.  As  the 
train  to  "town"  didn't  leave  till  nine-thirty 
there  was  plenty  of  time  to  send  telegrams  back 
to  Rouen  and  on  to  Elizabeth  in  London.  I  came 
on  to  London  with  the  English  Sisters,  who  told 
me  they  had  been  met  and  taken  care  of  and  put 
on  the  boat  and  fed  with  a  spoon  almost  every 
minute  since  they  got  off  the  train  at  Havre. 
I  was  awfully  glad  I  was  not  with  them,  but  was 
also  glad  to  know  that  that  was  the  way  nurses 
traveling  to  England  are  looked  after  ordinarily, 
if  they  are  not  as  exclusive  and  standoffish 
as  these  English  ladies  thought  I  was.  I  took 
pains  to  show  them  that  I  had  not  meant  to 
be,  but  I  simply  had  not  expected  to  be  looked 
after. 

London  is  just  as  fascinating  as  ever.  There 
has  been  no  sunshine  since  I  have  been  here,  but 
the  weather  has  not  been  at  all  bad.  It  is  just 
dark  and  smoky.  It  is  wonderfid  to  be  here  with 
Elizabeth  in  a  home.  Jim  is  so  awfully  busy  with 
his  hospital   work  we  scarcely  see  him   at  all. 


804  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

He  often  does  not  get  in  for  meals,  and  so  far  he 
has  had  to  be  out  every  evening.  Elizabeth  is 
doing  some  very  hard  work  on  the  American 
Committee  at  the  Embassy.  This  is  regular  social 
service  work  for  Americans  in  difficulties  and  is 
a  part  of  the  continuation  of  that  big  committee 
that  did  such  splendid  work  at  the  beginning  of 
the  war.  The  committee  that  E.  is  on  takes  care 
of  the  women  and  married  men  with  children  and 
it  still  has  plenty  to  do. 

I  have  just  been  reveling  in  the  civilization 
and  comfort  of  this  home.  E.'s  china  and  silver 
and  linen  are  a  perfect  joy  which  I  never  appre- 
ciated in  any  home  so  much  before.  The  food 
question  is  getting  pretty  serious,  but  at  present 
there  is  enough  to  eat,  though  Jim  says  he  doesn't 
know  how  long  there  will  be.  It  is  very  difficult 
to  get  things,  as  only  small  quantities  can  be  sold 
at  a  time.  There  is  no  milk  to  be  had  except  for 
invalids  and  children,  there  is  scarcely  any  butter, 
sugar  is  sold  by  cards,  and  in  a  few  days  almost 
everything  is  going  to  be  rationed.  The  sugar 
card  that  was  issued  to  me  before  I  left  France 
allows  my  hostess  to  buy  for  me  sugar  not  to 
exceed  one  and  one  seventh  ounces  a  day  for  the 
exact  time  I  am  to  be  here.  I  brought  E.  a  present 
of  some  domino  lump  sugar  which  you  would 
have  thought  was  a  box  of  diamonds.  When  one 
is  to  lunch  out  anywhere  one  produces  one's  own 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  205 

sugar  from  one's  pocket ;  otherwise  the  meal  would 
be  sugarless. 

I  have  been  sleeping  and  sleeping  ever  since 
I  arrived.  I  have  my  breakfast  in  bed  almost 
every  morning  and  lie  abed  afterwards  in  lazy 
sloth.  The  roar  of  the  city  is  utterly  soothing  to 
me.  Am  I  not  an  urbanite?  Sometimes  it  is  too 
dreadfully  quiet  at  our  camp  at  Rouen.  My  room 
is  very  high  up  in  this  narrow,  tall  English  house, 
so  that  the  noise  of  the  streets  is  somewhat  less 
than  it  would  sound  down  lower.  I  have  not 
wanted  to  be  energetic  yet,  but  I  have  been  hav- 
ing such  a  good  time,  mostly  doing  nothing.  EL 
and  I  have  made  pleasant  pilgrimages  out  of  the 
need  of  doing  several  small  errands,  and  we  have 
been  to  the  theater  twice  already.  I  just  ache  for 
the  theater  and  am  leading  E.  a  quite  willing 
martyr  right  up  to  as  many  shows  as  I  can  get 
in.  We  have  seen  Charles  Hawtrey  in  "The 
Saving  Grace,"  which  was  very  entertaining,  and 
not  too  much  about  the  war,  and  this  afternoon 
we  went  to  the  Colosseum  to  a  variety  show  which 
included  Mrs.  Lillie  Langtry  and  Vesta  Tilley. 
To-morrow  we  are  going  to  see  Mrs.  Patrick 
Campbell  in  "The  Thirteenth  Chair"  — all  of 
which  you  see  is  Ihe  greatest  dissipation. 

I  have  not  seen  a  single  American  nurse  so  far 
as  I  know,  and  I  have  not  visited  a  single  hospital 
and  don't  mean  to.  This  morning  I  went  to  pay 


206  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

my  respects  to  the  British  Matron-in-Chief. 
She  was  less  formidable  than  the  last  time  I  saw 
her  and  was  really  quite  cordial.  She  took  me  to 
see  General  Goodwin,  who  is  to  be  Director  General 
of  the  medical  forces  and  who  has  recently  returned 
from  the  States.  He  was  most  charming  and  I  had 
a  delightful  talk  with  him.  I  was  glad  of  a  chance 
to  tell  these  British  officials  how  fortunate  we 
think  we  are  to  have  been  sent  to  work  with  the 
British,  and  to  tell  them  how  we  have  appreciated 
all  the  innumerable  courtesies  they  have  shown 
us  and  the  way  they  have  helped  us. 

E.  and  I  have  had  lunch  down  town  one  day 
and  we  have  had  her  mother-in-law  and  brother- 
in-law  here  to  dinner.  I  have  had  a  splendid  real 
shampoo  for  the  first  time  since  we  left  London 
last  June.  We  have  several  pleasant  little  things 
planned  to  do  next  week,  but  I  like  best  just  sit- 
ting around  here  on  real,  soft-cushioned  sofas. 
E.*s  two  little  boys  are  darlings.  I  don't  see  them 
much  as  most  of  the  time  they  are  off  with  "nurse.'* 
Jim  is  four  and  a  half  now  and  John  just  two. 

You  see  I  am  having  a  wonderful  rest.  Good 
night,  and  loads  of  love. 

Jule. 

Rouen,  March  14,  1918. 

Here  I  am  back  with  my  children,  very  happy 
that  I  am  not  to  return  to  the  States,  and  per- 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  «07 

fectly  content  to  stay  here  where  I  know  I  am 
needed  and  can  be  of  use.  The  future  is  on  the 
lap  of  the  gods.  If  I  get  orders  to  go  to  Paris, 
or  anywhere  else,  I  will  go,  leaving  these  dear 
people  with  the  greatest  regret.  But  I  have  nothing 
to  worry  about  and  can  go  about  my  work  with 
the  greatest  peace. 

We  are  having  a  great  number  of  the  most 
pitiful  cases  these  last  few  nights ;  gassed  men  in 
terrible  condition.  Nearly  three  hundred  the  last 
two  nights,  and  a  hundred  and  fifty  due  to-night. 
Major  Murphy  said  that  last  night's  convoy  was 
the  worst  he  has  seen  since  we  have  been  here. 
Ambulance  load  after  ambulance  load  of  stretcher 
cases  with  bandaged  eyes  and  burning  limgs. 
The  men  tell  awful  stories  of  whole  companies 
afiFected  so  that  not  a  man,  an  officer,  or  a  doctor 
is  able  to  do  a  thing  for  anybody  else.  It  seems  to 
be  a  new  kind  of  gas.  At  any  rate  the  effects  seem 
to  be  different  from  those  we  have  observed  before. 
The  masks  have  not  seemed  to  protect  the  men. 
We  have  had  so  many  put  on  the  Seriously  111  and 
Dangerously  111  lists  to-day,  Miss  Taylor  has  been 
writing  letters  to  families  all  day. 

March  18, 1918. 

Dearest  Mother :  — 

It  is  such  heavenly  weather  here  and  things 
are  so  beautiful.  Everything  is  quiet  and  happy 


308  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

and  peaceful  here  with  us  though  our  work  seems 
to  be  increasing  pretty  steadily.  I  cannot  help 
feeling  more  or  less  agitated  inside,  for  I  know 
that  an  order  to  leave  this  Unit  and  go  to  Paris 
may  come  any  minute.  When  the  order  actually 
arises,  there  is  not  going  to  be  anything  but 
approval,  I  think,  among  my  nurses  as  far  as  my 
action  and  my  duty  go  —  for  they'll  know  this 
is  an  order  and  not  a  choice  in  any  way  —  but 
there  is  going  to  be  a  bad  time  when  it  comes  to 
parting.  I  dread  it  fearfully,  for  I  know  they  all 
care  for  me  and  won't  want  me  to  go  from  a  per- 
sonal point  of  view,  and  I  shall  feel  dreadfully 
about  leaving  them.  We  have  all  been  through 
so  much  together  we  feel  very  close.  Same  way 
about  the  officers.  I  shall  hate  to  leave  them.  But 
it  is  coming.  Phil  won't  like  it  either. 
Such  is  life  in  the  army ! 

Loads  of  love, 

Jule. 

March  25,  1918. 

This  typewriter  is  almost  hot,  it  has  been  worked 
so  hard  to-day.  I  think  Miss  Taylor  and  I  have 
written  over  forty  Dangerously  111  and  Seriously 
HI  letters  to-day,  from  which  you  may  infer  that 
we  are  busy.  We  are  busier  than  we  have  ever 
been  before.  I  am  snatching  a  few  moments 
while  the  day  and  night  shifts  change  to  tell  you 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  209 

a  little  about  things,  then  in  a  little  while  I  must 
go  down  to  the  lines  and  see  how  things  are  and 
send  off  to  bed  the  many  day  nurses  I  am  sure 
to  find  on  duty  still.  The  nurses  all  hate  so  ter- 
ribly to  go  off  when  there  are  so  many  things 
remaining  to  be  done,  but  I  cannot  have  them 
working  both  day  and  night,  for  in  a  few  days,  if 
they  keep  that  up,  they  won't  be  able  to  work  at 
all.  No  one  has  had  a  minute  "  off  duty "  for  five 
days  now  and  they  are  beginning  to  show  it, 
but  they  have  got  to  keep  this  up  for  a  while 
longer  and  so  I  drive  them  off  with  many  things 
left  undone.  Of  course  there  are  always  night 
nurses  to  go  on  with  the  work,  but  they  are  usually 
only  one  to  a  hut  or  line,  where  in  the  day-time 
there  may  have  been  four  or  five. 

Our  excitement  began  last  Thursday  the  21st 
with  an  order  that  for  all  ranks  Rouen  was  to  be 
**Out  of  Bounds."  This  was  because  they  had 
Smallpox  there.  We  have  maids,  French  teachers, 
stenographers,  and  sewing-women  coming  back 
and  forth  every  day  and  things  looked  compli- 
cated —  and  were.  But  only  for  a  while.  Every- 
body was  vaccinated,  and  the  important  civilians 
were  given  daily  passes,  and  so  our  work  goes 
on  about  as  usual.  I  made  temporary  arrangements 
for  four  maids  to  stay  here  on  the  grounds  with  us. 

That  very  day  we  were  given  an  hour's  warning 
in  getting  our  next  team  off  for  a  Clearing  Station. 


210  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

The  people  had  been  designated  but  they  were 
not  packed.  You  never  saw  any  woman  packed 
in  more  double-quick  time  than  our  dear  nurse 
was.  We  have  been  a  bit  worried  about  her  ever 
since  she  left,  for  disquieting  reports  of  great 
activity  in  her  vicinity  have  been  coming  to  us 
every  day  since  she  left.  She  has  six  good  Ameri- 
can men  to  look  after  her,  which  is  a  comforting 
thought  to  us. 

That  day  patients  began  to  pour  in  upon  us. 
We  were  told  to  be  prepared  to  receive  unlimited 
numbers.  Well,  they  have  been  coming.  Day 
before  yesterday  we  operated  on  fifty  cases,  yes- 
terday fifty-one,  to-day  they  had  seventy-three 
scheduled.  I  have  just  been  down  on  the  lines 
and  to  the  operating-room.  You  would  not  believe 
me  if  I  told  you  how  that  place  looks.  They  have 
at  least  forty  more  cases  to  operate  on  to-night. 
Both  the  day  and  the  night  shifts  of  nurses  are 
there,  but  the  day  shift  promises  to  go  up  in  an 
hour.  As  more  convoys  are  due  to-night,  there 
may  be  even  more  to  be  operated  upon  than  are 
scheduled.  The  doctors  are  about  dead.  They 
are  working  in  shifts  as  much  as  they  can.  The 
stretcher-bearers  are  dead  tired,  but  as  cheerful 
as  monkeys.  I  was  just  at  the  "Point,"  where 
ambulances  are  loaded  and  unloaded,  and  a  con- 
voy of  stretcher  cases  was  just  going  out  to  be 
shipped  to  England  I  think.  Our  American  boys 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  211 

were   jollying    the    Tommies^   who    were    on    the 
stretchers,  and  it  all  sounded  so  cheerful. 

It  is  not  so  cheerful  when  the  convoys  come  in. 
Last  night  we  had  a  convoy  come  in  that  seemed 
to  be  all  D.  I.  cases,  many  were  too  badly  off  to 
be  operated  on.  It  still  makes  one  sick  at  the 
stomach  to  read  on  a  man's  card :  "  Gun-shot 
wound,  face,  chest  and  right  arm,  amputation 
both  legs."  Major  Fischel  has  just  been  in  to  say 
that  since  there  must  be  two  hundred  "walking 
wounded"  ready  to  go  out  by  ten  a.m.  he  wants 
to  know  if  I  can  have  nurses  to  help  dress  their 
wounds  early  in  the  morning.  I  said  "  Yes,  if  he 
meant  by  early,  7:30"  because  I  wanted  the 
nurses  to  have  something  to  eat  before  the  start. 
Seven-thirty  will  do,  so  200  walkers  who  came  in 
to-day  will  have  fresh  dressings  put  on  their  in- 
juries and  be  ready  to  be  shipped  along  at  ten. 

So  it  goes.  We  have  no  time  for  sore  vaccinated 
arms,  but  fortunately  I  have  heard  of  only  one 
that  is  sore  so  far.  People  are  such  bricks  under 
pressure  like  this.  It  is  perfectly  marvelous.  I 
cannot  say  how  glad  I  am  that  we  managed 
to  give  every  nurse  a  whole  day  off  a  week  or  so 
ago;  they  certainly  needed  any  reserve  strength 
they  could  store  up.  Two  nurses  just  got  back 
from  leave  in  Paris  this  evening.  For  the  past 
three  days  they  have  been  bombed  and  raided. 
Most  of  the  past  three  nights  they  have  spent  in 


212  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

cellars.  But  they  have  had  a  wonderful  vacation 
and  are  so  glad  to  get  back.  We  need  them  here 
all  right.  All  leaves  for  all  ranks  are  now  stopped 
until  further  notice.  I  don't  see  Phil  at  all  these 
days,  for  he  too  is  tr^s  occup6.  He  was  here  a 
minute  to-day  and  left  mother's  letter  of  Feb.  28, 
but  I  did  not  see  him  as  I  had  dashed  down  town 
in  the  Ford  (with  special  duty  pass)  to  do  some 
necessary  banking  and  to  get  some  Carrel  tubing 
from  the  British  Red  Cross  stores.  Our  supply  is 
exhausted  and  new  lots  have  not  come  through 
and  we  are  using  it  by  the  mile.  I  got  some,  and 
other  necessary  things  too. 

You  ought  to  see  the  way  we  are  using  up 
supplies.  But  so  far  we  seem  to  have  enough  of 
the  necessities.  We  have  long  since  ceased  to 
attempt  to  change  sheets  between  patients.  A 
good  many  patients  have  been  in  beds  without 
sheets  at  all,  but  that  is  a  minor  matter.  Major 
Fischel  just  gave  me  a  guess  on  the  number  of 
patients  we  have  taken  in  or  sent  out  to-day.  I 
said  five  hundred,  and  he  replied,  "nearly  double 
that."  We  have  taken  in  and  sent  out  all  day 
long,  and  to  show  the  spirit  of  the  men.  Major  F. 
repeated  the  remark  of  the  head  Sergeant  of  the 
records,  who  said  he  wished  we  could  get  in  a  few 
more  before  midnight  so  that  he  could  say  it  had 
been  over  a  thousand.  It  is  a  stupendous  piece 
of  work  and  it  all  goes  so  smoothly.  Now  I  must 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  213 

go  to  bed  for  I  am  weary,  but  first  I  must  see 
about  the  nurses  for  the  morning. 

It  is  the  next  evening  now  and  we  are  waiting 
for  the  Night  Supervisors  to  come  to  get  the 
evening  report  and  to  be  told  the  arrangements 
for  the  night.  Things  have  been  keeping  up  the 
same  way  ever  since  last  evening.  Only,  two  of 
our  men  have  died  and  we  were  so  glad  to  have 
them  die.  The  sister  of  the  man  with  the  double 
amputation  has  arrived  from  England  after  such 
a  rough,  cold  trip.  We  have  had  a  case  of  diph- 
theria develop  to-day  among  the  nurses  and  she 
has  been  sent  off  to  the  contagious  hospital,  where 
Phil  will  probably  have  charge  of  her.  She  had 
a  throat  yesterday  and  we  isolated  her  until  a 
report  from  her  throat-culture  could  be  obtained. 
Of  course  we  are  taking  cultures  from  the  "  con- 
tacts," but  hope  there  will  be  no  more  positives. 
Still  no  bad  arms  from  the  vaccinations ! 

The  men  tell  such  dreadful  stories  and  are  so 
glad  to  get  into  bed  and  to  be  made  clean.  Often 
we  cannot  get  them  bathed  even  the  least  little 
bit  before  they  have  to  be  taken  to  the  operating 
room,  but  we  try  to  wash  them  up  as  soon  as 
possible.  Just  think  of  the  problem  of  hot  water 
to  bathe  five  or  six  hundred  patients  in  a  camp 
where  all  the  hot  water  has  to  be  heated  on  camp 
stoves  after  being  drawn  from  about  a  single 
pipe.  The  "walking  wounded"  are  so  pathetic. 


«14  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

They  go  limping  off  to  the  tents  to  which  they 
have  been  assigned,  leaning  on  each  other  and 
helping  each  other  all  they  can.  A  nurse  told  me 
a  few  minutes  ago  that  one  of  her  incoming  pa- 
tients who  walked  in  was  a  young  boy  who  had  had 
his  right  arm  amputated  four  days  ago !  Another 
one  said  he  had  had  nothing  to  eat  but  cigarettes 
and  tea  for  four  days !  Another  with  an  amputated 
arm  was  so  troubled  to  have  a  sister  bathe  and 
shave  and  shampoo  him.  She  is  a  crackerjack  at 
shaving,  and  all  the  orderlies  are  carrying  stretch- 
ers. But  oh,  she  was  so  glad  to  make  him  clean 
and  comfortable.  Our  dietitian.  Miss  Watkins, 
is  doing  regular  nursing  work  and  doing  it  so 
well.  One  of  the  nurses  told  me  that  before  Miss 
W.  gave  her  first  bath  she  said,  "  Now,  I'll  just 
pretend  that  this  is  my  brother."  She  takes 
temperatures  and  pulses  and  bathes  and  feeds 
but  does  not  do  dressings  yet.  She  is  so  fine, 
but  says  she  does  not  ever  want  to  go  back  to 
cooking.  Here  are  the  night  people,  and  I  must 
stop.  I  have  been  down  to  the  camp  since  I 
started  to  write. 
Much,  much  love, 

J. 

April  6,  1918. 

I  last  wrote  on  March  25th,  and  now  it  is  nearly 
two  weeks  later.  Our  rush  has  kept  steadily  up 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  tl5 

until  day  before  yesterday.  Yesterday  was  the 
very  first  day  in  two  weeks  that  any  nurse  had 
any  time  off  duty.  Yesterday,  because  of  reinforce- 
ments that  arrived,  we  were  able  to  send  every 
nurse  off  to  rest  for  three  hours.  It  was  the  most 
extraordinary  Easter  anybody  ever  spent.  For 
two  nights  before  we  had  over  two  hundred 
patients  sleeping  on  the  benches  on  the  grand 
stands.  These  were  "walking  wounded,"  but 
wounded,  you  will  notice.  On  one  of  those  days 
we  had  over  fifteen  hundred  patients.  We  never 
kept  any  "walkers";  they  were  sent  right  on  to 
the  Convalescent  Camps,  where  they  were  able 
to  expand  more.  We  dressed  every  case  here, 
though,  before  they  were  sent  on.  We  certainly 
found  out  not  only  what  we  can  do  in  an  emer- 
gency, but  what  the  British  Army  system  can  do. 
We  are  constantly  marvehng  at  the  eflBciency, 
speed,  and  lack  of  waste  with  which  the  English 
manage  their  business. 

We  all  physically  were  so  hard  pushed  Major 
Miu-phy  wired  for  help,  and  just  a  day  before  this 
lull  we  received  a  mobile  Unit  from  the  A.  E.  F., 
fifteen  nurses  and  thirty-odd  enlisted  men.  You 
may  be  sure  we  were  glad  to  get  them,  though 
fifteen  nurses  were  just  lost  in  the  shuflBe  and 
did  not  seem  to  make  the  slightest  difference. 
They  all  were  very  young,  inexperienced,  little 
things  from  Kentucky,   who  had  only  recently 


«16  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

landed  and  had  not  seen  a  patient  since  they 
had  been  over.  Some  of  them  are  only  twenty- 
one  (the  age  limit  has  been  lowered;  it  was 
twenty-five  when  we  left)  and  have  only  been 
out  of  a  training-school  a  very  short  time, 
and  had  only  been  in  very  small  Kentucky 
hospitals.  So  it  seemed  a  heart-breaking  thing 
to  thrust  them  into  this  unbelievable  hell  of 
a  hospital. 

Such  a  baptism  of  fire  as  they  got  that  first 
afternoon!  I  tried  to  prepare  them  all  I  could, 
but  no  words  could  convey  anything  like  the 
reality  to  their  inexperienced  minds.  It  was 
pouring  when  they  came  at  12 :  30  a.m.  (and  me  to 
meet  them  here,  and  feed  them,  and  find  them  a 
place  to  sleep  with  a  half-hour's  notice  of  their 
conaing !)  and  it  was  pouring  rain  the  next  after- 
noon when  the  Supervisor  started  off  with  the 
little  rubber-coated-and-hatted  group  to  drop 
one  here  and  another  there  according  to  assign- 
ments we  had  made  here  in  the  office.  A  little 
later  I  had  occasion  to  go  down  in  the  lines,  and 
I  looked  in  one  of  the  huts  just  to  see  what  the 
little  new  thing  looked  like.  Just  before  I  got  to 
the  hut  a  little  procession  had  come  out  of  the 
door.  First  two  of  our  men  carrying  a  stretcher 
covered  with  a  Union  Jack,  then  a  second  stretcher 
also  covered  by  a  flag,  then  our  Supervisor  walk- 
ing behind  accompanying  them  to  the  mortuary. 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  217 

People  along  the  line  stood  rigidly  at  attention 
as  they  passed,  and  saluted.  Then  I  went  into 
the  hut.  The  odor  that  hit  me  as  I  entered  was 
terrific,  for  most  of  the  cases  in  this  hut  have 
penetrating  chest  wounds  which  drain.  The  little 
nurse  was  standing  by  the  stove  stirring  some- 
thing in  a  cup  on  it  with  a  spoon.  She  was  green- 
white  and  looked  utterly  nauseated.  I  did  not 
dare  speak  to  her,  for  fear  she  would  lose  any 
control  she  had  left,  so  I  told  the  weary  head 
nurse  to  be  as  gentle  with  the  little  thing  as  she 
could  and  try  to  realize  what  she  was  going 
through. 

That  evening  I  spoke  to  their  group  for  about 
ten  minutes  and  told  them  that  it  was  not  going 
to  be  like  this  always,  and  about  the  mitigations 
and  the  happy  part  of  it  all.  Then  I  asked  them  if, 
after  all,  this  was  not  what  they  had  come  for, 
and  weren't  they  glad  they  were  here.  A  most 
sincere  response  made  me  feel  that  they  would 
be  all  right  soon.  Like  all  young  things,  they 
are  adjusting  wonderfully  and  are  already  mak- 
ing themselves  felt,  and  are  going  about  as 
chipper  and  happy  as  monkeys.  But  oh,  the 
poor  little  dears,  they  will  never  forget  that 
first  day. 

The  night  after  these  fifteen  arrived  another 
contingent  appeared  at  1 :  15  a.m.  in  the  pouring 
rain !  This  time  I  had  known  it  about  three  hours. 


218  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

but  at  that  time  of  night  there  was  very  little 
I  could  do  to  make  preparation,  for  I  simply 
insisted  that  my  poor  tired  nurses  should  not  be 
disturbed.  I  lay  on  my  bed  part  of  the  evening, 
but  as  a  nurse  was  sick  and  I  had  to  get  Major 
Fischel  for  her,  it  was  not  for  long.  When  they 
arrived,  weary  and  miserable,  I  fed  them  hot 
soup,  made  from  bouillon  cubes  that  some  kind 
person  had  sent  us,  and  gave  them  bread  and  cheese 
and  jam,  and  then  put  them  to  bed  in  the  night 
nurses'  beds  in  their  separate  huts.  They  could 
not  even  have  a  wash,  but  they  said  they  did  not 
care,  all  they  wanted  was  sleep. 

These  poor  souls  had  been  ordered  to  leave  their 
Unit  that  morning  with  a  couple  of  hours'  notice 
only  and  were  sent  off  in  several  different  direc- 
tions, fifteen  to  us  here  and  fifteen  to  the  Cleve- 
land hospital  up  the  road  and  somewhere  else. 
Naturally  they  are  the  homesickest,  bluest  group 
of  nurses  you  ever  saw.  You  can  just  imagine 
how  we  would  feel  if  we  were  suddenly  ordered 
to  scatter.  The  reason  for  their  scattering  is 
pretty  obvious  to  us  here,  but  I  cannot  write 
about  it.  These  nurses  are  a  real  help,  for  they 
have  been  in  a  busy  British  hospital  as  long  as 
we  have  and  they  are  all  experienced,  well-trained 
nurses.  But  how  they  are  all  hating  us  at  present. 
For  my  ways  are  not  their  Matron's  ways  and 
everything    about   this   hospital   is   far   inferior 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  219 

to  theirs.  I  have  seen  their  hospital  and  they  are 
right  in  lots  of  ways.  Their  former  quarters  were 
far  superior  to  ours,  and  of  course  all  these  last 
comers  are  having  only  make-shift  quarters. 
We  have  erected  three  marquees  for  them,  but 
they  are  pretty  dreary.  They  have  no  lights  but 
lanterns  as  yet,  and  their  luggage  has  just  come 
and  some  of  it  has  been  lost,  and  it  rains,  and 
you  can  see  the  pictiu'e.  They  will  settle  down 
pretty  soon,  and  my  people  are  being  as  kind  as 
they  can  be  to  them  and  are  trying  not  to  mind 
their  grumbling.  I  tell  them  they  would  grumble 
worse  if  the  positions  were  reversed,  or  I  don't 
know  anything  about  them. 

Well,  so  much  for  the  war,  except  that  to-day 
we  have  had  no  convoys  in  and  are  catching  our 
breaths.  I  cannot  tell  you  the  details  of  the  days 
that  have  passed  since  I  last  wrote.  There  were 
so  many  deaths  and  so  many  awful  cases  and  such 
pitiful  things  going  on  all  the  time  it  was  hard 
to  keep  steady,  especially  as  every  one  was  much 
over-worked.  Miss  Taylor  and  I  had  to  stick 
pretty  tight  to  the  office  work  or  it  would  have 
swamped  us ;  so  we  tried  to  keep  up  with  ourselves 
each  day,  and  never  left  at  night  until  we  had 
every  S.  I.  and  D.  I.  letter  written.  Of  course 
the  end  of  the  month  came  along  just  then,  and 
all  the  regular  monthly  things  had  to  be  tucked 
in  also.  And  of  course  there  was  no  possibility 


220  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

of  having  a  clever  man-stenographer  for  two  days 
to  do  my  complicated  British  payroll,  as  I  have 
had  before,  for  every  available  man  was  working 
night  and  day,  hence  I  had  to  squeeze  that  in 
also.  So  a  job  that  takes  about  two  solid  days 
of  an  uninterrupted  clerk's  time  had  to  be  put 
into  the  midst  of  an  office  where  people  were 
running  in  and  out  every  minute ;  but  it  got  done, 
and  I  was  a  bit  proud  when  I  finished  the  thing 
at  ten  'clock  that  night  when  the  first  reenforce- 
ment  arrived. 

We  have  certainly  learned  what  we  can  do. 
I  don't  mind  for  myself,  but  it  breaks  my  heart 
to  see  my  children  get  hollow-eyed  and  white, 
and  see  them  one  by  one  succumb,  at  least  tem- 
porarily, and  have  to  be  sent  to  bed.  They  have 
done  wonders.  To-day,  for  instance,  with  130 
nurses  here,  after  all  they  have  been  through, 
I  have  just  three  in  hospital;  one  with  diph- 
theria, one  with  a  kind  of  trench  fever  due  to 
exhaustion,  and  the  third,  my  dear,  brave  soul 
who  came  down  from  the  evacuated  C.  C.  S. 
She  has  just  "exhaustion"  for  a  diagnosis.  She 
was  sent  down  without  baggage  or  the  rest  of 
the  team,  48  hours  after  arriving.  The  last  ten 
hours  of  her  trip  were  standing  in  a  freight  car 
packed  with  refugees.  She  arrived  here  at  five 
one  morning  dead  to  the  world.  She  had  slept 
on  the  floor  the  two  nights  before  as  much  as  she 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  221 

could  and  been  operating  sixteen  hours  straight 
before  that.  We  were  so  thankful  to  get  her  back 
safely.  The  men  arrived  safely  later.  Her  CCS. 
was  captured.  She  went  on  duty  36  hours  after 
she  arrived  here  apparently  as  good  as  new,  but 
she  could  not  stand  the  strain  and  could  not  eat, 
so  we  sent  her  to  the  Sick  Sisters'  Hospital  for  a 
rest.  In  quarters  I  have  one  nurse  recovering  from 
gastro-enteritis  and  another  with  a  bothersome 
knee,  and  all  the  rest  are  working!  Isn't  that 
doing  pretty  well  for  women?  After  my  two 
nights  up  until  after  two  and  going  each  morning 
as  usual  for  very,  very  busy  mornings,  making 
arrangements  about  new  niu*ses  and  seeing  to 
their  records,  I  had  a  bit  of  an  upset  myself 
and  felt  pretty  miserable.  So  one  afternoon  I 
went  to  bed  at  four  and  stayed  there  until  the 
next  morning  and  have  been  much  better  since. 
It  has  all  been  something  of  a  strain. 

Then  the  morning  after  the  second  night  up 
(April  4)  Major  Murphy  brought  me  in  my  order 
to  go  to  Paris  to  be  Chief  Nurse  of  the  American 
Red  Cross.  It  was  almost  too  much,  but  I  was  too 
busy  to  think  about  it,  so  I  put  it  in  my  pocket 
and  tried  to  forget  it.  To-night  I  am  going  to  tell 
my  original  group.  I  am  appointed  by  the  Chief 
Surgeon  and  am  still  in  the  Army.  It  is  an  order, 
and  there  is  no  disputing  it.  When  I  get  away, 
I  shall  be  glad  of  the  opportunity  it  presents. 


2«2  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

but  just  at  present  I  cannot  seem  to  bear  it. 
These  were  just  the  American  orders,  and  I  must 
wait  for  the  British  ones,  which  will  probably 
come  through  in  a  few  days.  I  am  "relieved  from 
further  duty  at  No.  12  General  Hospital  B.  E.  F. 
and  will  proceed  to  Paris,  France,  reporting  on 
arrival  to  the  Chief  Surgeon,  Am.  Red  Cross  in 
Prance,  for  duty  as  Chief  Nurse  with  the  Ameri- 
can Red  Cross." 

I  saw  Phil  yesterday  a  moment  and  told  him 
of  my  order,  and  strangely  enough  he  had  just 
received  an  order  to  go  to  Paris  for  duty  with 
Dr.  Blake's  hospital.  Curious,  isn't  it  ?  But  won't 
it  be  nice  for  us  both  to  be  there?  Paris  is  not 
such  a  sweet  little  health  resort  just  at  present 
as  it  has  been.  But  bombs  and  long-distance  gims 
are  nothing  to  me. 

I  guess  you  don't  need  to  be  told  how  I  feel 
about  leaving  my  children  here  after  all  we  have 
been  through  together.  It  is  quite  beyond  words. 
I  am  just  trying  to  steel  myself  to  it,  and  to  get 
it  over  as  fast  as  possible.  Now  it  is  time  to  go 
and  break  it  to  them.  How  can  I  make  them  glad 
to  have  me  go  ?  For  I  must  do  that. 

It's  the  next  day  now  —  a  quiet,  simny  Sun- 
day. Everything  went  all  right  last  night,  and  my 
nurses  are  bricks.  They  weep,  but  they  are  glad 
to  have  me  go.  I  am  trying  to  get  ready  to  leave 
in  a  few  days.  I  am  so  sorry  for  all  your  uncer- 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  223 

tainty  about  me.  It  was  a  grand  mix-up.  Miss 
Taylor  is  to  be  Chief  Nurse  here. 
Loads  and  loads  of  love, 

Jule. 

It  was  getting  dark  as  I  went  down  between 
the  A  and  B  lines  of  tents.  Ducking  under  the 
entrance  of  A.  3  tent,  I  stopped  just  a  moment 
inside  the  door,  to  get  used  to  the  darkness  in  the 
tent.  The  fourteen  beds  in  the  tent  were  all  full 
and  I  thought  at  first  that  no  nurse  was  there. 
Then  I  saw  her.  She  was  kneeling  beside  the 
low  cot  of  a  lad  whose  whole  head  was  bandaged. 
The  tight  starch  bandage  covered  his  ears  and  his 
eyes,  and  came  down  under  his  chin.  A  glance 
at  his  face  showed  that  he  was  not  far  from  the 
end.  "Robert,  lad,  what  are  you  trying  to  say?" 
she  was  asking,  bending  over  him  with  her  arm 
across  his  shoulder  and  her  face  close  to  his  lips. 
"Say  it  again,  boy,  so  that  I  can  hear  you.  Did 
you  want  me  to  do  something  for  you?"  Slowly 
pulling  his  arms  out  he  reached  up  and  drew  her 
head  down  to  his  and  kissed  her  on  the  cheek. 
"I  think,"  he  said,  "you  must  be  like  my  sister." 
Just  then  she  saw  me.  "Oh,  excuse  me.  Matron," 
she  said  as  she  rose,  "I  didn't  hear  you  come  in." 
We  walked  through  to  the  connecting  tent  while 
the  other  thirteen  men  stirred  and  pretended  to 
wake  up. 


224  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

A  nurse  stopped  at  the  oflSce  to  leave  the  notices 
of  two  new  "Dangerously  111"  cases.  As  she 
handed  me  the  slip  she  said,  "Of  the  sixty-four 
new  stretcher  cases  we  got  in  last  night,  all  have 
bandaged  eyes.  They  are  the  worst  gassed  men 
I  have  ever  seen.  I've  done  nothing  but  irrigate 
eyes  all  the  morning.  One  man  discovered  that 
he  could  see  a  little  when  I  got  his  lids  opened 
and  his  eyes  washed  out,  and  he  burst  out  *0h, 
sister,  I  can  see,  and  I  am  not  going  to  be  blind 
after  all,  am  I?'  Then  I  realized  what  an  agony 
of  fear  there  must  be  in  the  minds  of  those  sixty- 
four  motionless  men,  not  one  of  whom  had  even 
whimpered  —  so  since  then  I've  been  saying  to 
each  one  that  he  was  sure  to  see  after  a  while,  for 
you  know  if  they  live  they  nearly  all  do  get  back 
their  sight,  and  probably  not  more  than  those 
two  D.  I.'s  will  die.  But  think  what  they  have 
been  suffering !" 

Another  nurse  was  giving  a  bath  to  a  man  who 
had  just  been  brought  in  on  a  stretcher,  "Oh, 
but  you  are  the  dirtiest  man  I  ever  saw,"  she 
laughed  at  him,  "absolutely  the  very  dirtiest." 
"Oh,  sister,  don't  say  that,"  he  said.  "How  could 
I  help  it?  I  haven't  had  a  bath  nor  a  change  of 
underclothes  for  twenty-two  days."  —  Quick  canae 
the  answer,  "If  that's  the  case,  I  call  you  clean." 

The  orderly  came  up  to  the  sister  and  said, 
"May  I  have  a  piece  of  gauze  and  a  bandage?" 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  225 

"Surely,"  she  said,  as  she  handed  it  to  him,  "  and 
what  do  you  want  it  for?"  "For  the  Hun  there 
at  the  door  who  has  cut  his  finger."  Looking  down 
the  hut  to  the  door,  she  could  see  standing  just 
outside  a  Boche  prisoner  and  his  British  guard. 
The  orderly  took  the  dressings  outside  and  band- 
aged up  the  finger.  When  he  came  back,  some 
of  the  patients  who  had  been  watching  said,  "I 
wish  his  finger  were  off,  and  why  didn't  you  cut 
off  his  head  ?  etc."  Then  a  man  in  a  near-by  bed, 
whose  leg  was  stretched  out  in  a  weighted  exten- 
sion, said,  "Oh,  boys,  don't  talk  like  that;  we  are 
fighting  the  Huns  up  the  line,  but  we  are  not 
fighting  them  down  here." 

When  he  came  up  with  the  rest  of  the  blue, 
hospital-clothed  men  for  final  inspection  before 
being  signed  out  for  Convalescent  camp,  the 
Major  noticed  that  he  had  a  D.  S.  M.  ribbon  on  his 
coat.  "How  did  you  get  this,  Jock?"  the  Major 
asked,  pointing  to  the  ribbon.  "Oh  that,  sir," 
he  said,  "there  were  a  few  occurrences,  sir," 
and  he  went  on  his  way. 

His  right  leg  had  been  amputated,  his  right 
hand  was  badly  wounded,  and  his  left  foot  had  a 
hole  right  through  it,  but  he  was  always  smiling 
and  cheerful,  and  had  a  come-back  for  every 
foolish  thing  that  was  said  to  him.  One  day  the 
Padre  asked  him  how  he  could  keep  so  cheerful 
all  the  time  when  he  must  have  so  much  pain. 


226  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

**0h,"  he  laughed,  "it's  in  the  book.  Boy  Scouts 
Manual,  page  8,  paragraph  3,  *  Smile  and  keep 
whistling.'" 

Here's  the  copy  of  a  telegram  I  got  Major  M. 
to  send  last  week.  "Director  General  of  Volun- 
tary Offerings,  Scotland  House,  London :  Num- 
ber Twelve  General  Hospital  urgently  needs 
three  thousand  each,  two,  three,  and  four  inch 
roller  bandages,  thousand  each  abdominal,  chest, 
shoulder,  hip,  elbow,  head  triangular  and  T  band- 
ages. Two  hundred  each,  elbow,  arm,  and  leg 
splints,  two  hundred  sand-bags,  three  dozen  pairs 
crutches,  five  hundred  limb  pillows,  thousand 
pneumonia  jackets,  five  hundred  arm  slings,  five 
eases  each  absorbent  wool  (in  America,  *  cot- 
ton') and  absorbent  gauze,  also  unlimited  gauze 
dressings."  The  next  day  we  got  the  message: 
"Bulk  of  all  articles  named  being  shipped  immedi- 
ately." Pretty  good  business.'^  We  have  received 
notice  of  twenty  bales  sent  from  London  already. 

Paris,  April  12,  1918. 

If  I  don't  hurry  and  write  I  shall  not  be  able  to 
remember  a  single  one  of  the  really  memorable 
things  that  have  happened  to  me  since  I  last 
wrote.  I  am  getting  new  impressions  so  fast  I 
can  hardly  straighten  out  one  from  another. 
I  last  wrote  April  6  just  after  I  got  my  orders  to 
move.  On   Sunday   the   7th   the   British   orders 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  227 

came,  and  I  decided  that  I  would  be  ready  to 
leave  Wednesday  the  10th.  —  Just  then  Philip 
was  announced  and  I  went  down  to  see  him. 
He  had  just  arrived  in  Paris.  It  was  a  curious 
coincidence  his  being  ordered  here,  too,  just  as 
I  was. 

Sunday  evening  we  had  one  of  the  finest  sings 
up  in  our  mess  that  ever  anybody  had.  Every 
Major,  including  the  two  English  ones,  was  there, 
and  all  the  young  officers  too,  and  the  mess  was 
full,  and  there  was  much  amusement,  as  they  all 
tried  to  ask  for  their  favorite  tunes  at  the  same 
time.  We  used  the  new  Y.  M.  C.  A.  service  hymn- 
books  that  Aiuit  M.  sent  and  they  proved  most 
acceptable,  and  everybody  seemed  to  find  his  or 
her  favorite  hymn  in  it.  I  played  my  violin  and 
a  fine  player  played  the  piano,  and  I  can  tell 
you  we  made  the  welkin  ring.  It  was  a  bit  hard 
for  me,  especially  when  some  idiot  asked  for  **  God 
be  with  you  till  we  meet  again."  But  nobody 
could  know  how  badly  I  was  feeling. 

Monday  was  very  busy  all  day.  That  eve- 
ning was  our  usual  little  family  dance,  which  I 
attended.  The  next  day  I  finished  turning  things 
over  to  Miss  Taylor,  went  up  to  Sick  Sisters'  Hospi- 
tal to  say  good-by  to  the  nurses  up  there,  and  the 
afternoon,  packed.  The  D.  D.  M.  S.  came  to  say 
good-by  and  the  Acting  Principal  Matron,  which 
was  nice  of  such  busy  people  at  such  a  busy  time. 


228  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

The  nurses  were  full  of  mysteries  all  those  last 
days  and  that  afternoon  I  found  in  my  room  a 
wonderful  fitted  dressing-bag,  the  kind  my  soul 
has  always  longed  for.  It  is  like  a  small  suit-case, 
is  black,  and  has  a  cloth  cover  and  is  a  perfect 
beauty.  That  was  from  my  whole  family.  Then 
the  original  64  gave  me  a  lovely  little  gold  mesh- 
purse  to  go  on  my  watch  chain  with  my  other 
dangles.  That  too  was  another  thing  I  had  been 
hoping  to  have  some  time. 

I  forgot  to  say  that  on  Saturday  evening  I  had 
talked  to  the  64  and  told  them  about  my  going. 
They  were  all  splendid  about  it  and  are  glad  that 
I  am  going  to  have  this  position  which  they  think 
needs  me.  They  told  me  individually  and  collec- 
tively how  badly  they  felt  about  my  going,  but 
they  all  think  it  is  the  right  thing  and  there  has 
not  been  one  murmur  or  horrid  feeling  about  it. 
They  are  giving  me  to  the  bigger  cause  freely  and 
gladly,  though  with  truly  sincere  sorrow,  I  know. 
So  that  has  made  things  easy  for  me,  in  a  way. 

That  last  evening  they  all  had  a  big  reception 
for  Miss  Taylor,  Miss  Claiborne,  the  new  assist- 
ant, and  me.  The  officers  sent  wonderful  bunches 
of  roses  to  all  three  of  us.  The  party  was  a  wonder. 
After  everybody  was  there,  three  Majors  came 
for  us  three  over  in  my  sitting-room  and  escorted 
us  over  to  the  mess,  where  we  were  lined  up,  and 
everybody  came  up  and  shook  hands  and  said 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  229 

nice  things.  After  some  general  talk  we  all  sang 
songs  out  of  the  back  of  Aunt  M.'s  books,  **  Old 
Oaken  Bucket,"  "Swanee  River,"  "Auld  Lang 
Syne,"  "  Juanita,"  and  the  like ;  then  Miss  Taylor 
and  I  ran  away  and  it  was  all  over.  My  four  dear 
Majors  gave  me  the  most  beautiful  charm  to 
wear  on  my  watch  chain.  It  is  a  round,  flat  un- 
polished crystal,  about  as  big  as  a  quarter,  with 
a  red  cross  in  the  center,  made  of  large  garnets. 
It  is  a  perfect  beauty.  Major  Clopton  got  it  at 
Tiffany's  in  Paris  for  me,  and  the  four  of  them 
all  signed  the  dearest  note  that  went  with  it. 
They  have  been  such  wonderful  friends  to  me  and 
I  am  so  horribly  lonesome  without  them.  No 
woman  leaving  a  job  ever  had  such  things  said 
to  her  as  I  have  had,  this  past  week. 

But,  oh,  I  need  to  remember  them  now,  for  if 
ever  there  was  a  desolate  soul,  it  is  I.  My  prede- 
cessor left  before  I  arrived.  Her  assistant  has 
been  sick  and  away  from  the  oflSce  ever  since  I 
have  been  here,  and  I  have  been  simply  flounder- 
ing. Miss  Morgan  is  a  great  help,  but,  I  wish  it 
was  a  month  from  now  and  I  knew  something 
of  my  job,  which  is  huge.  One  can  only  sit  tight 
and  not  let  oneself  be  discouraged.  It's  got  to 
come  out  right.  Our  job  is,  I  am  sure,  to  do  our 
job  and  wait  patiently. 

Lovingly, 

Jule. 


230  FINDING  THEMSELVES 

Paris,  May  17,  '18. 

Now  to  go  back  a  bit.  Last  Sunday  I  was  down 
in  Rouen !  By  Friday  the  19th  I  was  so  home- 
sick and  lonesome  for  all  my  children  and  the 
hospital  that  when  some  of  the  officers  blew 
into  my  office  and  said  they  were  going  back 
Saturday  evening  at  five,  after  their  meetings 
were  over,  I  decided  I  would  go  with  them. 
It  was  very  easy  to  arrange,  and  oh,  I  was  so 
glad  I  went.  Our  train  was  late  and  we  did  not 
reach  the  camp  until  about  nine-thirty,  but  I 
got  a  welcome  all  right!  It  did  me  more  good 
than  anything  else  possibly  could  have  done,  and  I 
came  back  renewed  in  courage  and  strength  in 
a  most  remarkable  way,  and  perfectly  sure  if  so 
many  dear  people  loved  me  so  much  and  had 
such  confidence  in  me,  maybe  I  could  manage 
this  awful  job  after  all.  Sunday  morning  I  played 
with  Ruth  and  talked  with  lots  of  other  people. 
That  noon  we  had  Maj.  Murphy  up  to  dinner 
with  us.  Before  that  I  went  to  the  office  and  talked 
"shop  "  with  the  "Little  Matron,"  as  my  children, 
who  are  now  her  children,  lovingly  call  her.  I 
stayed  with  her  in  my  old  rooms  that  night  and 
we  talked  long  into  the  night,  much  to  the  easing 
of  my  heart  and  mind.  She  has  a  bed  in  the  sit- 
ting-room, used  as  a  couch,  which  she  says  is 
ready  for  me  any  time  I  want  to  use  it.  Later 
I  met  lots  of  people,  officers  and  nurses,  for  tea 


FINDING  THEMSELVES  231 

in  the  mess.  Then  M.  T.  (Miss  Taylor,  the  little 
matron)  and  I  had  early  supper  together  in  her 
sitting-room.  Then  Maj.  Murphy  said  that  he 
had  been  planning  to  go  up  to  Paris  the  next  day, 
and  he  would  go  a  day  ahead,  so  he  came  along 
with  me.  We  left  at  seven  and  arrived  at  ten. 
Phil  met  me  and  we  came  home  to  this  nice  apart- 
ment into  which  Phil  had  moved  all  his  and  my 
things  that  day.  I  am  going  again  to  Rouen  just 
as  soon  as  I  possibly  can,  because  I  need  so  much 
to  see  them  all.  They  don't  need  me,  for  every- 
thing is  going  wonderfully  smoothly,  but  I  need 
to  see  them.  We  don't  talk  about  their  shop, 
for  naturally  I  am  not  doing  a  single  thing  about 
their  local  business,  but  M.  T.  talks  over  my  shop 
with  me  and  helps  me  lots.  That  is  certainly  the 
most  wonderful  group  of  men  and  women  it  has 
ever  been  my  privilege  to  work  with.  The  more 
I  see  and  hear  of  other  groups,  the  more  I  realize 
how  exceptional  ours  is.  And  oh,  how  good  they 
have  been  to  me.  Most  of  them,  I  feel,  will  be 
my  friends  forever,  and  a  few  of  them  will  be 
some  of  the  most  precious  possessions  that  a 
person  could  ever  have.  Sundays  are  my  own, 
and  so  I  want  to  go  down  there  often.  The  anni- 
versary of  our  leaving  [May  17th]  will  be  my  next 
visit,  I  hope. 


Mated  in  Uie  Uniied  States  of  Amerioa. 


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